You know hunting for a job sucks. Really it does. First you have to fix your resume. Boil your working life down into a few pages is actually hard. Then add the fact that you seem to have bad luck with jobs that only last about three years and it gets down right hard.
Once that resume is done you need to start looking.
I worked in construction. Our economy sucks. That means there pretty much are no jobs for which I am qualified for in construction. Oh sure I have many other skills but I want to continue that line of work. So do you give up on that and go back to a general office job even though you don't really want to?
There is a feeling you get as you search too. That feeling of not being good enough. Not having the proper skills. The unwanted feeling. The depression of finding "no jobs found" over and over again.
It is hard not to give up. It is hard not to decide it is too hard. It is very hard to stay upbeat and not let yourself wallow in self pity.
You feel trapped by your house. Trapped by your unemployment. Trapped by the feeling that your actual unemployment money may run out and then what?
See before this last job I was unemployed for eight months. I ran out of unemployment. I started using credit cards to pay for everything. I borrowed money from my grandmother to pay for things. I got over ten grand in the hole due to interest. During this last three years of working I actually paid 90% of that off. I was so proud of myself. I was almost 100% debt free. Now here I am unemployed again. I don't want to go into debt again. I want to pay off that last 10%. I want a damn job.
But I am scared to death that I am not going to get one.
Do you settle for less just because you are afraid? Do you apply for jobs you don't want because they seem to be the only ones there?
All I know is I am nervous about my future. I am afraid. I get depressed looking for the job that isn't there. I can't explain the sense of humiliation I feel job hunting. The sense of being unworthy. The flat out fear.