You know I have a great friend. I swear I am surprised I didn’t send her running and screaming. Not many people would do what she did for me today. And hold it together like she did in the face of me losing it a bit. Or maybe losing it a lot.
My uncle is not doing well. His words are beginning to slur and he needed his first morphine today. But his wife needed the power of attorney signed for his medical.
Oh shit.. sheesh why is this so fucking hard for me. I can’t even type this without squirting damn tears out of my eyes.
He does not want any resuscitation effort made. Well the honey was suppose to witness and sign the DNR form last night but everyone got to talking and he left this morning for 2 days without signing the paper. David was better yesterday I think everyone expected there to be time. With the change in him today she needed the paper signed. It needed to not be a relative. That is where my poor friend came in. She had just come over for our Monday movie night instead she ended up witnessing a piece of paper that when handed to me felt like my heart fell out of my chest.
Seriously something about that paper kicked my ass. For the first time in front of him I began to well up and lose it. I tried really really hard to pull it together. It was rough. My poor friend. God I feel awful for having her have to do that. But thankful that she was willing too.
How do you thank someone for something like that? How do you tell someone how very much that meant to you? How very sorry she was put in that place? How wonderful a feeling to know that someone would do that for you and for David?
God I hated that piece of paper. To me that paper was death. Holding it was pure hell and all I wanted was it out of my hand. Now. And she signed it for me and David and Sue. I love her for that.
I hate this. I honestly hate this. I am so not freaking coping well at all.