No... it isn't hate it is downright fear. More then fear it is terror.
Again this stems from my childhood when I had Dr. Dawson. Yes, I even remember his name.
The man had to be 90 years old and he shook. A lot. A LOT! So much shaking that when he was drilling it was completely normal for him to drill off the tooth and into your lip, cheek or gums.
I lived in mortal fear of going to visit him and that has passed on over into my adulthood.
As soon as I step foot into the dentists office I start to shake. I shake to the point where people notice I am shaking. That and the paleness that takes over my face makes me look like I am on the verge of passing out..... which actually to be totally 100% honest I am. The fine coating of sweat doesn't help either I am sure.
Why am I telling you about my death fear of dentists? Because yesterday while eating a stupid fruit snack I felt a piece of my tooth come out. A big piece. A large enough piece that I knew instantly I was going to have to go to the dentist.
If only the fear was the only issue I have. But of course it isn't.
See what seems like a million years ago now but in actuality it was only 6 years ago. I think or it might have been 5 I decided that fear would not be an issue. I was going to the dentist and I was going to get everything fixed. See I come from a family who has bad teeth. Not crooked and ugly but teeth that get cavities very easy. Soft enamel I think the dentist called it.
So I spent 4 months getting 4 million things taken care of. That meant going to the dentist every 2 to three weeks. After insurance took care of their portion I owed out of pocket $4000.
But I was so damn happy my mouth was perfect.
But I owed $4000. I have been making payments since then. My latest bill is for $678.00. I am almost done!!
See that... Almost done. :(
Now I have to go get something fixed.
And I have no dental insurance.
So there are my issues. I have to go back to a dentist that I still owe money to from a million years ago, with no insurance.
I am embarrassed that I still owe them money.
I am embarrassed that I have no insurance.
I am embarrassed to go to the dentist.... tomorrow at 1pm.
Add the fear to that combo and I just might actually pass out tomorrow.
This sucks :(