You know I am normally not such a wussy

Last night the honey was fast asleep as I watched Survivor. (Russell is KING) All the lights were out in the house and I just wasn't tired.
That is probably because I drank a pot of coffee at 5pm to get warm but anyway....
I decided what the heck I am going to watch some of my taped shows.

I have a ghost show fetish. I love them. Ghost hunters is my favorite. I watched Ghost hunters academy and still wasn't sleepy. So I decided to watch a new show I accidentally ran across and decided to tape.

Celebrity Ghost Stories. It is on the Biography channel.

I had taped about 3 of them and settled in with the sound down so I wouldn't wake up the honey. I expected fluff tv I think.
However....
There is something different watching someone tell a story about a haunting that happened in their lives. There is something different about looking into someones eyes as they get to the crucial moment of their story and seeing them turn inside themselves as they try to explain something that affected them so deeply. Something that turned a non believer into a believer.
The hair on my arms raised several times.
Oh there were a few stories where you just didn't feel it but the ones that did make you feel it were there.

I watched all three of them.

I don't think I realized how affected I was by the stories. I don't think I noticed how involved my brain had gotten. But I learned pretty damn quickly.

I needed to feed the cats before I turned off the tv and went to sleep. The cat food scoop was in the living room and the cat food is in the garage. By now it was late. A lot later then I normally feed the cats or go to sleep.
I started walking down the dark hallway towards the living room and that is when I noticed the feeling first.
It was kind of like the air was thicker. The hair raised on my arms and I actually got a jolt of fear.
I know! Stupid right?
I grabbed the scoop and walked calmly down the hall towards the garage even though my body was screaming "Get the hell out of here".
I walked into the black garage and man I have to tell you my heart was pumping. I scooped up the food and fast walked to feed the cats.
I got back into bed and I was actually sweating. My heart was pounding.
I thought this is stupid. Just close your eyes and go to bed. You just scared yourself.
So I closed my eyes.
CREAK!
My eyeballs flew open and I stared into the hallway wondering what in the hell that noise was. I think I was panting by now lol.
I forced myself to close my eyes again.
And YES..... I pulled the covers over my head.
I must have fell asleep.

This morning I feel like a wussy. Seriously I scared myself silly last night. Geez! It is almost embarrassing how frightened I made myself.

Irrational and rational fears

I decided to do another writer's workshop over at Mama Kat's.
The prompt was Scaredy Cat.

I have a few fears. A few that don't make any sense at all and a few that are normal to society. I don't choose to be a slave to these fears but man am I ever.

I am deathly afraid of heights. I am so afraid I can't even stand on a chair without my legs wobbling. I have frozen in place with my fingernails digging into the plaster and had to be removed from where I was. I honestly lost the ability to move.
I can fly in a plane without a problem, but give me a floor to ceiling window on a upper floor of a building and I burst into sweat within five feet of it.
There is this strange sensation that I get as I get close to a cliff. (height) It is like my body is going to throw me over. Not that I have any desire to get even near the damn thing but my body is a traitor! I don't know where that comes from but I sure wish it would go away.

As I have gotten older a fear has made itself known to me. One that I never had before. One that I have no idea where it came from. One that I realize is completely stupid and unreasonable but one that is there anyway.
If I go swimming in a lake with murky water I start getting the overwhelming fear that I am going to put my foot down on a decomposing body.
I KNOW! Ewwwwwwwwwww!
I have not seen a decomposing body in a lake. I have never watched someone be dragged from a lake. No body has ever been pulled from any lake I swim in that I am aware of. BUT as I get older that fear becomes more potent. I can feel my skin begin to crawl as soon as my toes hit the water. I can vividly imagine exactly what it will feel like and what my reaction would be.
I hate this fear.

Then there is the stupid fear. The one that makes you feel like an idiot. You know that turn off the light at the end of the hallway only to realize that the hallway is now pitch black and you have to walk through it. So instead of walking through it you actually run the length of it only at the end you slow your stupid self down so it looks like you walked down the hall. Even though in your head you know you sounded like a herd of elephants as you ran. This could happen anywhere. The garage, kitchen, hallway, bedroom. Random stupid fear.

Now this one takes a bit of explaining. I fear death. Not how am I going to die. Not what happens after I die. Not what comes before you die.
I fear that actual moment that your body gives out and you die. That moment your body gives up it's fight to live. That single moment between life and death.
I have seen this moment. I have held my grandmothers hand as she passed away. I have been in the vets office as I had a dying cat put to sleep. In both cases that moment... that single moment of death was horrifying. The struggle and the fight the body puts up to live and the soul puts up to go. Or the other way around.... is pure horror. Pure fucking hell. I fear that. I fear it a lot.

Hmmmm there are a lot more fears but I think I got a little ummm depressing here!!! Sorry!