You know the older I get the worse my pms gets. I have always had rough periods. The kind that knock you on your ass and make you curl up into a little ball with some kind of heating pad. I envied those women who it seemed like it was no big deal. They were perfectly normal. Doing the stuff they normally do. Little if no cramps.
Me though..I never had that.
Now it is getting worse. I know my eggs are reaching the end of their shelf life and my body has to use more hormones to push them along their way. But man it sucks.
First comes the headache. That low throbbing beacon that says "hold on to your hats because this is going to be a bumpy ride"
That headache sticks with me for almost a week before. Then comes the tightening of my shoulders. The tension that just seems to grow and grow. Add in a little bit of not caring about anything you normally care about. Not bothering to post a blog. Not wanting to play a game you play daily. Not wanting to read when you read daily.
Throw in some swollen boobs that feels like they are going to explode if you touch them, a back that feels like someone is sticking a poker in your spine and skin that feels like it wants to crawl off your body and you have a recipe for irritability.
Not normal irritability either.
The kind where you go to open the silverware drawer and something catches and instead of just pushing it shut and trying again you find yourself wanting to rip the drawer out of its slot and throwing the damn thing across the room.
The kind where the dog lays in the hallway and normally you just step over her but now it just sends you into some kind of GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY rage. Of course that one is just internal as you step over the dog but it sticks with you.
The kind where you go to pull a piece of clothing out of the washer but it is wrapped around something else and all you want to do is pull the damn thing out or throw the washer into the street.
The kind where someone says something to you and all you can think in your head is shut the fuck up SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!
I hate it. I hate that I have no control over the rage that sweeps through my body at random times. I hate that I walk around feeling all hunched over from the tension. I hate it all.
The doctor has told me I can take birth control pills to control it a bit. But why the hell would I want to take birth control when I can't get pregnant?
I know it would lighten the flow, slow a bit of the rage and probably make me a bit nicer but I don't want to take any medication that is not necessary. And that falls in the category of not necessary. Now if there was some pill I could take for the week before I would probably do it.
I worry about how much worse it is going to get.
The rage has only grown. The boob thing has gotten worse. The headache has just occurred during the last few years. The spike in the back has grown in intensity.
Oh and the new sweats that come at night FUN SHIT THERE.
I know it is all precursors to getting menopause.. ohhhh doesn't that sound fun. I just can't wait for that either.
Hair growing out of places it isn't suppose to. Sweats that are so bad that you wake up in a wet bed. (at least mine right now are just a light coating over my entire body)Hot flashes, mood swings all month. OH JOY
hmmmm I guess I needed to bitch for a second lol