I don't know what is up with me. I can't seem to get in the flow lately. I walk around telling myself that I need to blog yet when I sit at the computer I end up doing everything else but blog lol.
My dogs are funny eaters. They take a bite of food then walk around and later come back and take another bite. This means the bowl stays pretty full all day. However, I decided they needed a different flavor. (I do this once in a while) Only this time I bought IAMS in the red bag. I had never bought it before but I hoped they would like it. Well... they seem to like it to much. In fact I have taken to calling it doggie crack. I fill the bowl and within 20 minutes the bowl is empty. They freaking LOVE it. Part of me is happy they like it so much while the other part of me is wondering if them liking it to much is a problem.
Somehow within the last week I have tweaked my shoulder. Tweaked it to the point I have a problem lifting anything with that arm. Thankfully it is my non dominant arm but still. It freaking hurts. I have no idea what I did to it but I sure wish it would go back to normal.
I need to make a appointment to get my boobs squished. I am completely procrastinating. I also need to make an appointment to find out why one of my ears is still hearing that damn wooshing heartbeat sound. It hasn't been the same since I had that double ear infection. And I still can't hear right. To the point the honey tells me I am talking to loud.
Within the last few weeks I have had some crazy dreams.
Dream #1
A friend of mine owned a huge HUGE house that was falling apart. She had inherited it. It was so crooked that if you put a ball on the floor it instantly went to the one side of the house. It was hard to walk through it. She considered it a lost cause (it was) so a group of us were all going through it to see what we could salvage. There were at least a hundred rooms with strange themes. One was a black and white checkerboard with about 30 pillars and black and white dice the size of watermelons. Others were plain with just a mattress on the floor. There were statues and normal stuff in all kinds of room. My friend was just going to let it fall down since it was mostly bank owned and way to damaged to fix.
We all gathered in a room to determine the best way to remove stuff without dying. From another room came a moan and there was suddenly a...... um.... man thing with some kind of cloak and bare chest standing in a hallway. It was not friendly. Some of my friends said it was a ghost so I went over and reached through the doorway to see and it grabbed me.
That is when I woke up.
Dream #2
First I had a baby.. well not had it.. but I had one with me. I needed diapers so someones uncle said they would take me while someone else watched the baby. However 5 minutes into the drive I realized he was drunk off his ass. He slammed us through a plate glass store front going pretty damn fast. I remember looking at him while I was covered in blood, he laughed and put the car in reverse to leave.
(dream switched)
The honey and I and another woman got in a huge fight in San Francisco. I got out of the truck to yell and He and the woman left me there. With bare feet and no purse. During some kind of city wide rave thing. Blinking lights everywhere.
I wandered around trying to find a phone so I could call Sazy to come get me. I finally was able to borrow a cell phone from a guy only to realize I had no idea what sazy's phone number was without my phone. I remembered my uncles phone number and it took almost 20 minutes of crying and yelling for him to believe me and say he would come get me. I thanked the cell phone guy... walked outside and as I stood there alone waiting for my uncle I ended up about as tall as the mothra girls.
That is when I woke up.
I have no idea what is going on with these dreams.
This job hunting SUCKS. And the media is not helping my piece of mind at all. Yesterday I read a article on how after 6 months your chances of landing a job drop by 48%. Ummm.... I am almost at a year here. This extension runs out in two checks. I am hopeful that I will get another extension but I would much much much rather get another job. I am beginning to grow moss. I am beginning to feel useless too.
A friend of mine is getting married in Lake Tahoe in August. I love Tahoe so going is not a problem. The problem is it is on a Sunday at 4pm. Tahoe is a four and half hour drive from my house. So if the honey is going to go he either needs to take Monday off or we need to drive home in the dark for 4 1/2 hours. Something I know he will not want to do.
The other day I purchased some books for my kindle. I started reading one of the books and realized I had pretty much purchased a soft core male on male porn novel. But can I tell you something? That book was FREAKING HOT as hell. It was so good that I bought a second one with the same type of story from the same author.
*fans self. Whoooo weeeee that book was smoking.
Ok. It is garbage day again. (everyone don't get so excited now) So I am off to the store to buy kitty litter and the makings of dinner. Then it is doggie bath time, laundry time, garbage removal time, and blah blah blah lol
Showing posts with label tiny bites. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tiny bites. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Tiny/big Bites to get caught up
It has been a few days since I took grandma home. I have to admit that I kind of miss her. We played cards every night. We went places during the day. We watched tv together. We laughed and just had a great time. Now it is back to normal. Me sitting home during the day alone. I am a bit lonely for my grandma lol.
My cat is driving me insane. within the last two weeks she has discovered her "big" voice. A incredibly loud and annoying meow that pretty much echoes off the walls. She walks around the house meowing at nothing. She stands in the kitchen meowing. She stands in the hall way meowing. In the bathroom, in the computer room, in the cats room, in the living room. Pretty much constantly. The most annoying thing is the 2am, 3am, 2:30 am, etc time when she stands in the doorway of our bedroom and meows... over and over again.
I have no idea how to get her to stop it and the honey is getting pretty damn angry. To be honest I don't blame him it is VERY LOUD.
She has water. She has food. She is a happy cat. I think that she found this new voice and it made her all excited. I honestly wish she would shut the hell up though. All day long she meows. All night long she meows. The only time she doesn't meow is if I pick her up.
Ummm I cannot hold a cat all day long and seriously I can't sleep with the cat wrapped around my face which is the only place she likes to lay with me in the bed lately.
I am beginning to get frustrated and sad again regarding my job search. It is kind of funny how it goes in phases. Hope, frustration, sadness, hope.... I am running out of unemployment again also. I have exactly 4 more checks. I have no idea if I get a second extension or not. But I am beginning to feel like a damn mootch.
Every day I look for a job. Every day I send out resumes. Every day Every day EVERY DAY. In July I will have been out of work for a year. A FUCKING YEAR! Well... minus the three weeks I worked for the stupid company that laid me off.
I am beginning to feel pretty scared and helpless here. All I want is a job. I just want to wake up and go to work. But I guess I am exactly like the thousands and thousands of other people in California.
I keep reading about other people who have been out of work for a year or more and my palms start to sweat.
I have this gut feeling that people are either looking at me in pity or thinking I am just slacking off not looking for a job. Neither feeling is good. And the little comments "you gotta apply to be able to get a job" while maybe not mean spirited really do kick me in the teeth. I am applying. That comment which has been made by more then one person shows me that they think I am sitting on my ass doing nothing. I wish I could show them how many jobs I have applied for.
I no longer get hopeful as I send out my resume. I used to in the beginning. You know that "oh this sounds like a job I would really enjoy!" I don't have that anymore. Instead it is just another resume sent out into la la land.
I can't make someone give me a job no matter how much I want to. But God I seriously need a job. It is beginning to depress me. I am beginning to get incredibly embarrassed about not having a job.
My Sharks hockey team made it through yet another set! WOO HOO!!! Now we just have to beat the Chicago Blackhawks. We lost game one but it is best of seven so I have hope.
I got my tickets to the Wall tour. WOOT!!! The show is in December so I have a long wait. The show was sold out in less then 20 minutes so I feel incredibly lucky to have gotten the tickets.
My house is a mess. With Grandma, a three year old birthday party and everything else that has gone on cleaning hasn't been a top priority. I am going to fix that today... I hope lol
We had a new fence installed between us and the yelling idiot neighbors. The fence has been falling down for years. In fact it had gotten so bad that sitting in the backyard you could see the neighbors. I could no longer open my side window blinds because slats had fallen out and I would look directly into their window and them into ours. We had to block off that section of the yard to the dogs or they would have escaped.
They came into some money due to the death of his sister so they finally agreed to split the cost of the fence. Something we had asked them for years to do. We jumped on the chance and now we have a nice solid fence with no need to look at the neighbors anymore. It is so nice.
I have a few posts planned. In fact I wrote them on a notepad by the computer so I wouldn't forget. I must have about 8 different notepads. I am a list maker lol.
Off to clean the house. And read some posts from you all in between.
My cat is driving me insane. within the last two weeks she has discovered her "big" voice. A incredibly loud and annoying meow that pretty much echoes off the walls. She walks around the house meowing at nothing. She stands in the kitchen meowing. She stands in the hall way meowing. In the bathroom, in the computer room, in the cats room, in the living room. Pretty much constantly. The most annoying thing is the 2am, 3am, 2:30 am, etc time when she stands in the doorway of our bedroom and meows... over and over again.
I have no idea how to get her to stop it and the honey is getting pretty damn angry. To be honest I don't blame him it is VERY LOUD.
She has water. She has food. She is a happy cat. I think that she found this new voice and it made her all excited. I honestly wish she would shut the hell up though. All day long she meows. All night long she meows. The only time she doesn't meow is if I pick her up.
Ummm I cannot hold a cat all day long and seriously I can't sleep with the cat wrapped around my face which is the only place she likes to lay with me in the bed lately.
I am beginning to get frustrated and sad again regarding my job search. It is kind of funny how it goes in phases. Hope, frustration, sadness, hope.... I am running out of unemployment again also. I have exactly 4 more checks. I have no idea if I get a second extension or not. But I am beginning to feel like a damn mootch.
Every day I look for a job. Every day I send out resumes. Every day Every day EVERY DAY. In July I will have been out of work for a year. A FUCKING YEAR! Well... minus the three weeks I worked for the stupid company that laid me off.
I am beginning to feel pretty scared and helpless here. All I want is a job. I just want to wake up and go to work. But I guess I am exactly like the thousands and thousands of other people in California.
I keep reading about other people who have been out of work for a year or more and my palms start to sweat.
I have this gut feeling that people are either looking at me in pity or thinking I am just slacking off not looking for a job. Neither feeling is good. And the little comments "you gotta apply to be able to get a job" while maybe not mean spirited really do kick me in the teeth. I am applying. That comment which has been made by more then one person shows me that they think I am sitting on my ass doing nothing. I wish I could show them how many jobs I have applied for.
I no longer get hopeful as I send out my resume. I used to in the beginning. You know that "oh this sounds like a job I would really enjoy!" I don't have that anymore. Instead it is just another resume sent out into la la land.
I can't make someone give me a job no matter how much I want to. But God I seriously need a job. It is beginning to depress me. I am beginning to get incredibly embarrassed about not having a job.
My Sharks hockey team made it through yet another set! WOO HOO!!! Now we just have to beat the Chicago Blackhawks. We lost game one but it is best of seven so I have hope.
I got my tickets to the Wall tour. WOOT!!! The show is in December so I have a long wait. The show was sold out in less then 20 minutes so I feel incredibly lucky to have gotten the tickets.
My house is a mess. With Grandma, a three year old birthday party and everything else that has gone on cleaning hasn't been a top priority. I am going to fix that today... I hope lol
We had a new fence installed between us and the yelling idiot neighbors. The fence has been falling down for years. In fact it had gotten so bad that sitting in the backyard you could see the neighbors. I could no longer open my side window blinds because slats had fallen out and I would look directly into their window and them into ours. We had to block off that section of the yard to the dogs or they would have escaped.
They came into some money due to the death of his sister so they finally agreed to split the cost of the fence. Something we had asked them for years to do. We jumped on the chance and now we have a nice solid fence with no need to look at the neighbors anymore. It is so nice.
I have a few posts planned. In fact I wrote them on a notepad by the computer so I wouldn't forget. I must have about 8 different notepads. I am a list maker lol.
Off to clean the house. And read some posts from you all in between.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Trend in not posting......more tiny bites.
I have noticed a trend. PMS = not posting. Why I have no idea but there it is.
Yesterday was my 20 year anniversary of dating the honey. TWENTY YEARS PEOPLE!!! I am not sure if I should be proud as hell or embarrassed LOL. I spent it watching the Sharks play playoff hockey on tv and was happy.
WOO FREAKING HOO to playoff hockey. It is so exciting to watch. We are up 3 games to 2 with the next game on Saturday. The Sharks seem to have bad luck in the playoffs so I am hoping this year it is different. We are due to win that stupid Stanley cup dang it!!!
Lost... Lost only has a few more episodes. I have no freaking idea how in the hell they are going to tie everything up. I have no idea what the hell is happening. But this is my favorite show. I am looking forward to the end while at the same time dreading it coming to an end.
A bloggy friend of mine Kevin posted some questions the other day. Hard ass questions that made me actually sit back and think. Evaluate who I am.
Here are his questions....
What gets you out of bed in the morning? (Not your alarm, but your motivation.)
What do you believe is your purpose in life? What is your reason for living?
What do you live for? What keeps you going?
I KNOW! Hard right?
Here were my answers....
These questions are hard. I thought about them all night.
What gets you out of bed in the morning? (Not your alarm, but your motivation.)
Do I have a motivation? No. I get up because I have to. I get up because I am awake. I have nothing that makes me bound from my bed in happiness or joy or fear or desire. I get up because that is what we do.
What do you believe is your purpose in life? What is your reason for living?
You know these questions make me feel like I have nothing going for me.
What is my purpose in life? I think if I boil it all down the only thing I can think of is to take care of my grandmother. To make sure she lives a happy and long life.
What is my reason for living? Hell, I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like a waste of space. That I will be one of those people when gone no one misses. I have no children. I live because I have a heartbeat.
Wow don’t I sound like a cheerful person. But I am cheerful most of the time.
What do you live for? I live because I am alive. I live for the hopes of a happy life. Of being satisfied with who and what I am in the long run.
What keeps you going? Hope. Hope that I am doing this life right. Hope that happy is all I need to be. Hope that someday, some where I might do something that means something.
You know Kevin these are hard questions. They make you look deep inside and wonder if you are good enough. I think that is a fear we all have. That we are not good enough. Beautiful enough. Smart enough. That we are wasting this life we are given. That we aren’t owning up to our potential. That we are settling instead of doing. That nothing we do really matters in the long run.
I am curious for others answers too
Now reading my answers make me sound like some kind of gloom and doom girl right? Those of you who read this blog know I am not gloom and doom all the time. I mean we all have our moments of course but still.
I have spent the last few days thinking and thinking about my answers. Not one of them changed.
I began to wonder do I really need to have a purpose to be happy? Do I really need something to motivate me to get out of bed? Can't I just be thankful that I lived through the night to wake up the next day? Can't I just live this life without labeling it as a certain kind of life?
I may not be a super savior of people or animals or bugs. I may not be the perky perfect woman. I may not be who everyone thinks they want me to be. I may not be happy 24/7. I may cuss like a sailor. I may not be who I believe I should be due to the expectations put onto me by society. But damn it I am human and I am ME.
I will not change who I am to fit into what others think I should be. I will not censor myself because other people do. I will not pretend to be someone or something I am not even if others look down on me. I will be happy with who I am and what I have.
Yes it would be nice to have more.. money.. looks...weight loss.. brains..blah freaking BLAH.
But I was given this one life and I will damn well live it the way I want to.
*flips the middle finger at all of those who judge me on what society says I should be like instead of the soul inside of me.
OK.... wow... ummm went off on a tangent there didn't I.
AHEM!
Yesterday was my 20 year anniversary of dating the honey. TWENTY YEARS PEOPLE!!! I am not sure if I should be proud as hell or embarrassed LOL. I spent it watching the Sharks play playoff hockey on tv and was happy.
WOO FREAKING HOO to playoff hockey. It is so exciting to watch. We are up 3 games to 2 with the next game on Saturday. The Sharks seem to have bad luck in the playoffs so I am hoping this year it is different. We are due to win that stupid Stanley cup dang it!!!
Lost... Lost only has a few more episodes. I have no freaking idea how in the hell they are going to tie everything up. I have no idea what the hell is happening. But this is my favorite show. I am looking forward to the end while at the same time dreading it coming to an end.
A bloggy friend of mine Kevin posted some questions the other day. Hard ass questions that made me actually sit back and think. Evaluate who I am.
Here are his questions....
What gets you out of bed in the morning? (Not your alarm, but your motivation.)
What do you believe is your purpose in life? What is your reason for living?
What do you live for? What keeps you going?
I KNOW! Hard right?
Here were my answers....
These questions are hard. I thought about them all night.
What gets you out of bed in the morning? (Not your alarm, but your motivation.)
Do I have a motivation? No. I get up because I have to. I get up because I am awake. I have nothing that makes me bound from my bed in happiness or joy or fear or desire. I get up because that is what we do.
What do you believe is your purpose in life? What is your reason for living?
You know these questions make me feel like I have nothing going for me.
What is my purpose in life? I think if I boil it all down the only thing I can think of is to take care of my grandmother. To make sure she lives a happy and long life.
What is my reason for living? Hell, I don’t know. Sometimes I feel like a waste of space. That I will be one of those people when gone no one misses. I have no children. I live because I have a heartbeat.
Wow don’t I sound like a cheerful person. But I am cheerful most of the time.
What do you live for? I live because I am alive. I live for the hopes of a happy life. Of being satisfied with who and what I am in the long run.
What keeps you going? Hope. Hope that I am doing this life right. Hope that happy is all I need to be. Hope that someday, some where I might do something that means something.
You know Kevin these are hard questions. They make you look deep inside and wonder if you are good enough. I think that is a fear we all have. That we are not good enough. Beautiful enough. Smart enough. That we are wasting this life we are given. That we aren’t owning up to our potential. That we are settling instead of doing. That nothing we do really matters in the long run.
I am curious for others answers too
Now reading my answers make me sound like some kind of gloom and doom girl right? Those of you who read this blog know I am not gloom and doom all the time. I mean we all have our moments of course but still.
I have spent the last few days thinking and thinking about my answers. Not one of them changed.
I began to wonder do I really need to have a purpose to be happy? Do I really need something to motivate me to get out of bed? Can't I just be thankful that I lived through the night to wake up the next day? Can't I just live this life without labeling it as a certain kind of life?
I may not be a super savior of people or animals or bugs. I may not be the perky perfect woman. I may not be who everyone thinks they want me to be. I may not be happy 24/7. I may cuss like a sailor. I may not be who I believe I should be due to the expectations put onto me by society. But damn it I am human and I am ME.
I will not change who I am to fit into what others think I should be. I will not censor myself because other people do. I will not pretend to be someone or something I am not even if others look down on me. I will be happy with who I am and what I have.
Yes it would be nice to have more.. money.. looks...weight loss.. brains..blah freaking BLAH.
But I was given this one life and I will damn well live it the way I want to.
*flips the middle finger at all of those who judge me on what society says I should be like instead of the soul inside of me.
OK.... wow... ummm went off on a tangent there didn't I.
AHEM!
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