Monday, January 25, 2010

Getting older sucks

I thought about posting this and then thought about not posting this but decided what the hell. So this post just may have a little to much girly information for some but it is my blog.

I remember sitting down with my grandmother one night bitching about the Italian hair I have on my legs. That super strength, black, ruins a razor in one use hair. The hair below my knee is bad enough but the hair above my knee UGH. She stopped me cold with a comment though. She said and I quote...."Don't worry as you get older all the hair down there is going to fall out"
Ummm what?
She proceeded to tell me that when I am older I am going to be bald as a babies ass.
Well isn't that something to look forward to? Not.
Why couldn't the hair on my legs fall out instead? I would be perfectly happy with baby ass smooth legs.

There are a few other issues I have with getting older too. Like the whole droopy point to the floor bullshit. Droop all you want girls but would you mind still pointing at least straight? Seriously by the time I am 60 my damn nipples are going to be dragging the ground getting road burn sheesh.

*told you this was a too much info post....

I don't mind the wrinkles. I earned every line. Although I with that they would stay away at least another 10 years or so.

But the thing that bothers me the most about getting older is the way my periods and pms are changing.
I have always had a mild form of pms. Nothing horrible. Just a bit irritable. But as I get older... oh man as I get older this pms shit is growing bold and bad.
I am turning into one mean fucking bitch let me tell you.
For example the other day I am at the grocery store. Now I love the grocery store for some reason. I could spend two hours in the walking slowly up and down the aisles looking at all the stuff. But... the other day I am in the grocery store and I walk up to the soup. I am standing there looking for some new can of soup to try and a woman walks up next to me to look at the soup too. Normally this is fine. I mean other people shop too right?
However within one minute my shoulders were tight. She was in my personal space. Which by the way had grown from that normal foot around you to probably five feet around me. Within another minute my jaw was clenched and my eyes were beginning to squint. All I could think in my head was BACK OFF BITCH. I honestly hated that damn woman. For no reason at all.
Then the man walked up to my other side to look at the soup.
It was like some kind of mental bomb went off. I was literally cussing in my head.
"what the fuck! How the fuck many people need god damn soup!" to just put down the nicer ones. At that point I grabbed my cart and left. ANGRY. With no soup.
Now at this point every person in the store became the enemy.
I have no idea how many people were burned by my eyes.
I was a completely different person then I normally am. Over soup!

That is one example of how my pms is beginning to take over my personality. And I can't stop it. And it just appears out of the blue. Up until that point I had been humming under my breath and very happy.

There are other changes as well. The whole sweating bull crap. I know it has to be perimenopause but still. Going to bed the few days before my period starts can be icky. Not each time but some times. I wake up hot as hell and sweat coated. OH JOY!

The whole OMG If you touch my boobs even with a envelope on accident they may explode stuff isn't fun either.

Then the actual starting. UGH. I know it signals the end of the drama, sweating and boob pain but....It means the other kind of pain. I have always had bad cramps. Sometimes to the point of not getting out of bed. But... as I get older. OMG as I get older they have turned into death cramps. Something that as I walk down the hallway can bend me over in pain. Something that feels like someone has their arm up there and has a handfull and is pulling down. I have wished more then once that I could reach up there and rip out my uterus.
Add to that the increase in flow...... UGH. The whole in 20 minutes after changing things I have to be careful when I stand up or it is on my feet shit sucks.
I know I know TMI lol

You know... I might embrace all this crap if I could actually have children. Instead I get all the bullshit and none of the good stuff. It pisses me off.

*wonders how many people she scared away today....


  1. *laugh* I'm sorry... but you are hecka funny!!

    Being a WOMAN is hard enough. All that additional stuff doesn't help. I don't know how old you are, but I am 38 years old and I am already perimenopausal. My mood swings are fierce, I sweat, more tired, the hair growing on my face thing, the flow, etc etc etc is just awful. Horrible. I hear ya!!!

  2. I'm officially terrified of aging. Absolutely terrified. Like, put me to sleep at age 35 terrified. Thank you.

    LoL. I'm sorry you have such horrible cramps. I have sex when I am cramping. For some reason it makes it all go away.

  3. Thank you so much Jody for posting this....I thought it was just me! When I was on the meds I didn't notice; but now that I'm off them? Oh my hell! Look out world!

  4. This is SO funny! I feel you. i have the personal space thing too. there are many times I have walked out of the store without what I need because everyone in there is a total bitch!

  5. One word: Prozac. Here's another word: Vodka.
    Stir well over ice and reeelaxxxx. Your blog is true to life & tells it like it is so I signed up to follow you. Stop by my place and return the favor if you like what you see.

  6. Fascinating.
    For a second (in front of the soup,) you sounded like you had quit smoking.