Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Please excuse this rant

But I am just so damn frustrated with this job search. I am so damn tired of looking for work every single day and never hearing anything back from anyone. I am so tired of hearing the honey say things like "if you had a job we could do this or that" "If you had a job we could buy another piece of property" "Are you sure you are looking for a job"
Well you know what I don't have a damn job. I can't find a damn job. And yes damn it I am looking for a freaking job!
I am flat out discouraged right now.
I have been out of work since the last week of July of LAST YEAR. I can't even get the dang entry level jobs I apply for. I can't even get freaking interviews. Or even a stupid letter saying "Sorry."
I feel like I am at my wits end here. My moods go up and down like crazy. One day I am fine and search away. The next day I sit there with my head in my hand as I scroll through all the job postings knowing that I will not get any job I apply for. But I still apply.
I am TIRED of applying. I am tired of not working. I am tired of the looks I get when people act all freaking surprised and horrified that I STILL don't have a job. Hell people put yourself in my shoes. You think I freaking am enjoying this. You think I like that every penny has to be accounted for. That just paying my bills and buying groceries take every bit of my unemployment and then some. You think I like watching that savings go down down down knowing that pretty freaking soon there won't be a savings anymore.
Even the damn grocery store won't hire me.
I swear to god I like to work. That I will do a good job. But it just seems no one will give me a chance.
I know that thousands and thousands of people are in my shoes. I know that just here in the Bay Area I am pretty much the bottom of the pack because I do not have a degree. Hell the job postings right now are asking for a freaking degree for a receptionist position.
I feel like pulling my hair out. I feel like less of a person. I feel like a damn failure. I hate this HATE HATE HATE this.
I just want my life back. My normal life where I go to work. Have money to pay the bills. Have a little extra to do fun stuff if I want to. I want to be able to buy that chicken costume for Halloween. I want to be normal again. I want to stop having to do math in my head in regards to groceries or any other purchase. I want to not have to look at my bank account every day. I want to stop being frightened.
I just want a damn job.
I want to stop being ruled by my emotions. I am tired of being depressed. I am tired of feeling like a damn charity case. Yes, unemployment makes me feel like a charity case while at the same time I thank god that I actually have it.
I am tired of looking at the dollar amount left and worrying about what I am going to do when in 6 checks I run out.
I am tired of sitting at home. I am tired of cooking and cleaning.
I am just tired of everything.
I just want a job. Is that so hard. I just want people to look at me like I am not a charity case. I want them to stop wondering what is wrong with me that I can't find work.
I just want my life back. :(


  1. Hi! I thought about this before, several times, but I didn't offer because I thought you would think I'm weird. But weirdness be damned, I'm going to offer this to you anyway. If you send me your resume and let me look at it and see if there may be some tweaking that could be done to make it more appealing, I will be happy to look at it for you. Free of charge, of course! And you can take your identifying information (name and address and phone number) off for confidentality purposes. All I really need to see is the content, format and wording in the resume itself.

    What makes me want to offer this now... is because I've submitted my resume several times last week and I got two bites. Neither panned out, but they responded to my resume, after I made some changes with professional help.

    OORR...I could send you MY resume and you can look at it, use it for comparation purposes. For the formatting, the way it looks, etc? Would that be better? Just an idea... you can say no and I won't think badly of you at all. I just wanted to offer because I DO know how frustrating it is to find a job, and having it feel like people think I am slacking off when I really am not! grr!

  2. Jody, I totally feel your pain! I've been looking since the end of June with no bites whatsoever! It is frustrating to say the least. Redoing your resume may be a good option. I've redone mine three times already and have two different recruiter companies helping me search to no avail! I wish you all the luck in the world, from one unemployed person to another!

  3. I know it's hard. Many, many hugs.

  4. I'm showing this post to E. because she's feeling the same way. She's been looking since December 2009. It's tough and I HOPE for your sanity that something comes through soon.

  5. I can only imagine what you are going through. I am sorry you have to deal with this.