Tomorrow...

Tomorrow I drive up to Placerville and pick up my grandma. I have no idea how long she is going to stay with me but I am glad she is coming!
I am incredibly blessed to be able to have this time to spend with her. I guess I lucked out that she had her children young and my mother had hers very young.
(I figured I better be nice and calm today since yesterday I had a rant LMAO)

Ahem...
I think we will probably head over to Santa Cruz beach to look around and I know we will go to the cemetery. Other then that I have no plans. I still need to look for a job while she is here. And can I just tell you right now I am so discouraged. I am at that place again where you feel like you are sending your resume out into la la land and no one is looking at them. I have almost been off work a year here. Ok July will make a year but still! I am so freaking frustrated.
Oops... getting ranty... shhhhhh

AHEM.....
I spent today cleaning up her room and washing her bedding. I also went to costco and bought a few things we needed and grandma wanted me to bring up catfood and dog bisquits so I got those too.
We will be coming back on Sunday.

Roger Water tickets go on sale in two weeks. WOOT!!! I cannot wait to see the wall tour. I am so excited about it.


AND
My Sharks are doing pretty good in the playoffs so far. They won the first series and have won game one of the second series. Nothing is as exciting as playoff hockey lol.

And I must admit... I do love me some Goalie lol
The next game in the series is on Sunday so I get to watch it with Grandma... I wonder how she will like it LMAO!!!

Talk to you all later :)

You know I love Hockey

I do! There is something so exciting about walking into an arena that is bursting with energy. There is a natural high that you get. I went last Saturday and got a surprising offer to go again tonight. I can't wait. I feel lucky that my city has it's own hockey team.

The honey has decided that we are both on diets. I am not sure when it became his choice as to when I should lose weight. But he does need to lose a bit so I will go along with it for a while I suppose. But I am not calling it a diet. Blick.

I sent out a few resumes today and yesterday I actually got my first response back from someone. It was this position has been filled but still it made me feel like hey people are actually getting my resumes. lol.

I have things to do but I hadn't blogged yesterday and wanted to at least blog a bit today so here it is. I look forward to sitting and writing tomorrow. But now I have to get ready for a hockey game. WHOOO HOOO

What is my issue with money?

Seriously what the hell is my problem. When I get a paycheck a week I have extra money but if I get a paycheck every two weeks I am dead broke almost 5 days before payday.
Let me give you an example.
At my last job lets pretend I was paid $100 weekly. By the time the next payday came around I could have anywhere from $20 to $40 left over out of that hundred. And I pretty much spent willy nilly.
BUT
Unemployment is every two weeks.
So now lets pretend I get $200 for two weeks. Which is the same as I was getting weekly (not really unemployment is less but anyway but this is pretend anyway lol...)
So because I know I have to be incredibly careful with my money I am. Except almost a full week before I get "paid" again I am out of money. Now I know I haven't bought anything extra. I haven't gone on some kind of spending spree. I am doing the same thing as I was doing when I got paid weekly only I am bargain shopping now.
So what in the hell is happening to my money? What am I doing wrong? There is something seriously wrong here. It scares me to run out of cash. I don't want to touch the emergency fund which by the way is a really really really sucky emergency fund. But a week or a few days before "payday" I am broke.
I don't understand this at all.

On the job hunt front I had that phone interview last Friday. I haven't heard back from them. I am not worried about it though since they called me for my interview almost 3 weeks after I applied. Besides I don't want it. I am sending don't call me vibes towards the phone.
But if they do call... and I do go to a interview.. and they want to hire me. I will take the job. In the past week I have read nothing but horror stories regarding the job market in the Bay Area. People who have been out of work for almost a year. People who sent out 2000 resumes and have gotten 20 interviews. It is scary out there and having a job is better then not having a job. So yes... I would take the job even if I think it pays to little.

I am hoping I don't have to make the choice. Although from what I just typed I guess I did all ready make that choice.

Nothing like a job hunt to make you feel....

You know hunting for a job sucks. Really it does. First you have to fix your resume. Boil your working life down into a few pages is actually hard. Then add the fact that you seem to have bad luck with jobs that only last about three years and it gets down right hard.
Once that resume is done you need to start looking.
I worked in construction. Our economy sucks. That means there pretty much are no jobs for which I am qualified for in construction. Oh sure I have many other skills but I want to continue that line of work. So do you give up on that and go back to a general office job even though you don't really want to?
There is a feeling you get as you search too. That feeling of not being good enough. Not having the proper skills. The unwanted feeling. The depression of finding "no jobs found" over and over again.
It is hard not to give up. It is hard not to decide it is too hard. It is very hard to stay upbeat and not let yourself wallow in self pity.
You feel trapped by your house. Trapped by your unemployment. Trapped by the feeling that your actual unemployment money may run out and then what?
See before this last job I was unemployed for eight months. I ran out of unemployment. I started using credit cards to pay for everything. I borrowed money from my grandmother to pay for things. I got over ten grand in the hole due to interest. During this last three years of working I actually paid 90% of that off. I was so proud of myself. I was almost 100% debt free. Now here I am unemployed again. I don't want to go into debt again. I want to pay off that last 10%. I want a damn job.
But I am scared to death that I am not going to get one.
Do you settle for less just because you are afraid? Do you apply for jobs you don't want because they seem to be the only ones there?
All I know is I am nervous about my future. I am afraid. I get depressed looking for the job that isn't there. I can't explain the sense of humiliation I feel job hunting. The sense of being unworthy. The flat out fear.
Sigh...