Impromtu camping trip

I will be back around Wednesday of next week!!!

SORRY!!!

Things I would do if I was single

Being in a long term relationship means compromise. Little things and big things. But you decide it will be worth it in the long run. But that doesn't mean after 20 years of dating the same man I don't have this woman inside of me that screams from time to time.
Sometimes you begin to wonder if you have compromised to much. If you have lost yourself.
Sometimes that woman inside you makes you feel as though your skin is to tight and your sanity is not quite right. She whispers about all the things you are missing out on. Things you normally don't miss but with that bitchy you bitching at you, you begin to wonder.

So... Here is an ode to that damn screaming woman inside of me.

If I were single I would....

Burn scented candles in the house. Hell I would even burn incense. This is something I can't do because the honey has asthma. I miss the scents flowing through my house. The calming of Lavender. The brightness of melon.

Get a second tattoo. In fact I all ready know exactly what it would be. In fact I have known for years what it would be. But... the honey hates them. HATES them. In fact he wanted me to get rid of the one I have. Sorry.

Get another kitten. I know I have a lot of cats now but they are all getting pretty up there in age. And the fact that they are all around the same age freaks me out a bit. That means they will all generally probably go around the same time. Having a younger one would mean I would have a companion that will be around longer.

Stay somewhere unique by myself. It seems that every time I go somewhere I am either with someone, visiting someone or staying with someone. I would love to just be by myself for a day or two. With no one to meet or errands to do. Just wandering by myself. The honey is very ummm protective and feels that a woman alone is just asking for someone to hurt her. I can understand this from him. But that doesn't make it any easier on my mental state. Sometimes you just want to be alone.

Not cook. Maybe for a week. Live off sandwiches or fruit or chips and dip. Not have to make meals that include three things. Meat, veggies and starch. I honestly believe that if I wasn't dating the honey I would lose weight rapidly. I don't need to eat a full dinner. Sometimes I don't want one but he is hungry so I make it and eat it. I don't want to feel like I HAVE to cook. That is how I feel now.

Walk around the house naked. The honey is so sure that all the neighbors (or weirdos) are looking through the windows that are closed. So we MUST wear clothes in the house. There are times when I would just like to walk to the kitchen and grab something to drink without having to get dressed.

Stay up late late late. Doing what ever I want. See the honey gets up at oh dark thirty to go to work. Then he comes home and wants to go to bed early. Well that would be fine except he has this weird thing. He can't go to sleep unless I am in the bed. That means I have to go to bed early. There are times I hate this. I would love to be able to play on the internet or watch movies or what ever I want to do until late. If he falls asleep while I am watching tv I can watch for as long as I want unless he wakes up. Then it is lights out and tv off. I can't tell you the number of times I have laid there staring at the ceiling.

Go to sleep in a messy bed. For some reason he can't sleep unless the bed is made. I long to just climb in that messy bed without having to make it first.

Eat fast food for dinner. The only time I can eat fast food is if I am with Sazy or by myself. The honey does not eat fast food but VERY rarely. I find myself thinking wouldn't it be nice if I could just eat a hamburger for dinner that I didn't have to cook myself.

There are so many more things that I may tell you at a later date. But... gotta go clean my shower. OH JOY

Just because I am a woman doesn't mean I am Martha Stewart

Seriously! Personally I would like to kick Martha Stewart's ass for being herself. For making people think that we should all be like her.
Hold down a job. Make our own wrapping paper. Cook like a dream. Have a perfect house.
Hello!!!! I am a real girl not a machine.
I don't have servants. I don't have the money she has. I AM NOT PERFECT.
I don't want to do this like my newest woman's day magazine wants me to.....

First off I hate candy corns. Secondly who the hell has time to glue all those nasty things into a wreath.
And the things they want me to make for fall. Come on! Seriously WTF

That looks fun to make right? Sure, let me run out and buy myself a pumpkin. NOT
My table will never look like this.

And because it will never look like that in some peoples eyes I will have failed at being a woman.
My food will never look like this.

or this

But you know what? It may not be pretty but it is going to taste damn good.
My house will never look like this....


But it is a home. A home where you aren't scared to put your feet up or set a glass down or hell even walk across the carpet.
This doesn't mean I have failed as a woman. It doesn't mean I am not perfect as I am. (far from perfect but that is a whole other post lol)
I am not Martha Stewart. I will never be Martha Stewart. My magazines will not turn me into her either. I am a woman who is unique, quirky and a little off. So I can't grab some leaves and a pumpkin and whip out a centerpiece. I don't want to. I would rather read a good horror novel!

The gold bug mine pictures

I have been promising and promising pictures of Sazy and my vacation. Well here is the gold bug mine portion. Remember to click the pictures to get the full view.
First off we couldn't believe that they let us go inside by ourselves. If you have read my blog for a while you know we get into trouble when we are by ourselves. We touched everything there was to touch. In fact we touched so dang much that when we came out our hands were black as soot. We got in trouble when we asked what was on our hands. That didn't stop us from giggling over it for the rest of the day.
We were over 121 feet underground. It was wonderful and cool inside. We then gold panned and got nothing but some bratty kids that followed us around for awhile.

I don't know what is going on with me

I just can't seem to get in the groove to do anything including blogging. I guess I didn't get the job. I had left them a message and never heard anything so oh well. I wonder if the hope then lack of hope has anything to do with my lack of interest in what seems to be everything.
It isn't just the blogging it is everything. I can see the dirt piling up in the corners of the house and I still only spot clean. I put the laundry into the dryer to dry then leave it there. Even my cooking is half assed. And I love to cook.
I need to snap out of this. It really is beginning to piss me off. This waffling back and forth between normal and not normal. I need to "man up".
It is really rather irritating to look at something you enjoy and care less.
Yesterday I had a burst of screw this you need to take care of stuff you are just letting sit. So I called and made a appointment for boob squishing that is several months overdue. I made a appointment for my itchy hands. I called in regards to my cobra which I found out is going to go from $137.55 per month to $393 per month in November. OUCH!!!!!
I applied for jobs like normal. I wish someone would pay me for applying lol.
I wrote a nasty letter to the cemetery due to the neglect of the 9-11 memorial I visit every year to place flowers. I actually got a call back from the manager saying he had went out and agreed with everything I said in my letter. We seem to be playing phone tag now.
Wow this post is all over the place isn't it?
That is how my mind is lately. Nothing smooth and flowing just unjointed and off.

Tonight survivor starts. WOOT. Love that damn show. And this time it is the old people versus the young people. Wanna know what is old? Over 40. UGH might as well start researching rest homes for myself now.
Anywhoooo gotta go get squished. Talk to you all soon I hope.

Still don't know if I have a job or not.

I went to the interview (then it turned out to be over 103 degrees for a few days and I think I explained that I mentally shut off in heat like that so no posts... SORRY)AND the man was home for the labor day weekend so no computer time for me.

The interview went well except the payroll they would want me to do is union which means they would have to train me. In this economy I am sure there are a ton of people who are all ready trained in union payroll so I don't have high hopes. The job was 30 hours a week with a possibility of full time though. No idea about salary though.

They said they would let me know either way within a week to two weeks.

There is part of me that doesn't look forward to doing something other then estimating. Although I know deep down that it is going to be a long time until those types of jobs start up again.
There is a part of me that is so hopeful that they will pick me. There is another part of me who firmly believes that they won't pick me. Between the two of me I am a basket case LOL

And on to the next thing lol

I wanted to share a picture of me and my grandma at the location of the wedding in Tahoe.

Here is a picture of the bride walking towards the little tent they gave her to change into her wedding dress.

Notice anything odd? Like the fact that there are clear windows on the tent....that had no curtains inside to close. Notice all the people on the beach? Around the tent? WTF
The poor thing had to get undressed and dressed in there while a group of us stood with our backs to the windows. Unreal.
Here I am at the reception with my nephew Roy and his wife Crystal. Please do not mind the OMG HOW THE HELL MUCH CHAMPAGNE DID I DRINK look I am sporting ok?


I have a ton more pictures to post from my vacation but wanted to get started with these.

Little nervous here

It feels like ages since I had to go to an interview. So here I am dressed for it 2 hours before. Getting ready to put on my make up and do my hair.
I can rock this interview. I know my stuff. It is just there is that big unknown. What is the salary and what are the hours?
I don't want to waste my time and his time. (Going anyway lol)
I can't work less then 24 hours at a fairly good salary.
See, got myself all worked up over something I don't know. I hate that about myself.

Ok... gotta finish getting ready.

*deep breath