Friday, October 30, 2009

My first ghost

It has been a while now since I saw my first ghost but the funny thing is I can remember every moment like it was yesterday. I can close my eyes and see exactly what happened.
I was living in this mobile home watching my uncle's children during the week while he worked in another city. He would come home for the weekends and take over the kids. It was a pretty good set up.
There was a wall in the living room. It had a mirror about a foot wide that went from ceiling to floor and then a piece of wall about a foot wide then another mirror, another piece of wall, another mirror. You get the idea. I am sure back in the day a lot of us had that mirror wood wall thing.
I was walking into the living room and turned to look at myself in the mirror. You know.. girl thing lol. About the third mirror portion I noticed that there was a man standing there just staring at me. I stopped dead and just stared at him. He was wearing work boots, blue jeans and a red pendleton. He was not see through. He was as solid as you or me.
I remember after first seeing him I started at the bottom. Looked at his boots, then his pants, then his shirt and then his head.
He was staring at me. However, where his eyes should have been was nothing but a kind of black void. It was just a fuzzy black area. I am not sure how to explain that better. Even though you couldn't see his eyes I was 100% aware that he was staring at me. I could feel him staring at me.
After a few seconds of shock. More like HOLY CRAP! THERE IS A MAN IN THE HOUSE! I flipped around to look at him face to face. There was no one there. He was gone.
I know what I saw that day. There is no doubt what so ever that it was a full body apparition.
I remember after turning around and him being gone I went into a panic mode. Running around the house looking for him. After all I had stood there looking at him for several minutes almost frozen. I remember sitting down on the floor in the living room and thinking about it after not finding anyone in the house.
It was funny but until I sat down on the floor I didn't think the whole no eye thing was odd. But sitting there on that floor and going back over those minutes in my head I realized that no eyes was not normal. That is when the hair stood up on my body.
I hadn't really felt fear of him. I had felt fear of a unknown man in the house but not fear of him. Does that make sense?

That day I became a believer in ghosts. A honest to god believer. How could you not after seeing that? Since then I have seen quite a few more ghosts. I have a feeling I will be seeing a lot more in my lifetime too. Turns out my Grandmother sees them too. The day I found that out I felt better. Like I wasn't a crazy person.
And no it is not like the Ghost Whisperer where they come up and chat with you...although that happened kind of once but not really. More like "oh look at that guy over there in the white shirt". What guy? Type of thing.

And yes it is perfectly fine if you think I am nuts. I KNOW what I see.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

So I did coffee today instead

I admit it. I blew off coffee yesterday. Turns out she was super busy so it worked for her.
But today she wasn't taking no for an answer lol.
At 11:30 we were to meet at Starbucks. I actually got scared as I pulled up. It was a strange sensation. Why the hell was I scared? It is not like she was a mean person or anything like that.
As she walked across the parking lot the fear went away. We went in and got our coffee and actually sat down outside for over 3 hours. In the shade. By the time we split up I couldn't feel my hands or my feet. I still can't.
Now because it is so late I need to rush around the house cleaning and cooking dinner so this is a very small short blog.
But tomorrow I have a spooky treat for you all. I was going to do it today but coffee and cold.... not enough time.

I am off to hold my hands over the stove burner or something. Seriously I am freaking COLD.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

This funk has got to go!

Seriously people this is getting stupid.

I realized yesterday as I never had time to post my blog that I was moping along through my days.
Hell I have even stopped getting dressed unless I needed to go to the grocery store.
So yesterday I planned on a blog post but first I needed to put laundry in the washer. Then I needed to wash a few dishes. Then I needed to play games on facebook. Then I needed to read blogs. Then I needed to get dressed to go to the store. Did I shower? No. I just put my hair up in a ponytail and left. Before I knew it it was time for the honey to get home and I hadn't posted. So I didn't.
This is not normal for me.
I am a get up in the morning, take a shower, put on make up type of girl. I bet in the last week I have put on make up once.

Yesterday I put out my tombstones on the front yard. Hmmm or was that the day before yesterday? Anywhoooo... it was actually a chore. That was a huge red flag for me.
I am a Halloween addict. I LOVE Halloween. I live for the days of decorating. Yet, it was a chore this year.
I even walked back in the house and thought OH CRAP because I had forgot to put the sticky decals on the window. With a big old huff I walked back outside and put them on. Have I mentioned that I liked my Halloween costume idea but now I hate it?

Where is my damn motivation at? Where is HAPPY Jody at? Geez this is awful.

I have a friend coming over on Halloween and I find myself thinking what the hell are we going to do. And I love her! Halloween is suppose to be fun here people. I need a slap upside my head or something.

I also have a relative of the honey's who I am talking to on facebook. We really just have met twice at Christmas parties. She wants to meet me for coffee today. I said yes but let me tell you right now I have no desire what so ever to leave the house. That tells me I HAVE to leave this house. So like I said I said yes. That meant I actually had to get up and shower. Doesn't that sound horrible! I had to shower. *rolls eyes.
And is it horrible that I keep hoping she will cancel?
It is horrible! I need friends! GEEZ


I have to bitch about the job market. You know it really sucks that employers are taking advantage of the amount of people who are unemployed right now. They know that they can get people for cheap. So an office manager job that would normally go for around $20 an hour is being offered for $12.
I sit at my computer and send out resume after resume. But I swear to you as I hit send I figure BYE BYE nothing is going to happen with that one either.
Horrible attitude.

So I have got to get out of this funk. Seriously this is crazy. I am an upbeat type of person and I feel ..... umm.... abnormal.

I guess I should put on make up to go to coffee. Sigh

Monday, October 26, 2009

This whole H1N1 freakout

Is there anyone else besides me who thinks this whole H1N1 crap is being blown out of proportion?
The media and government have people running around freaking out over this strand of flu. People think if they catch it they are going to die. I have news for you people the regular flu kills just as many if not more people every year.
Everyone was panicking when it started due to the media and now it is a national emergency. This is getting crazy.
No, I will not be getting a shot. No I don't think everyone should get a shot. Maybe the elderly and infants but regular people? No.
Besides why would I take a shot that has not even been approved yet? That has not gone through the regular lines of testing every other drug has. That was rushed through so people would feel better. Not me, thank you very much.
The way the media and government are describing this "pandemic" we all should have a immediate family member or close friend who has had this flu. Well do you? I don't. I seriously doubt I will either.
I prefer to save my panic for something that is actually flying across the nation wiping out hundreds of thousands as it goes. But panic over a flu because the media says I should.... No.
So far 1000 people have died from the swine flu. In 2008, during the flu seasons six months the "regular" flu season claimed lives of nearly 24,000 people.
All this H1N1 flu is another variation of the regular flu. We get a new variation every year.

Now don't get me wrong here. We should take precautions to not get the flu. (notice I said flu not H1N1 as they are the same thing) BUT we need not panic to the point the media seems to want us to. I worry that the media will freak the people out to the point of sanitizing our lives away.
What happens a year from now or several years from now if a really honest to god nasty bug comes along? All of these people who have run out every season to get this shot now have built up a tolerance to those drugs making the protection from the new horrible thing harder to come by. Or have sanitized themselves so much that they lose out on the "good" bacteria that might actually help them.

It actually pisses me off a bit. The media needs a muzzle. UGH

Friday, October 23, 2009

Seven Seals

So last night I am watching the history channel and a show comes on called Nostradamus Effect. So I settle in to watch something about the seven seals of Revelations. See my grandmother has beat me over the head with this since I was little.
Ok, not beat me over the head lol. She has talked to me about the "End Times" repeatedly. To the point where somewhere in my psyci it has become reality. Something that is going to happen. Not just something that could happen. In my head I just never believed that it would happen during my time. Or hoped it wouldn't

As I watched this show I could feel little tingles of worry going through my body. They were describing the seals as if they are occurring now.

I am about to add a few pieces of information in with my insights. And no I am not losing it lol. And no I will not be turning into a religious talk show blog either. It is just this show I watch kinda freaked me out so blogging about it is my way of purging those feelings.

Seal #1 Brings a white horse denoting conquest.
I watched as the Lamb opened the first of the seven seals. Then I heard one of the four living creatures say in a voice like thunder, "Come!" I looked, and there before me was a white horse! Its rider held a bow, and he was given a crown, and he rode out as a conqueror bent on conquest.
— Revelation 6:1-2 NIV

To me and I guess a lot of people this means the Antichrist. Although in my head it is just an incredibly evil person. An evil person who can pretty much bring death on my head.

Anywhooo.... they described this as someone who is incredibly charismatic but ends up being evil.

Seal #2 Brings a red horse denoting war
When the Lamb opened the second seal, I heard the second living creature say, "Come!" Then another horse came out, a fiery red one. Its rider was given power to take peace from the earth and to make men slay each other. To him was given a huge sword.
— Revelation 6:3-4 NIV

A lot of people take this to mean World War 3. Or pretty much mass war all over the world. This show talked about the seal being all ready broken. That the wars we see everywhere right now are the result of that. Personally I would hate for that to be true. Hell I would hate for World War 3 to happen for that matter. But then again we have some crazy people out there right now. Just look at the leader of North Korea. He is flat out insane. Many people think that he will start WW3 with his idiotic weapons tests. And frankly.... I wouldn't be surprised if he did. That guy scares the hell out of me.

Seal #3 Brings a black horse denoting famine.
When the Lamb opened the third seal, I heard the third living creature say, "Come!" I looked, and there before me was a black horse! Its rider was holding a pair of scales in his hand. Then I heard what sounded like a voice among the four living creatures, saying, "A quart of wheat for a day's wages, and three quarts of barley for a day's wages, and do not damage the oil and the wine!"
— Revelation 6:5-6 NIV

Up until this point in the show I had pretty much been just watching. Now I had actually began to worry a bit. They showed crop failures around the world. Famine and disease. Starvation. How many of us has seen images of this every day on our tv?
They talked about the price of food increasing dramatically. They talked about the recession and people losing their houses. And I have to admit I actually got nervous as they talked about this.
We are living in a point in time where livelihoods suck. Where people are starving. Crops are failing. Places that had water in supply are becoming dust bowls.

Seal #4 Brings a pale horse denoting death.
When the Lamb opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature say, "Come!" I looked and there before me was a pale horse! Its rider was named Death, and Hades was following close behind him. They were given power over a fourth of the earth to kill by sword, famine and plague, and by the wild beasts of the earth.
— Revelation 6:7-8 NIV

This "horse" brings the death of 1/4 of the worlds population. That is just staggering to me. We are talking 1.5 billion people dead. Mind blowing and totally frightening. But you know we aren't there yet. What kind of disease could cause this? What type of climate shift would cause this much destruction. UGH.

I turned the show off at this point lol. I figured I wouldn't be able to sleep. But I will give you the last seals for the heck of it.

Seal #5 Vision of the martyrs
And when he had opened the fifth seal, I saw under the altar the souls of them that were slain for the word of God, and for the testimony which they held: And they cried with a loud voice, saying, how long, O Lord, holy and true, dost thou not judge and avenge our blood on them that dwell on the earth? And white robes were given unto every one of them; and it was said unto them, that they should rest yet for a little season, until their fellowservants also and their brethren, that should be killed as they were, should be fulfilled. (Revelation 6:9-11)

Seal #6 Earthquake and the marking of the 144,000
And I beheld when he had opened the sixth seal, and, lo, there was a great earthquake; and the sun became black as sackcloth of hair, and the moon became as blood; and the stars of heaven fell unto the earth, even as a fig tree casteth her untimely figs, when she is shaken of a mighty wind. And the heaven departed as a scroll when it is rolled together; and every mountain and island were moved out of their places. And the kings of the earth, and the great men, and the rich men, and the chief captains, and the mighty men, and every bondman, and every free man, hid themselves in the dens and in the rocks of the mountains; and said to the mountains and rocks, fall on us, and hide us from the face of him that sitteth on the throne, and from the wrath of the Lamb: For the great day of his wrath is come; and who shall be able to stand? (Revelation 6:12-17)

Seal #7 Trumpets of Angels and the end of the world
“And when he had opened the seventh seal, there was silence in heaven about the space of half an hour.” (Revelation 8:1)

Somewhere in here is the rapture. Although I actually called my grandmother and asked when. She said it would happen before all of this happened. For those of you who don't know what that means that means everyone who believe in God disappears up to heaven. That is a lot of people gone in an instant. I can't even imagine the panic that would cause. And the fear of the people who were on the fence that were left behind. UGH just knowing that your belief wasn't strong enough and now you have no choice but to believe. And knowing that you are about to become hunted. Knowing that if you get the mark (or in my head chip implanted that allows you to purchase stuff or drive or anything that requires identification)you are doomed for death.
Horrible. HORRIBLE.

OK that's it no more of that show for me!

Sorry about the whole tangent thing today but it actually bothered me.

Thursday, October 22, 2009


Things. There are so many things to say but none of them seem to go together lol.
So I present to you things that are going on right now.

Yesterday was the funeral for the woman across the street. The day before was the visitation. I made them two platters of food and brought it to them. I also went to the visitation a hour before it started so I could pay my respects but not interupt the family.
It is a little creepy to walk into a room with a coffin when you are all by yourself and there is nothing but that super sad music playing.
Where the hell do they get that music anyway? And who decides I want to compose funeral music?

I am a idiot. No really. Friday I went to fill out my unemployment paperwork so I could get my check and noticed that I was suppose to fill it out the Friday before. I was wondering why in the heck I was totally running out of money and having to dip into my savings.
On the other hand had I got my check when I was suppose to I would have been kicking some serious ass in the saving area. UGH lol

I have company coming this weekend. Actually I have someone coming who needs to borrow the bed. She will arrive on Friday at 7pm and leave Saturday morning before 9am. She lives in Nevada and has a wedding down here she wants to go to Saturday morning. Better then a hotel I guess.
This means cleaning the house like company is coming. Washing bedding twice. And taking her out to dinner.
Don't get me wrong I really really like her but it seems a lot of work for someone who is going to be sleeping.

I would like to blow up my shower doors. No really. I have scrubbed for probably 6 hours on those glass doors. I have used everything suggested to me. I have used x14, comet, vinager, baking soda, windex, bleach, wd40, blah blah blah blah.
I have almost got the doors clean. (wishful thinking) They have spots of clear. Which of course makes it look like you never clean the doors because now it is coated with spots.

Today I was going to put out my tombstones and other Halloween decorations. But I woke up and it is so damn gloomy outside. Dark like dusk. For some reason the whole motivation thing just kind of slipped away. Maybe later lol
I kind of need to hurry since Halloween is next week. Sigh.

I have been dying to turn on the heater in the evenings. I wake up cold. However, I pay the PG&E so I haven't. Does that make me a bad person LMAO!!! I have a hard enough time paying the bills that I have without my electric bill going up to $200.


There is a blog (GIGI'S Rambling) I read all the time that for some reason WILL NOT ALLOW ME TO COMMENT. I used to be able to comment.... I kinda miss commenting....

Hmmmmm can't think of anything else right now lol.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

I broke into a house this weekend

No really I did!
In broad daylight!

OK so it was my neighbors house who happens to be my aunt but still she wasn't home!

Here's the story.

Sue gives me the key to her house so that I can let her dog Buster out to go potty and feed him while she is in Reno for the night. That morning she left on a bus. Around 11:00 I decide it has been long enough and the dog probably has to go outside. So I walk over and stick the key in the lock and nothing happens. I try again and still nothing.
Buster is inside barking his brains out at this point.
I turn to the garage door and put the key in and it opens. Oh crap she gave me the key to the garage and not to the house.

Now is when I start panicking a bit lol.

So I walk around the house checking windows and doors. Nothing. I go back home and tell my buddy Sazy what is happening. Since we were going to do something anyway she comes over.
We walk around the house looking at windows. We try the door. We try the sliding glass door. We notice the bathroom window opens about a inch but has a stick in it and a bunch of ceramic stuff on the shelf. We then walk around the front and see that her computer room window opens around 2 inches and it has a stick. We decide that we ARE getting in that house to let the poor dog out. That we WILL figure out how to get in a window with a stick in the track.
So we went in search of tools. The first thing we found was a arrow. We were able to reach in with our hand and we tried to get the arrow under the stick. After sweating and cussing no go. So we looked for something else. I found a grabber. You know one of those things that you squeeze and the tip closes. Something to help you grab something on a high shelf. No go. The dang thing just wouldn't work.
I should let you know at this point we are pretty frustrated. And we are looking over our shoulders waiting for the police to arrive. In fact it has been over an hour now.
I grabbed a little stick off the ground and stuck it through the window and noticed that it went through to the side with the stick. And I didn't have to have the window open all the way. So we started trying to figure out what was super skinny but super strong.
But the problem was I had changed all my coat hangers for the plastic ones. But I searched my entire house and found one in the honey's hunting closet.
We grabbed some wire clippers and went back over. At this point Buster is howling.
We bent the wire and poked and prodded and twisted and swore a lot. It just wasn't working. Our idea was to bend the wire at the end, hook it on the stick and pull it out. But the stupid stick was to far against the wall for us to put the coat hanger in.
We are now at around the 2 1/2 hour mark.

You ever have something like a burst of lightning happen. Where you go "I KNOW WHAT TO DO!"
We had that.
We pretty much incorporated what we had done and used the coat hanger and the arrow and that stick popped right out of the track. We could totally do that in 2 minutes now by the way.
I climbed through the window and let Buster outside.
Sazy and I helped ourselves to some Halloween candy. I think we deserved it, don't you?

Here is something you should know though. If you have a stick in your window make sure that you can only open that window LESS THEN an inch. Anything more then that someone can get in your window with ease. (Well once they learn how lol)


I have decided what my Halloween costume is going to be this year.


A burglar LMAO

Monday, October 19, 2009

I talk to much

I have a bad habit of running my mouth too much. In fact several of my reviews at different jobs over the years have said I need to listen more and not talk so much. So, it is not just limited to my personal life. It bleeds into my working life too.

I can tell you when it started. But I sure as hell can't figure out how to stop the habit and trust me I have tried.

See, when I was little my mother moved. A Lot. A whole fucking hell of a lot. At least once a year normally. And always in the middle of a school year. This means at least once a year I started a new school. For those of you who transfered schools you know how hard it is to come into the middle of a year when everyone was all ready established in their little groups.

I learned three lessons from that. Three coping things that I have brought with me into adulthood.

1. Smile even when you are terrified and make sure the smile is in your eyes too.
2. Say hello to anyone and everyone. One of them is bound to talk to you and maybe befriend you.
3. Talk. Talk a lot and maybe someone will listen and talk back.

The easiest for me to do was the smile and hello. The talking took on a life of it's own after a while.
The talking covers up insecurities I still have to this day. The "will they like me", "will I make a fool of myself", "am I good enough", "if I talk maybe they won't notice I am not perfect, pretty, skinny, happy"
I tend to talk first in any normal situation. "Hello"
I fill up silence with chatter. I talk. A Lot.

Sometimes in my quest to be "normal" or "likable" I talk to much. I say things out of turn. I make a ass out of myself.

Trust me I do this in type too. On message boards I frequent or blogs I comment on.

In my quest to be "someone" I can overstep a bit. I just don't know how not to. It has gotten so deep inside me that I don't know if I could not talk so much.

Because you see inside I am still that frightened person. I still want to be accepted for who I am. I still don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I still don't feel pretty or perfect or skinny or happy.

So I talk. And freaking talk.

I still say hello to almost every person I come into face to face contact. I still smile with my mouth and eyes. But inside I am cringing a whole lot. I don't want to be rejected and I am positive that I will be. So instead of giving you that chance I smile at you and talk. And talk.

I wish I didn't feel that need anymore. I wish that I could fix this problem of mine. I mean it must be a problem if even my works noticed it. But I don't know how. I don't magicly see myself becoming confident.

So I guess.... I guess I will continue to talk to much.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Last night

Last night I heard a fire truck pull up in front of my house. I walked outside to see them heading into my neighbors house. Within minutes a second and third fire truck pulled up. Then two police cars.
From the fire truck cb thing I hear their address and that a 58 year old woman was not breathing.
The neighbors started coming out of their houses.
An ambulance arrived and the paramedics rushed inside too.
They stayed in there for almost 45 minutes. All the neighbors banded together worrying. Waiting.
The firemen came out first. They huddled around the truck putting things away. Then the ambulance people came out with a stretcher. We all breathed a sigh of relief. If they were bringing her out on the stretcher she had to be fine right?
She wasn't on the stretcher. It was just filled with equipment.
My neighbor, a woman with three teenage children still in the house, had passed away.
Shock went through us all. The poor family. The poor husband.
All the fire trucks and the ambulance left leaving only the police to wait for the coroner. An hour passed and still no one came to get her body. Her body that was laying on the living room floor.
A police woman came over and asked if I could get a phone number to a mortuary for her. They called the mortuary to come pick her up since the coroner didn't seem to be doing it.

This morning I watched the family get into the car with a "suit of clothes". My heart broke into pieces for them.

That makes the third person on this block to die within the last three months including my uncle.

My emotions are all over the place. It was like being shoved back into the time of my uncles death. I couldn't sleep.

I need to go to the store and get some food to make for them today. I need to show them how very sorry I am for their loss.

This just really sucks.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

See post below for explanation of these LMAO

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Image and video hosting by TinyPic

Now notice how flat my hair is in the Einstein one. And how it has lost the color at the tips. These pictures were taken at the end of the day.

Halloween oh Sweet Wonderful Magical Halloween

Ever since I was a child I was in love with Halloween. The magic of being able to run through the streets in my sweaty little costume with my brother holding pillowcases. The magic of going door to door and yelling Trick or Treat. The families all standing outside while the children went crazy. Pouring out the candy on the living room floor. Waiting while the adults picked through the candy looking for needles.... you know they were just taking their favorites and throwing away the iffy candy.
There was a sense of freedom that night. A sense of magic. What other night could you be something you really weren't.

I feel that children now are missing out on that. The mall does not offer the same feelings. In fact you are hard pressed to find children out on Halloween night any more. It makes me sad. I used to get 35 -50 kids on Halloween. I know this because I count them lol. Now I am lucky if I reach 10-15. It is kind of depressing.

As I got older I maintained the getting dressed up for Halloween. In fact in 41 years I haven't missed one. I have worn tons of costumes over the year. And I have made all of them minus one. (and the ones from when I was a child)
Over the years I have been many things and got many different comments.

For Example......

The cat in the hat. I had it all. The big hat, the bow, the white gloves... all of it. A small boy came to the door for candy. When I opened the door his eyes got huge and he turned to his father and said in a voice totally filled with awe. "DAD! The cat in the hat lives here". Those are the moments that make Halloween so very special.

Medusa: I spent days and days searching for snakes for my hair. I finally settled for those little toy skinny snakes. I braided my hair into about 40 different braids and weaved snakes through each braid. A father who came to the door looked at me and said "wow you are beautiful" before realizing what he had said and muttering sorry and looking down.

Drowned Mafia Victim : I had fun with this one. I got two cardboard boxes big enough to hold my feet and spray painted them with faux cement. I covered myself in seaweed and yucky bugs. I looked gross and drowned lol.

Black Widow Spider I actually took childrens black tights and stuffed them to make the legs. I sewed them onto a body suit and put fishing line between each leg to attach them to each other. That way when I lifted my arms all of my "arms" lifted at the same time. I cut out a red hourglass from felt and put it on my chest. But I wore black pants cause there was no way in hell I was prancing around in a body suit thank you very much.

Einstein I had so much fun with this one. I looked through Salvation Army type stores for a lab coat. I ratted my hair until it was HUGE and sprayed it grey. I put on a mustache that matched my hair. My own brother looked at me and said I looked like a man so much it freaked him out lol.

Little Bo Peep : This was a costume I bought. Obviously I thought I was fatter then I actually was because the costume was big. But it had a little hat and a staff. I bought slippers that were little lambs. I had great fun with that costume.

Baby : The most boring costume to date. As you can tell from most of the other costumes I try to do something a little off. But this year Halloween caught me off guard. So a baby it was lol.

I will post pictures of the last three as soon as my old coworker sends them to me.

This year Halloween is on a Saturday! WOO HOO!! I still haven't figured out my costume yet. I blame that on being in some kind of funk. But not to worry I will have a costume. I can't wait to watch Ghost Hunters and give out candy to children.

Sigh... I LOVE Halloween.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Today I feel like a whiney Bitch

You know some days you just wake up and the world is not right. You feel a bit off. You don't want to do what you had planned. Actually you almost don't feel like doing anything. So I decided to just purge it all on here in hopes the mood would go away.

So.... warning.... bitching will take place

I am tired of not having a job. I am tired of looking every day and sending out resume after resume and not hearing a damn word. Not even a no thank you. It is really beginning to get to me. I know I am a good worker. I want to work. Can't someone out there give me a damn chance.
I know that right now is the worst time ever to be unemployed. Thousands of other people are unemployed too. So that means every job listing is hammered with resumes just like mine.
I am beginning to go a little stir crazy. I am beginning to worry about Christmas presents too. UGH

So yesterday the honey walks in as I am looking at my friend list on Facebook. I had just added a new relative of his and wanted to look at her profile. He loses his mind over the people in my list. Old coworker/friends (male) that I used to work with. Some of them for quite a few years. I tried explaining to him what Facebook is but all he saw was the "men" on my list. I tried explaining to him that is how I got my last job. By keeping in touch with people I used to work with. I tried to explain that his entire family is on my friends list and they can see everything I post. That he was more then welcome to sit down and read everything I ever posted. That I had nothing to hide. He refused to hear what I was saying and we ended up in a huge fight over nothing. UGH

Why can't the damn dogs learn to wipe their own stupid feet? I am so tired of them running around in the mud and then wanting to come back in. Who is on feet wiping duty. That would be me. UGH

So when we went to Reno this weekend for the first time ever we left the dogs at home. They are spoiled rotten and we kind of want to keep it that way. We decided to trust our neighbor who happens to be my aunt by marriage (for those of you who read from the beginning of this blog David's wife) to let the dogs out in the morning and in the house to sleep at night. Easy right? Only we come home to a pile of dog shit in the bathroom and a pile of catshit in the garage. This means only one thing. She didn't let the dogs out in the morning before 10am and she locked my poor cat Yeti in the garage for the day when she went to feed them. How hard is it to do simple things when you live next door? Guess it will be back to driving them to grandma's three hours away if we go away again. UGH

I need more cash then I am getting from unemployment. How can I pay my bills and pay back the money I owe to two people if I don't even get enough to cover the damn bills and grocery shopping? I guess I am more worried about paying back the two people then anything. I don't want to get behind. I was all ready there and my god I was this freaking close to being 100% debt free when I lost my job. Do you have any idea how exciting it was to TASTE the debt free life? Only to lose my job and get paranoid all over again? UGH

Can I also add how freaking frustrating it is to buy a book that the blurb on the back makes it sound great yet you can't even get through the first or second chapter without wanting to fall asleep or wash dishes? UGH

You know the sad part? That is if you are still with me here lol. The sad part is I don't even have PMS and I am this bitchy. Sigh.
Don't forget So You Think You can dance is on tonight. WATCH IT lol

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Getting to know me through TV

I thought it might be amusing to see if people can get to know me a little better through the tv shows I watch. And let me tell you right now I am a full fledged tv junkie.

The first show is Lost!

I have watched this from the beginning and let me tell you by now everyone is very confused LMAO. This is the last season so if you haven't watched don't bother. And it is my opinion that the long waits between shows killed this series.

Have you watched Heroes?

I love this show. Something about average people having some form of ability rocks my boat. I am liking the addition of the circus people this year.

How about So you think you can dance?

A friend of mine talked me into watching this for the first time last series. After watching the first show I was ready to smash my tv set every time Mary opened her mouth. But by the third show I think I loved Mary.
The contestants on this show can move. In fact half the time I am surprised they can do the things they do. I love this show!!!! You should watch it. They are just in Vegas right now so you haven't missed anything. Seriously turn on the tv and watch this!

And another of my favorites since the beginning is Ghost Hunters!!!!

They set out to debunk hauntings. That means when they actually do catch something real... it brings the hair on your arms to full attention. I love the cast of this. Jason, Grant, Tango and Steve. Yes there are two women but they kind of rub me the wrong way... ok so only one of them does but still. LOL. I can't wait until Halloween when they normally do a special where it is live ghost hunting.

And speaking of ghosts... Have you seen Ghost Whisperer?

This is another show I have watched from the beginning. It also has the ability to make me cry. A lot. I am not to sure about this season so far though. I think the introduction of the child was to abrupt for me. But I still love the show.

Now here is a foodie show that for some reason I just can't not watch lol. Iron chef america.

There is something exciting about watching this show. The challenge of cooking five complete dishes within one hour and not knowing in advance what you are cooking with. I love it!. There is an off shoot I am watching which is fun called the Next Iron Chef. It is great fun to see how they handle pressure.
Now I am not sure I actually want a new iron chef though... Well unless they get rid of one. Maybe Morimoto.

Then there is Survivor!

This is another show that I have watched from the beginning. It is fun to watch people get down and dirty. And Russell this year... wooo hoooo he is a big ass isn't he lol. Funny thing is I always tend to think they look better dirty. When the live show at the end happens I am always shocked at how ummm made up they look.

OH Bones! Have you seen Bones?

This show can get a bit cheesy but I love it. I wish Angela and Hodges had stayed together though sigh. The finale last year sucked bad though.

Well you guys get the idea right. There are a few more.... FlashForward for one.

By the way it is raining like a mad man here. I have a stopped up gutter that I have tried to unstop and got completely soaked in the process. I couldn't do it. It doesn't help that I am the biggest chicken when it comes to heights.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Had fun in Reno

We went this weekend for a surprise birthday party for the honey's brother. It turned out incredibly fun. However this weekend I drank enough and ate enough for the next two weeks.
I had started with a nice dark beer and somehow got talked into a beer sampler at the brewery we were at. No one told me they made 15 different beers. Or that the samples came in juice glasses.
See, I don't drink. Well that isn't quite right. I drink probably about 3-5 times a year. New years eve. Grandma's house glass of wine with cards. Grandmas bottle of champagne. A random bottle of wine. It is all pretty random and really really rare. In fact one beer and I can feel tipsy.
So there I was with a finished huge glass of dark beer and 15 juice cups filled with different beers. I drank them all except three. One tasted like smoke Blick, One tasted like perfume blick and one tasted like flowers, blick. Needless to say I was freaking hammered LMAO!
Add in two buffets, a huge lunch with cake and a ton of Kaluha and creams and this weekend was a success.
And yes..... I had a hangover and a half the next day.
I also walked into the casino with $20 and two days later walked out with $25. So I did well there too.

I still have quite a few blogs that I want to put up but I keep getting sidetracked. And now we are about to get a monster storm that is going to drop a ton of rain so I need to go get everything outside ready for that. Move the table under the awning. Pick up the dog crap. Try to get some of the pine needles off the roof. Move the BBQ. Just a bunch of stuff like that.
So I shall see you all tomorrow!
Soup for dinner yum!!

Friday, October 9, 2009

The Nobel Peace Prize board needs their ass kicked

This morning I checked the news. I like to do that every morning just to see if anything unusual or scary or even newsworthy enough to note has happened.
The first thing I see this morning was this.

President Barack Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize.


You know I have sat back and watched the media create this man into some huge wonder person. Which is fine. Do a great job and that is all that matters. I know the media is a group of idiots who can't help but shove his face into every broadcast.

However... This has gone to far.

Now now before you get your panties in a bunch (although I did warn you I would probably piss you guys off sometimes....) Let me tell you I know that Obama did not ask for this. That he did not give himself this award.

Know that I am NOT upset with the President.


Know that I am freaking LIVID at the committee who chooses who to give this award to. They chose to give this to him two weeks into his presidency.
They did not care how he would end up doing his job. The only cared about what he said he was going to do.

Here is the rule they have to abide by:
In his will, Swedish industrialist and inventor Alfred Nobel said the Peace Prize, presented annually in Oslo, should be awarded "to the person who shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations, for the abolition or reduction of standing armies and for the holding and promotion of peace congresses."

My heart goes out to those people whose entire lives have been in the quest of peace. I can only hope that those nominated on the side of Obama get another chance. Another year to be looked at because I don't think this one was fair. This was a slap in the face to all their hard work.

I don't believe that Obama should have gotten this prize. At least not yet. Maybe in the future but not now.

I would have no problem with him winning this award had he earned it. He didn't though.

OK!!!! AHEM......

See maybe I should read the news after I get my coffee cause the news pissed me off today.
Well I am off later today for Reno for a Birthday party. It is pretty funny that I have no damn cash but I keep being pulled here and there.

And yes another day I didn't post off my I want to do this for a blog list lol


Why can't I remember to hit follow. I end up reading a blog closing it to go to the next one then realize half way through the next one I never hit follow on the first one. UGH. I will remember!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

When I look in the mirror...

Mama Kat has this writer's workshop where she lists 5 prompts and you pick one and write about it. Well see I have this list I made while grandma was here of blogs I want to do. However, I felt one of the prompts. It made me want to be brutally honest about myself.
So here we go.

When I look in the mirror...

When I look in the mirror I see someone I don't recognize sometimes. Sometimes she is older then me. Sometimes she is fatter then me. Sometimes there is no spark in her eyes.
When I look in the mirror I see someone who needs to do so much more. Someone who seems to have lost something along the way. Someone who is just surviving life instead of living it.
When I look in the mirror I see someone who has settled. Someone who has mood swings from right to left. Someone who doesn't feel they are good enough. Pretty enough. Smart enough.
When I look in the mirror I see a woman who will never have children. Someone who wanted a large family. Someone who is afraid to be alone in her old age.
When I look in the mirror I see fear and sadness. I see loneliness. I see hopeless.

But sometimes....Sometimes...

When I look in the mirror I see hope. I see a person that can do anything they want to. I see a person who is healthy.
When I look in the mirror I see not the fat but the beauty. I see hope. I see family.
When I look in the mirror I see my mother and my father mixed together into someone completely different.
When I look into the mirror I see my whole life ahead of me. The chance to do good things. To really live.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and I just see me.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009


Does anyone else feel like the term hero is being over used? It seems like the media tags someone a hero without hesitation. This bothers me. I have a firm idea of what makes someone a hero.
For example this man is a hero in my eyes.

This man without thought for his own life went and grabbed the boy from the fire. That to me is a hero.

Now there is another man who people are calling a hero also. However, I don't call him a hero. (here is where I piss people off) I call him a man who did his job well. A man who was saving his own ass and in the process saved others. In my opinion doing your job does not make you a hero.

Yes he saved people by crash landing in the river instead of the buildings but think about this. Here is a pilot who knows he is going to crash. He has a choice to crash into buildings or crash into a river. He chose to crash into a river. How really does that make him a hero? He was doing his job. Should he be awarded for it. Hell yes. Should people be proud of him? Yes. Should the families of the people he kept alive with his decision honor him? Yes.
Does it make him a hero to me? No. No it doesn't.

A hero does something free will. A hero makes a choice to go out of his comfort zone to save someone.

Another example? (more angry people now....)

Should a soldier be considered a hero? No. Not all of them. They are doing their job. Should we hold them in the highest esteem? Yes. Should we support them in everything? Yes. They keep our country safe. They need our love and support. They are our backbone. But just serving our country as their job does not a hero make. There will be some soldiers who are heroes though. Just not every one of them. The media portrays them all as returning heroes. I don't agree.

A honest to God hero is someone like this group of people. People who knew they were going to die if they did something before letting the people in charge choose their death. They knew by doing something they would cause their own death yet they chose to act instead of sit back.

The people of flight 93 knew they were on a plane bound to kill innocent people. They were aware of what had been happening. They chose to stop the terrorists the only way they knew how. They acted knowing they were choosing death for themselves while saving innocent lives in another location. They are true heroes.

I think the media needs to calm down on it's use of the word hero or it won't mean anything anymore. It will just be a catch phrase.
So I guess I just feel if you are doing your job you are not automaticly a hero. There are times however when you are. Sigh.

One last thing that has nothing at all to do with this post.... what in the heck is a google reader?

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Sweet home..... errr why do I have so much to do!

Well I finally am home alone. After having grandma for 10 days it feels great to have quiet and no sense of having to do something to entertain someone. I miss her all ready though lol.

Grandma's kitty is missing. She lives up in the mountains so it doesn't look good. This is day 6. I spent some time putting up signs and looking for vultures and a cat while I was up at her house. Of course it was her favorite kitty. Sigh.

I came home to a messy house too. I guess that is to be expected but still UGH. I have washed three loads of laundry so far. I have a sink full of dishes to do. The cats room needs to be cleaned. The shower is gross. Anyone know how to get rid of soap scum. My arms are going to fall off pretty soon.
The honey bought a new knife set for the kitchen. I was pretty excited. Yes... I know I am sad that way but wooo hooo new knifes. Then he told me don't forget to wash them. UGH.

I actually wrote a list of things I want to blog about since I was going into blog withdrawl. I also spent a good part of the morning catching up on reading of blogs. I have one blog I may post tomorrow that will piss people off LMAO. Well... it might or not I have no idea. It is just something that has been bothering me.

Speaking of blogs I think I have this whole thing wrong. I have all the blogs I read in my favorites bar. Am I suppose to hit that little follow button instead. I guess I probably should in case this computer dies. Something for tomorrow! Click follow lol.

Something for today is grocery shopping. I have one scoop of coffee left and if I don't buy some soon I will end up a very NOT NICE person. I need my coffee.
Another thing for today is going back over the last few days of job postings and sending my resume out. I really need to find a job. Living on unemployment isn't quite working. And Christmas is coming. I need cash lol.

Well now I am all caught up with what I am doing and what I need to do. Look for a regular blog post tomorrow.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Taking Grandma home


I am so ready for a little bit of me time here. So today I am off to drive grandma home and will be back on Monday.
It has been great while at the same time bone tiring. We have shopped everywhere since she doesn't have big stores where she lives and I now have a entire truck full of stuff to take home with her lol. We have a long drive today.

I have lots of tv to catch up with on the DVR since she likes to chat while the tv is on and I can't hear the tv. I am kind of having tv withdrawls.

Last night some of the honey's buddies brought over three weinie dog puppies and told us we could have one. I fell in love but the honey said our two giant dogs were to much. I was kind of disappointed but well... they might actually eat the tiny puppy. Not really but that is what he was afraid of.

I didn't ask grandma to guest blog because this blog is mine. No one knows about it. I prefer it that way. Well the honey kind of knows I am blogging but he has never seen it and I doubt he ever will. This is mine. My own thing.

So I shall talk to you all on Monday or Tuesday depending on how tired I am when I get home!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

awww I won a award

Imagine my surprise when I was sneak reading some of my favorite blogs and came across myself winning an award!

It is called the Kreative Blogger award and it looks like this.

This was given to me by a wonderful lady Gigi over here. Gigi's Ramblings
So go read her blog people lol

Anywhooooo... This has rules for me to follow! And they are......

1. Thank the person(s) who nominated you for this award.
Thanks Gigi for thinking of me and giving me this award!!! I appreciated it.

2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog. Done!

3. Link to the person(s) who nominated you for this award. Going to be done soon lol

4. List seven things about yourself people might not know.

One: I have one brother.
Two: I consider myself republican with a twist. Meaning I will vote for who ever I feel will do the best job regardless of what party they are in.
Three: I totally think I would end up as the crazy cat lady if I wasn't in this relationship. I could see myself with about 10 cats and loving every minute of it.
Four: Since I cannot have children I worry about what is going to happen to me when I am old.
Five: I have to sleep under a blanket even if it is over a hundred degrees. A sheet probably but I need to be under something.
Six: I have seen ghosts.
Seven: I have mood swings. Times when I feel inadaquate. And times I just feel so damn down.
5. Nominate seven Kreative Bloggers. Ok here we go....

I decided to just give you some of my favorites. Some that either make me think or make me laugh or just plain old interest me.

Here is one that I wasn't sure I would like but ended up loving. I think she is me in a different blog lol.
Wonderful World of Weiners

This guy I stumbled across accidently and I think he is a kindred spirit of mine. I have this feeling that some day we will be real world friends. Maybe years from now but it will come lol

Here I found someone to cheer for. Someone I wanted all to do well.
Big Mama Cass

This is just plain fun reading.
Not your average soccer mom

This person is amazing. Doing the right thing when everyone else doesn't see it.
Manic Mariah

This guy I stumbled across on accident. The first post I read made me cry due to the kindness and fear inside. He has a eye that can't be beat with his camera.
I thirst

And I am all about keeping it real. She keeps it real and I appreciate that.
Unknown Mami

6. Post links to the seven blogs you nominate. done
7. Leave a comment on the seven blogs you nominate so they know they have been nominated. (off to do this now)

AND I am making a new rule. You do not have to do this if you do not want to lol