Thursday, March 3, 2011

What is up with me lately?

Well let's see. Yesterday I went to a interview for Safeway. Now don't get all excited it wasn't a single interview it was a cattle call. Fill out the application on line and then go to a place between 10am and 1pm. So I filled out the application and drove myself to the location I was suppose to go to. And that my friends is what you call a complete and utter clusterfuck. I pull up into the parking lot and see a line of about 100 people all with umbrellas standing in the rain waiting their turn. I think oh... not so horrible so I go to find a parking spot. As I go around the corner I see that the line is actually wrapped around the building. About 500 people if not more. So I get out and go stand. In about 10 minutes I am soaked to the bone. So I said fuck it and came home. I am pretty sure they don't hire drowned rats with runny mascara.
I probably would have stayed if I had a umbrella. Although my chance of getting a job out of 48 openings with 500+ people standing there was probably nill.
I have been applying at things that in the past I would have laughed at even thinking about. Home Depot, Safeway, auto body shops, Target, Orchard Supply... you get the picture. I have been asking anywhere I go if they are hiring. The sad thing is not one of them has called me. Even the bottom of my barrel don't want me. And for some reason I am almost amused.
See I have learned a few things since I have been unemployed. The number one thing is pride is nothing. Pride in what you can do doesn't mean a damn thing if you don't have a job. And let me tell you something I was full of pride. I was that stupid person who said no matter what with my multiple skills I will get a job anywhere. HA. How the mighty have fallen.
I may have actually needed that though. I was cocky.
Ok lesson learned so can I get a job now LMAO!!
There is a lot more I have learned too. Depression SUCKS. It is a creepy mean little thing that grabs you by the short hairs and takes control. But it is slow... slow and steady so you almost don't even see it until you are almost at rock bottom. Until nothing interests you anymore. Until you can't remember the last time you washed your hair. Until you start boo hooing just looking at the job boards. Then it is to late. You are caught. I have to wonder how many other people are there with me.
The medicine I have been taking since Saturday is different. I know at all points in time that I am on medication. I have never taken a medicine that made me feel that way. It makes me dizzy now and again. And it makes me feel like I might make some social faux pas at any time. It is getting better slightly though as time goes on.
But I also see promise in it. I have caught myself humming twice while cleaning. I can't remember the last time I did that. I actually looked in the mirror yesterday and thought wow you look like a slob. Another thing I haven't done in a while. And the fact that it is an outfit I have been wearing fairly often says something.
I am noticing the dirt in my house. I have no idea how I didn't see it before as it is pretty blatant. So the pills are doing something good I guess.
AND look two blog posts in a week. A record lately lol. I have to go to the store now so more later.


  1. Pride reall takes your ass for a ride. It sucks. And Cattle Calls are the worst!!! nothing can make you feel so insignificant as that.

    You know, they're saying the unemployment rate is down... and I think its a bunch of hock. What I really think is less people are applying for unemployment because they don't qualify anymore. So it LOOKS like unemployment is down because not so many people applying. Up here in WA anyway.

    Has the new meds kicked in yet??

  2. YAY! things are looking up. You are noticing the world around you again. That's good. And hopefully the side effects (dizzy) will continue to go away. :)

  3. I'm so glad things are going better for you!

  4. The good news is, the side effects will subside (may have already). I'm certain the medication is helping you, but the truth is, the simple act of taking control of your situation, goes a long way toward improving how you feel (I speak from experience).

    Glad things are getting better! Keep it up. I'm pulling for you.