Thursday, July 29, 2010

Sometimes being a woman sucks

You know the older I get the worse my pms gets. I have always had rough periods. The kind that knock you on your ass and make you curl up into a little ball with some kind of heating pad. I envied those women who it seemed like it was no big deal. They were perfectly normal. Doing the stuff they normally do. Little if no cramps.
Me though..I never had that.
Now it is getting worse. I know my eggs are reaching the end of their shelf life and my body has to use more hormones to push them along their way. But man it sucks.
First comes the headache. That low throbbing beacon that says "hold on to your hats because this is going to be a bumpy ride"
That headache sticks with me for almost a week before. Then comes the tightening of my shoulders. The tension that just seems to grow and grow. Add in a little bit of not caring about anything you normally care about. Not bothering to post a blog. Not wanting to play a game you play daily. Not wanting to read when you read daily.
Throw in some swollen boobs that feels like they are going to explode if you touch them, a back that feels like someone is sticking a poker in your spine and skin that feels like it wants to crawl off your body and you have a recipe for irritability.
Not normal irritability either.
The kind where you go to open the silverware drawer and something catches and instead of just pushing it shut and trying again you find yourself wanting to rip the drawer out of its slot and throwing the damn thing across the room.
The kind where the dog lays in the hallway and normally you just step over her but now it just sends you into some kind of GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY rage. Of course that one is just internal as you step over the dog but it sticks with you.
The kind where you go to pull a piece of clothing out of the washer but it is wrapped around something else and all you want to do is pull the damn thing out or throw the washer into the street.
The kind where someone says something to you and all you can think in your head is shut the fuck up SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP!!!
I hate it. I hate that I have no control over the rage that sweeps through my body at random times. I hate that I walk around feeling all hunched over from the tension. I hate it all.
The doctor has told me I can take birth control pills to control it a bit. But why the hell would I want to take birth control when I can't get pregnant?
I know it would lighten the flow, slow a bit of the rage and probably make me a bit nicer but I don't want to take any medication that is not necessary. And that falls in the category of not necessary. Now if there was some pill I could take for the week before I would probably do it.
I worry about how much worse it is going to get.
The rage has only grown. The boob thing has gotten worse. The headache has just occurred during the last few years. The spike in the back has grown in intensity.
Oh and the new sweats that come at night FUN SHIT THERE.
I know it is all precursors to getting menopause.. ohhhh doesn't that sound fun. I just can't wait for that either.
Hair growing out of places it isn't suppose to. Sweats that are so bad that you wake up in a wet bed. (at least mine right now are just a light coating over my entire body)Hot flashes, mood swings all month. OH JOY

hmmmm I guess I needed to bitch for a second lol

Monday, July 26, 2010

Scammers suck

So today I get a call to go on a interview tomorrow at 10:30. The lady tells me they are local 277 Union, have two positions open, one for a manager and one for union services. Both are full time. Great benefits. She told me she got my resume off of Then she gives me the address.
After doing a happy dance after hanging up I decide to do some research on the company so I can be prepared for the interview. I realize she never gave me the company name....
so I search for the address and find this.....

American Income Life's subsidiary company The Halali Ins. Group located at 4300 Stevens Creek Blvd. Ste. 100, San Jose, CA 95129 is posting on Craigslist jobs which they don't have!


On Craigslist under "customer service" they advertised to have 2 positions open. Which they claim to pay you $14 an hour. And the advertisement also says that they are looking for sales people as well, which is ok. But, it is not what it seems!

Here is the advertisement posted on July 06, 2009.
X - X - X - X - X - X -
Full Time Union Position with Full Benefits (san jose west)

Date: 2009-07-06,
Reply to: halaliinsgroupsanjose@...

The Halali Insurance group a subsidiary of American Income Life is currently looking to staff it's newly opened San Jose office. We are hiring in the following areas, customer service and sales representatives. We are in need of 4 customer service reps and 8 sales agents. Both positions are FULL-TIME ONLY!!!!!! and union.Please do not submit a resume if you are looking for part-time. You must be willing to work overtime as well as nights and weekends if needed until the office is fully staffed. Customer Service Reps. are paid $14.00 per hour plus full benefits including health, dental, vision, for yourself as well as your family, a 401k plan and stock purchase plan are also included. Sales Agents are paid $500 per week base, along with commission, advance, bonus, residual, as well as full benefits including health, dental, vision, coverages for yourself and family, a 401k plan and stock purchase plan are also included.

American Income Life was recently rated as the 33rd best company to work for by Yahoo and Hot Jobs and the number 1 insurance company to work for. Here is a link to the posting http://sev.prnewswire....

To give you some background American Income was founded more than half a century ago with just $25,000 in borrowed capital, and today, has become one of the nation's largest providers of supplemental insurance.

Our primary operation is in providing supplemental life insurance products to association, labor union, and credit union members. American Income is licensed in 49 states, New Zealand, and Canada -- and our subsidiary Company, National Income Life Insurance Company is licensed in New York. We are a strong company and have been rated by A.M. Best, one of the country's oldest and most respected insurance ratings company, A+ "Superior," its second highest rating, for overall financial strength.

We will be starting our interviews this coming Thrs. To be considered for a position please submit a resume along with a contact number and past salary history to halaliinsgroupsanjose@... if you are considered you will be called by one of our Human Resources Representatives to be set up for an interview this week.
Compensation: Sales Agents will be paid $500 per week base, commission, bonus, advance, residual, and full benefits.
Customer Service Reps. are paid $14.00 per hour plus full benefits.
X - X - X - X - X - X -

I applied for the customer service position. I just got back from their so called interview. I been told this is a "sales-customer service" position.
Since when is the definition of "CUSTOMER SERVICE" has become "SALES"? And not only that they don't even have a position open for that! They scheduled so many people to come in at the same time you have no idea. But it was very obvious, they are collecting information from applicants who are looking for a job and generating these as leads for the future in order to sell insurance to us and/or to spam our mailboxes.

I asked the guy his name was Ernesto, (even though I was scheduled to have an interview with a person called Jose, when I asked about that he said:" It doesn't matter if it is me or him. It's the same". Later of course I understood why!

You are tricking people to come by advertising a position they don't have. And without any fear from Law they are scheduling people for interview? Wasting peoples time and energy at their worst time.

They are breaking the law by FALSE ADVERTISING! Over and over again! The posting I have embedded is dated July 06, 2009. And then they post another one on July 20, 2009. I have that, too.

Well that put up some red flags for me but it WAS from 2009., so I start searching for Union 277 in California. Funny thing that... I can't find a union 277. In fact I went to the list of all unions in California and nothing. I tried every search known to mankind and nothing.
I tried a reverse search on the phone number and it came back from San Francisco. That was weird enough that I decide to call back and get the company name just for my own piece of mind.
The phone rings and rings and finally I get a voice mail. The company name is American Income.
I go back to the scam thing I found and it is the same name. I do a search for American Income and post after post talks about how this company (Which is a real company by the way) scams people. Yes they do offer some jobs but after reading about what happens when you take the jobs (nothing good) I decided I am not going to the interview tomorrow.

You know there is something about having your emotions get so excited only to have them slam you right back down into the ground that sucks. Really sucks. REALLLLLLLYYYYYY SUCKS.


Friday, July 23, 2010

I'm a bitch and I have money coming in


It is a big relief. Funny how it totally matches with me deciding to pound the pavement and find some kind of retail job.

Ok Damn it... this is my blog... .where all my warts and wrinkles hang out right? Where I can be honest with myself. Where I can be honest with the 3 readers I have.

Here is where I sound like a bitch.... or a snob I guess.

I am sorry in advance for my snobby views that I can't seem to cure but have a feeling I am about to....

When I was young I started out in fast food like almost everyone else. I was damn proud of that job. I felt like an adult.... Then time goes by and you realize working at the fast food place isn't for adults. It is for teenagers just starting out in the workforce or elderly people who want to work part time
(Can you see the snobby coming out yet?)
I decided to join a temporary agency and gain some skills. I was so damn green they had me doing everything from pounding bolts into concrete in an abandoned warehouse to working graveyard at IBM making sure the monster printers that printed out papers all night long didn't jam or run out of paper to dialing for surveys to filing. Once I got the filing down they had me do receptionist duties. It was there that I began to learn to type. That I began to teach myself systems like word and excel.
Those 8 hour shifts where I was expected to do nothing but smile and answer the phone I spent pushing every button to find out what they did.
Pretty soon I started getting admin jobs.
Each time I went up in the ladder I got a sense of pride. Of fulfilment. I was doing this. On my own. Learning what I needed. I was kicking some ass.
I worked my way up to office manager. Me.. a unschooled hillbilly. Me a self taught woman! I was proud. And I was making good money. There were plenty of other jobs in between. HR. Payroll. Assistant to the president of a company.
Then how it happened I have no idea. I ended up at a job as a estimator for a awning company. The work was fun. The pay was great. The boss was the biggest dick on the planet. He read my emails. Work or private. Around three years into the job I called him on it. He did everything in his power to make me quit. I refused to give him the satisfaction. He was going to fire me or I wasn't going.
I know I know but I have a stubborn streak too.
I got sick. I called in and talked to my supervisor. Not the boss. Three days I was sick. On the third day I got a letter telling me I was fired due to job abandonment. Let's just say I fought that with the labor board and won.
Then after a few more little jobs I got the estimator position at the paving company.
It was like coming home.
Day after day I learned more. After a year my salary was more then I ever could have imagined making. I was so proud. So happy to go to work. I felt like I had finally made it. That I was justified in all the hard work that I put into learning what I needed to know.
That me little old me was able to pick up a set of giant blueprints and tell you exactly what was on them. How big things were. That I could read a contract. A CONTRACT! And tell you what needed to be crossed out or what could stay.
I felt as though I scratched and bled and fought my ass off to get to this point. To this salary. I was honestly happy with myself. Proud of myself.
Then the economy tanked.
Then I got laid off.
Now it has been a year.....
A year where the resume that I have so carefully crafted hasn't worked. A year where all my skills that I fought so damn hard to get aren't enough. A year where my self esteem has fallen so damn far and so damn hard I am not sure how to get it back where it was.
And now I contemplate getting a retail job.
I don't know how to explain this to you except how it feels in my head.
I feel I am taking a giant leap backwards. I feel that everything I worked so hard for was for nothing. That I am an idiot for thinking that I could "make it".
I feel as though I am stepping down. That I have to start over again. That nothing I did mattered.That I fought to hard to get above my station. I mean after all really did I expect to do better then most people in my family. Did my pride get to big?
Will I get the job if offered one.. yes.
But I may never ever mentally be the same again.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

They passed it yesterday

I spent most of the day watching and waiting to see if they would pass the unemployment thing. They did. Finally. Now it needs to go to the senate and then the president. They expect it to be signed by Thursday.
Cross your fingers for me people. Having that cash would be helpful. VERY helpful.

But I have also decided something. After I get back from my "vacation" with Sazy at my grandmothers I am going to go find a retail job. Now I have not done retail since I was a teenager. But I figure any job is better then me sitting at home. I am so freaking tired of sitting at home. Hopefully it will be more then I get from unemployment but at this point for my sanity I need to get out of this house.

I was talking to my neighbor whose family has a temp agency. They posted a job for two days and got over one thousand resumes. ONE THOUSAND!!!
So my job finding still is not looking good. I don't even know if a retail type store would hire me. Or if they are even hiring for that matter.
I just know I need a damn job and looking every day and sending resume after resume is not getting me one.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Been missing haven't I

I kept meaning to post. I even sat here with this blank screen several times. I just couldn't seem to pull off the energy to post something... anything. So I didn't.
I have been following the unemployment debacle. It amazes me how much I have learned about our congress and the way it works. It is no wonder it doesn't work. UGH.
This weekend I went to my family reunion. It was a lot of fun. The pictures though... not so much LMAO. I need to diet. Badly. The whole sit on your ass looking for work, playing on the internet, etc is not working for my ass. But then I saw one picture of my family.

In order, my brother, my mother, me and my step father. It looks like we ALL need to diet lol. DRAT click on the pictures.. sigh
At least we got a bit of exercise *snort

It is fun catching up on the family gossip. It is one thing when the phone line burns up with the latest news but a whole different thing when you sit there and actually talk.
Here is a bit of the family gossip.
One of my nephews.... wait... let me explain something..
My family has a weird naming thing.
Anyone within two clicks of you is either Aunt, Uncle, Niece or Nephew
Anyone way distant is cousin.
Anyone we adopt into the family (Like Sazy) become cousins.

Some examples...

My Real life late uncle David had a daughter Amanda. Amanda had a baby named Justice. That would in reality make him my cousin. However I am Auntie Jody and he is Nephew Justice. Just like I am Aunt Jody to Amanda and her brother Roy.
My late Grandma Mema had a sister. She is Aunt Annie.
See obviously she couldn't be Aunt but two clicks away lol
My Uncle Bob has a daughter Morgan. I would call her my Niece and she would call me Aunt.

Now...if you are so far distant cousin that we can't even figure out how we are related or we have adopted you into the family. (this can be anyone at all, and we all tend to do it) you become cousin. Sazy has been to three family reunions now. I fully 100% expect at the next one she will be introduced to someone as our cousin Marcy.

Or as Sazy puts it...It seems like anyone older than you is uncle and aunt, about the same age is a cousin and anyone younger is niece and nephew.

Ok.. back to the gossip.

One of my nephews joined the circus. YES!! I actually have a family member who ran away and joined the circus. Unbelievable. I wish I could find out exactly which circus and what he is doing. I guess I need to burn up the phone line.

One of my nephews turned out to be gay and became a hairstylist. Now I knew the kid was gay a thousand years ago. He and I talked about his coming out to his parents in the future and how hard it was going to be for him. We had a long talk while walking through the rose gardens (around 3 years ago) where I told him that his sexuality did not make him different from any of the rest of us. And that anyone who thought it did wasn't worth his time. I remember telling him that I love him and would kick the ass of anyone who looked sideways at him. Turns out some of his family had a hard time dealing. I asked his mother if just because he was gay did that mean he suddenly turned into someone else? She looked at me funny but I think she may have gotten the point. He didn't come this year since he had to work but I look forward to seeing him next year and giving him a hug for his courage.

Well there is more but you get the picture. Family is strange and wonderful and fun and frustrating.

This Friday a new member of the honey's family will be born. So a hospital visit is in order which means I have/get to buy a cute baby girl dress. I am looking forward to meeting Haley. :)

Saturday morning the honey leaves for a overnight camping/fishing trip. He shortened it to one day but Saturday is going to be bliss. SWEET BEACH BLISS. Today he calls me up and tells me that his sister is going to come over Saturday to visit. Before I could tell him Ummmm NO ME TIME MINE MINE MINE NO SISTER NO NO NO!!!! the phone buzzed and he hung up. Trust me on this.. I WILL NOT be visiting with his sister on Saturday. I have plans. I have had plans. I am not changing them to visit with someone who had a giant fight with me because I didn't clean under a garbage can in the kitchen when the honeys mom was in the hospital a thousand years ago. He will be set straight as soon as he gets home. Period.

Well tomorrow they are suppose to vote on the unemployment thing. Keep your fingers crossed for me ok.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Oakland museum pictures

Last weekend Sazy and I went to the Oakland museum. I totally got a "are you crazy there was a riot there a few days ago" from the honey. But like normal I didn't listen and off we went lol.

I was so in love with the big head with the wolf on it. So very much in love. I would have put that damn thing right in my living room.

For some reason we can find a penis in the damndest places LMAO

We became the exhibit lol

Dancing in front of the hypnotic psycho show that you can't see.

Yes I made her do that sheesh.

Which of these do you consider art. Sazy and I completely disagreed when we normally agree on everything.

Sazy's poem came out clear... mine said......
Lightning intoxication
When innocents weep
Madness burns
Loneliness endless

Monday, July 12, 2010

Well it is official now

As of the check I got on Saturday I no longer have any money coming in at all. I am officially living off of the money I have in the bank. And let me tell you something there is not a whole hell of a lot of that in there.
Due to the death of a congress member from Virginia I have to wait even longer to see if they will pass the unemployment extension. Not that I really have any hope at all that it will even pass.
So what now?
I continue to look for a job just like I have for the past year. I don't buy a single thing that is not needed. I pay my bills that don't stop just because I don't have money coming in.
The honey has agreed to pay for a few of the bills. PG&E, cable. Some groceries. He is trying but he also doesn't seem to think I look hard enough for a job. I don't know how I could possibly look harder but he seems to think I can.
I try to let that roll off my back but it is hard to. Being unemployed makes you start to feel paranoid a bit. To feel scared and unsure. To feel like maybe you aren't doing enough.
One of the congress members stated that for every job opening there is 5 people who are unemployed. And I live in California where the unemployment rate is 6 points higher then her state.
There is nothing I can do to change where I am though. Well nothing I am not all ready trying to do.
Its funny how you go through stages. Hopeful. Depressed. Hopeful. Scared. Depressed.
I am following the news daily and hoping for the vote that will put me back into a ok place. This place I am at right now is not ok. It is so far from ok I don't even know how to explain it.
I read today that some people believe that unemployment is like welfare. That all the unemployed people are sitting home eating bon bons and just collecting checks. That is not reality.
I wanted to share a few comments on one of the sites I visit daily so you can see for yourselves.

Comment #1
Just like other transfer payments, long term UI benefits will just create a permanent underclass who are dependant on the government for their substinance in exchange for following often reduculous rules. As a result, individuals, families and communities are sucked dry of all motivation and wait for the government to provide for them at a subsistance level.

Comment #2
As I said before unemployment insurance is just another form of income redistrubtion, taking money away from our productive members of society (those that are employed) and giving it to our unproductive members of society (unemployed). Sure there are exceptions to the blanket statement I just made but on the large scale, unemployment insurance hurts our economy more than helps it. In a free labor market, valuable workers who are unemployed should be snatched up quickly by employers, or else they will lose an advantage of having that good employee to a competitor. If someone has made mistakes and has difficulty finding a job… why should all those that are responsible and productive have to bail them out? Rewarding mistakes/bad behavior is bad for the economy.

Comment #3
I think extending unemployment does encourage laziness and less motivation. People have become dependent on the government and they see themselves entitled to their unemployment..

With people who hold this mentality I don't see any votes coming soon. I am sure there are some people who are lazy but don't punish all of us who aren't over that.

Wow.. sort of went off on a tangent there. Sorry.

Anywhoooo.... tomorrow I will post pictures of our trip to the Oakland museum.

and... I forgot to add my post to that
I have been unemployed since July 2009. I was working as an estimator in the contruction field and laid off after 3 years from this job that I loved and was good at because I was the last one hired and the construction industry tanked. It was either lay me off or go out of business. So I understood.
In this last year I have applied to hundreds and hundreds of jobs. I have cold called. I have applied to anywhere from 3 to 10 jobs per day. I have tried temporary agencys. I ask at the grocery store, the 7-11, the gas station. Anywhere I happen to go I ask if they are hiring.
In this year I have had three interviews. I got one job for three weeks that I actually ended up working myself out of. They did not have enough to keep me busy.
I want to work. I cannot afford to live on unemployment. So you who commented that unemployment makes you not look for a job are dead wrong.
My benefits ran out as of Sunday. I was no where near the 99 weeks that some got.
I am terrifed of the future. How do you continue to pay the bills that come in with no money coming in. I guess am about to find out.
I would 100% rather have a job… any job… then get unemployment.
Extending the benefit would help me. Would keep me fed. Would keep me paying my bills. Would keep my head above the water. Would keep me from ending up homeless down the road. Would keep me from begging for money for necessities.
I am not a number I am a person.
I am not lazy. I am not NOT looking for a job.

Friday, July 9, 2010

Things to look forward to

I needed to remind myself that life is not all bad. I do have a few things planned that I am looking forward to.

This weekend I am going to a museum with my buddy Sazy. Tomorrow actually!!!! Look for pictures lol.

The 17th of this month is my yearly family reunion. It is fun seeing the whole family get together and play volley ball and eat and just plain old have fun.

July 23-26 The honey is gone. WOOT!!!!!!!! I plan on making this a beach weekend with Sazy. Maybe a bbq thrown in for the hell of it. It is so nice when he leaves sometimes lol.

August 8th my friend is getting married in Lake Tahoe. So I will be going up for the day to watch.

August 16th through August 20th I will be going to grandma's in Placerville with my buddy Sazy to watch the meteor shower, visit the lake, go through a mine, visit Coloma and see the gold rush museums. And generally just have a great time. (unless I get a job of course.)

August 21 I am going to a 60th birthday party for the honey's brother. Always a good time.

September 22 I am going to see Willie Nelson with my buddy Sazy. WOOT fan girl here I come lol.

December 6th I am going to go see Roger Waters do the entire Wall album live with the honey and Sazy. I am so freaking excited about this I could pee my pants lol.

So see.... things are going to happen that are fun. Life goes on regardless of how crappy it is at the moment.

And I wanted to share a job posting I came across today... think he wants a ready set of booty???
I am a young entreprenure looking for a personal assistant, I am tired of working 50-60hrs a week and still not caught up. I work in the Technology industry, I own a few businesses and I also work as a business consultant and project developer. This is an entry level position, not much expereience is required, I am sorry to all of the over qualified applicants, I am looking to find the right person to start at entry level pay around $10-$12hr for paid training (90days) then a few dollar raise . The position available would require scheduling, record keeping, time tracking, expense reports, AP/AR, other personal errands. Would be a great postion for a college student/intern as the schedule is very flexible. I do travel frequently so I would need additional help in San Jose when I am not here and from time to time I would request assistance as I travel, so some travel may be required. Please send a resume or bio that tells me who you are, what you are interested in, your goals and what you think you can do for me to give me back some of my time. A current picture would guarantee your reply gets my attention. Also, I am young and attractive, I do live a fun lifestyle, I am looking for someone independent, the reason I say this is I would be communicating with my assistant frequently and sometimes durring off hours as I manage projects durring night hours. I had an assistant a few years ago with a jealous boyfriend and I do not want to deal with that again. . .haha.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

I realized something today

Well a few things actually. One I have turned into gloom and doom girl which explains why no one comments anymore. (Besides a rare wonderful few)Of course if I actually commented on all the blogs I read daily I would probably get more in response but I just... I just don't have the energy :(
Two, today marks the one year anniversary of my uncle David's death. Which means I have had this blog for over a year now. I started this about 2 weeks before he died. Actually I think the day before I found out he had brain cancer.
I can't tell you how many times I have been in the backyard working on weeds or with the flowers when I hear a noise from his side of the fence. From the area he used to sit at every day. I can't tell you how many times I have walked towards his spot to yell something stupid over the fence. Or to tell him to shut the hell up (jokingly) only to remember he isn't there anymore. That he won't be ever again. And it hits me all over again. The sorrow. The anger. The loss. The sense of alone I get without him in my life.
He was a good man and he deserved to die with dignity. Cancer sucks.
Three, all I do is bitch bitch bitch. I bitch about my no job. I bitch about money. I have turned bitter and I hate it. Something has to give. I can feel myself stretching tighter and tighter. There is going to be a breaking point and I have no idea what the hell is going to happen.
So I need to cheer up. I need to mellow out. I need to calm down. To bad I just don't see it happening anytime soon.

AND I totally forgot to add the SYTYCD blurb which totally 100% doesn't go with this blog but I really don't give a flying fuck lol

Oh no Alex! Poor guy! He gave up a ton for this.

Kat - Very sparkly must be itchy dress. And why don't they comb her hair?

Lauren - Cha cha - Music totally didn't work. it was kind of boring for me. Hmmm the judges really liked it.

Jose - contemporary - soul mate dance - smoldering at the end. Very pretty. Wow he made me get all watery eyed when he did. The judges are correct he is all soul.

Kent - Hip Hop - He was pretty darn good in this. The routine was kind of slow though. He looks better and more comfy.

Adechike - Jazz - bar dance- her dress was so not sexy. In fact the whole thing wasn't as sexy as it could have been. I wasn't thrilled with it.

Billy - Thief dance - Something is not right with me today. I didn't like this one either. The music was good, the dance was good but blah.

Ashley - hip hop- ninja dance - Those pants are stupid. She did well. The whole ninja thing didn't work for me though.

Robert - jazz - Doll dance - Ouch she almost fell. I kind of hated that dance. People don't like him because he is an idiot and kind of fake.

Adechike - Bollywood - pretty high jumps in his genie outfit. GO KAT!! I loved that she asked why it was ok for Jose to do his own thing but Adechike got in trouble. The judges sure are hard on him. I don't think he was that bad. Mia was an ass saying she missed Alex.

Lauren and Kent - contemporary - young lovers dance - Ok that dance made me smile. Kent finally didn't have to act like a "man dog" in this one. The two of them matched well.

Ashley and Robert - quick step - They did really well. The dance looked good. They really need to stop calling it the kiss of death dance. I am sure that they all ready know that. Sheesh

Billy and Jose - african jazz - That was so interesting. it seemed to end to fast. Loved Billy's hair and he was damn creepy with his gumby sinew body. Jose was pretty good too. Not great but damn good.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

The dentist ate my bank account

Yup today was the day I had to go to the dentist. All $1,177 worth of crown is now in my mouth... well temporary crown anyway. The new one gets put in on the 21rst. That was a major hit to my pocketbook. Especially since I no longer have any money coming in. I seriously thought about postponing the appointment. But then I thought I better not. After all right now I didn't need a root canal. Could you imagine the cost had I needed that too! UGH.
So I went and yes I cried. No matter how hard I try to be a normal person once I am in the chair I kind of lose it a bit. There seems to be nothing I can do to stop it either. It is down right embarrassing.

So now at least that is done. Thank god.

So now I worry. I worry about having no cash coming in. I worry about my bills. My bank account. Groceries. Gas. UGH. There is no way not to worry. It makes me feel helpless. And stupid. And I know I am not stupid. I honestly cannot look any harder for a job then I am all ready. There is nothing more that I can do then what I am doing. Although after I found out my unemployment benefits would be cut off I did start to apply for part time work to. I figure I don't need my health care anymore. That will save me money. I would like to keep it but it is going to get to the point where it won't be worth it to me anymore. I will keep it for as long as I can but I won't allow myself to mourn when it is gone. After all it is my problem. I am fairly healthy after all.
I would really just like to get a job though. Is that really to much to ask?
I look at my bank account now and almost start to panic. What good does that do me? It is what it is right? UGH

I came back to add how SUPER EXCITED I am to have found a DAMN NAIL IN MY TIRE.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

My garden pictures plus SYTYCD plus Deadliest Catch

Well I had a monthly visitor come visit yesterday. I notice that a day or three before and during I just don't have the right attitude to post lol.
First is my review of So you think you can dance. Then garden pictures...

Kat - Loved the dress

Adechike - Hip hop - That was totally fun to watch. I enjoyed the whole partial strip thing. He finally had a real smile. It was nice.

Ashley - contemporary - This no backbone dance is pretty incredible. It was beautiful and very flowy.

Billy -SOLO - Those red pants have got to go. The man is bendy like gumby. His leg moves are stunning.

Robert - Jazz - Holy cow he looked incredibly sexy with his dark hair and guyliner. woooooo hoooo... and I don't even like the guy lol. That totally didn't look like jazz though.

Jose - SOLO - This isn't my favorite style but how fast can that kid spin on his head!

Melinda - Salsa - The whole foot stuck removal moment took me out of the dance and made me watch it with a critical eye. There was no chemistry at all. And she kept throwing out these funny fake smiles that turned me off.

Kent -SOLO - The kid is just pure joy isn't he.

Alex - SOLO- This guy is flat out incredible. Although... were there pampers in his pants?

Lauren - Broadway - It completely reminded me of old school actresses. I really enjoyed it even though the chemistry was wrong. HOLY COW wardrobe malfunction!! She was brave to continue dancing like that. Live.

Ashley - SOLO - Those leather tight underwear things she was wearing totally distracted me from watching her dance.

Billy - Contemporary - The kids legs are wonderful. I enjoyed the dance a lot. Funny... I didn't see a disconnect like the judges did.

Robert - SOLO - The solo was good. It looked smooth and fun.

Jose - Samba - A little bit stiff. No chemistry there. It looked like it was hard for him. He does smile cute though lol

Melinda - SOLO - Blick, didn't match the music. I am ready for her to go home now.

Kent - Jazz - The whole open mouth fish face is not good. The kid is not a man yet they keep casting him as some Casanova. It doesn't work for him. So it makes him look like he can't dance. And he can.

Adechike - SOLO - This guy has a beautiful chest and his solo was incredible.

Lauren - SOLO - The music made the solo boring.

Alex - Hip Hop - LOVED IT. High energy. Would never have known that wasn't his style. INCREDIBLE!! He totally nailed that.

I had a tree that we thought was dying. Turns out it hated the rocks that were around the base. So we removed them and it just screamed out "I need something" so I put these in.

This is the patio in my backyard. I have created a little cave like area surrounded by flowers that separates us off from the lawn. Like our own little oasis.

Along the new fence I put these.

That pink flower I looked for for the last two years. I forgot to get its name off the bucket it came in before it was tossed. Anyone know? And those blue flowers...never again. You water them and they go flat on the ground for a long time.

I just created these hanging baskets so they aren't full and flowy yet. The honey made me the stakes. He looked at me crazy when I said I didn't want them the same height. I think they look better this way. (Click picture)

This goes all the way down the back of the house. I spent almost two months getting rid of the weeds before putting the bark down. As you can see I got two of the flowers I had been looking for lol. That rose bush behind it.... it is over 20 years old and still flowers with beautiful purple flowers regardless of it's raggedy look. Our tomato plants are next to it.

Here is the side of the house I filled with rocks. I almost died doing this. We had put the rocks on the opposite side so I had to squat, lift, squat, put down... over and over and over again. For two days straight. Every piece of me was sore after that lol. The other side of that side yard is not complete. That is the next thing I am doing.

This is the next project after the other side yard. This is by the new fence we had put up. This has turned into a jungle. I need to remove all the plants. Dig out about 5 to 6 inches of dirt 3 feet wide all the way down so we can put in a cement walkway. UGH So not looking forward to that.

Deadliest Catch talk.....
Deadliest catch had me sitting there with tears running down my cheeks. I did pretty good until the other captains started finding out too. For some reason I really do like Keith and he really made me lose it.
The scene in the cabin with Josh making a decision was brutal. The scene between him and Freddy talking about him needing to take a trip to see his dad also made me cry. I am not sure why Freddy didn't go... or if he did.
The looks on each of the peoples faces was brutal. Deckhands and Captains alike. But I love the fact that they all worried about the boys. And these rough tough fisherman all took a moment to say I love you to each other.
And it was kind of Johnathan to go to the hospital postponing his vacation.
I am curious if they ever found Jake Anderson's father. Poor kid.