As I applied to job number 8 for the day. I don't expect to get a job anymore. The number of jobs I am applying for has increased. Temporary agencies. Regular jobs. Retail jobs. I am applying to a minimum of 5 a day, mostly more, since I got back from vacation.
But yesterday it hit me. I honestly don't believe I am going to get a job. As I sent out my resume I felt nothing. I no longer check the answering machine as soon as I walk in the door anymore. I mean why bother? It is not like there is going to be a call on there. In fact yesterday I didn't remember about the answering machine until around 7pm.
Applying has just become something I do. Something that doesn't mean anything. No one is going to call me. Just like they haven't called me for the last year.
In over a year of applying I have had two interviews. One that led to that stupid three week job. Other then that... no phone calls. I can count on one hand the number of no thank you letters I have gotten.
My self esteem has taken a large hit.
It doesn't help the comments that you hear when someone asks if you have found work yet.
"You need to apply more"
"You don't have a job YET??"
"Your resume must be screwed up"
"You need to try to find a job in order to find a job"
"You just like staying home and getting paid for it"
"Aren't you even looking?"
"Try a temp agency/job board/networking" (like I haven't)
"Being on unemployment is like being on welfare. Once you get on it is easy to not try anymore. Don't you want a job?"
"You are not trying hard enough"
"Got a job yet?"
"Geez how long are you going to milk the system?"
Those are just a few. They hurt. But there is nothing more I can do to find a job. I look at all job sites daily including the temp agencies. I look at cities and county jobs. I look at company websites that are in my area. There are no jobs.
I don't expect to find one either.
So daily I will apply like it is a normal thing to do. Daily I will do what ever I do around the house while pretending that I will be hired some day. I hate this. :(