I am driving myself crazy. I had a complete meltdown yesterday. One of those types where you lay in bed at night and wonder if you actually should be on some kind of medication. The honey keeps telling me I am depressed. Well hello! I know I am depressed.
How do I know this. Well lets take a look at a few signs shall we?
1. I never left the house without make up. Ever. If I did on a very very very rare occasion I would be mortified that someone might see me. Now? I can't remember the last time I put make up on. Well minus the interview I went on. I no longer care. Really who gives a flying fuck. Where do I go? And if I do go somewhere who cares.
This is NOT normal for me. I know this.
2. In this household I live with a germ guy. This means a shower in the morning and a shower at night. Every day. (sometimes more if he feels like it) I am suppose to follow suit. In fact I did. It didn't bother me. I liked it. Well that shower in the morning thing? Totally stopped on the days he goes to work. In fact it is a damn effort just to brush my hair some days.
3. Yesterday I noticed a patch of grey in my hair. About a half inch wide. Did I lose my mind like normal and run out to buy some hair dye? Nope. Would I have in the past? Yup, in fact as soon as I saw the first hint of returning grey I would have all ready had the dye in my hair.
4. A lot of my pants are capris. This means you shave your legs at least from the knee down in order to wear them right? Well... not anymore. In fact I am wearing some right now with my not combed hair and the hair on my legs is probably a 1/4 inch long. I don't care. I will go outside like this and not care. That is NOT normal.
5. I just can't seem to get interested in anything anymore. Things that normally interest me don't. I am just so tired. So freaking tired.
I really need to shake myself out of this funk. (and yes there is a much much longer list) I feel like some kind of damn pansy ass who can't handle her reality. I am from much stronger stock then that. My family would kick my ass if they could see me now. And I really don't care LOL Ahem.
Depression sucks. I want to shake myself and wake up. I can just imagine what fun I am with the honey.
A online friend of mine yesterday made the suggestion that I should go volunteer somewhere. That it will make me feel useful again. It was a really really nice and wonderful suggestion. But instead of making me feel like it was a really nice and wonderful suggestion I got defensive and semi irritated. Which is completely stupid and a totally non rational reaction to that statement. I felt like an asshole for my own feelings.
See mood swings. STUPID!!!!
anyhoooo... in other news the job I interviewed for.. still haven't heard anything. I even sent them a thank you note. oh well.