Saturday I went to the annual Christmas party the honey's family holds. While there things got a little strange in the middle of all the fun I was having.
So the honey's brother and his long term girlfriend Diane (almost as long as me and the honey) show up at the Christmas party from Nevada with her daughter and her husband. I am talking to Diane after the hugging and helloing and she holds out her hand and says look at what Tom bought me. There is a sparkly on her hand. An antique type ring. I said wow that is pretty. She goes on to tell me that they were in a antique store and he bought it for her and asked her to marry him.
Now I went into shock because Tom is a hard core bachelor. He was burned hard when he was young and married and it led to a divorce. Ever since then he has been a never in this lifetime am I going to be married type of guy. (he is now in his 60's) So it was a big surprise. I hug her and she goes off to show the rest of the family the ring and tell them they are engaged. I was seriously blown away. So in fact was everyone in the entire family.
About 2 glasses of wine later (for me) I run into her daughter who must be on her 10th beer lol. She grabs me by the arm and drags me into the other room and says you know that whole story is not real right? I look at her and say what story. She says the engagement story. I pretty much say WTF are you talking about. She tells me that Diane is worried that because she has never seen Toms will that the house that they paid for and all the other stuff will go to someone else besides her. Even though Tom has told her repeatedly that she is his sole beneficiary. So in order to firm up in her mind that the family won't try to step in and take what is hers she came up with this idea of an engagement.
Now I am really sitting there with my mind blown. I am thinking WTF. How did she even get Tom to go along with this? Did Tom even know she was going to do this? How could she not be honest with me when I am pretty much the only one in the family who really is close to her? I mean hell I have spent many days and nights with her.
The daughter then makes me promise not to say anything to anyone. Then Diane walks over after my next 1/2 glass of wine and says Melissa told me she told you. I just looked at her because I didn't know what to say. She then proceeds to tell me not to tell anyone anything at all at which point we are interrupted by a group of people and I hadn't said one word to her about it. Honestly I had no idea what to say. I mean that is a big ummm ruse to pull over on an entire family at a Christmas party.
A couple of hours go by and I am sitting on the floor talking to the honey's nephew's girlfriend Bailey. I see Diane and Melissa on the other side of the hallway and hear Diane say to Melissa that she had asked Tom what he thought about what was going on and wiggled her ring at him and he said well maybe we will have to make it happen. At which point Melissa gets all freaking giggly and happy and starts hugging Diane and telling her this is the greatest news ever and she will help pay for it. Then they walked off.
So here I am now in a very strange position. Everyone including the honey thinks Tom and Diane are engaged. Everyone but me who knows the truth. (although I am curious if Tom knew she was going to do that because let me tell you he is not the type to do that.)
So here it is days later and I am still confused. I mean really I could maybe understand doing that to your friends but your family?
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
ACK
Between being horribly sick and trying my darndest to catch up with all Christmas stuff I haven't been on here in a while. I read you guys but then rush back to buying, wrapping, job hunting, hacking, cooking and cleaning. I am happy to say I am almost done with Christmas shopping. I have 4 more gifts to get and I am done.
I haven't baked one single cookie though. I haven't sent out Christmas cards either. So even after being busy as hell I am still failing lol.
I just finished boiling 3 dozen eggs for the deviled eggs I need to make for a party tomorrow night. I need to pick up yet another shrimp platter for that same party and wrap two gifts for the gift exchange.
I did buy myself a nice pink sweater for it though. Totally cheap. Cause... yes I am broke lol Thank goodness the honey gave me some money for gifts!
On the 23rd I will be going to grandmas. I have to cook. That house is going to be packed!! I am a bit worried that the turkey she bought is going to be to small. We had extras say they were coming AFTER we bought the turkey. I should be home on the 27th. I will be in the casino gambling with other peoples money on my birthday though WOOT!!!
Ok. I have to go wash out the giant ice chest because the honey's brother is coming to pick it up for the party tomorrow. Which reminds me I need to get the beer out of my truck and stick it in there also.
Talk soon I hope :)
I haven't baked one single cookie though. I haven't sent out Christmas cards either. So even after being busy as hell I am still failing lol.
I just finished boiling 3 dozen eggs for the deviled eggs I need to make for a party tomorrow night. I need to pick up yet another shrimp platter for that same party and wrap two gifts for the gift exchange.
I did buy myself a nice pink sweater for it though. Totally cheap. Cause... yes I am broke lol Thank goodness the honey gave me some money for gifts!
On the 23rd I will be going to grandmas. I have to cook. That house is going to be packed!! I am a bit worried that the turkey she bought is going to be to small. We had extras say they were coming AFTER we bought the turkey. I should be home on the 27th. I will be in the casino gambling with other peoples money on my birthday though WOOT!!!
Ok. I have to go wash out the giant ice chest because the honey's brother is coming to pick it up for the party tomorrow. Which reminds me I need to get the beer out of my truck and stick it in there also.
Talk soon I hope :)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Tonight I am doing something I never thought possible
Tonight I am going to see the Wall Live!!!!! See growing up there has been one constant in my life and that was my love for the band Pink Floyd. When I was younger I painted pictures from the wall and put them up in my room. Almost every phase of my life has their music as a backdrop. I have seen them live and I have seen them live broken up. I have seen Roger Waters. But I have never seen the wall. I never thought it would be something I could see since the original production was a extravagant money pit and only performed at 4 cities in the states.
But tonight.... tonight I am going to go see Roger Waters perform the wall live. It is going to be a full scale visual fantasy for me. He is actually going to build the wall. Build it and destroy it. WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOOK!
I haven't looked at to many videos but I have peeked at a enough to know that tonight everything I hoped for in this concert is going to happen.
I just wish my sickness was all the way gone. I figure my stuffed up ears won't matter since it is going to be loud lol.
But tonight.... tonight I am going to go see Roger Waters perform the wall live. It is going to be a full scale visual fantasy for me. He is actually going to build the wall. Build it and destroy it. WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOOK!
I haven't looked at to many videos but I have peeked at a enough to know that tonight everything I hoped for in this concert is going to happen.
I just wish my sickness was all the way gone. I figure my stuffed up ears won't matter since it is going to be loud lol.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Something interesting I found
I want you to watch this. It is funny. It is haunting. The first minute and a half blow me away for some reason. I can't stop watching it.
See what I mean?
Anywhoooo... still sick but feeling a tad bit better. Talk to you all soon.
See what I mean?
Anywhoooo... still sick but feeling a tad bit better. Talk to you all soon.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
UGH sick
I have been sick for days now. I wanted to let you all know I haven't died or anything like that. Just progressively getting worse sick wise.
Day one was the shivers and freezing to death (fever)
Day two was aches and sleeping all day long along with day one stuff
Day three was the beginning of a snot factory in my nose along with day one and two stuff.
Day four... wow is it only day four... add in sore throat and stuffy ears to all the other symptoms.
This sucks. I have taken so much medicine I can't remember stuff like if I put water in the Christmas tree or not.
I am going to take my stuffed up stupid nose and check if I have to go check in for Jury duty because of course I have it this week.
*sprays Lysol all over post so people don't get sick like me
Day one was the shivers and freezing to death (fever)
Day two was aches and sleeping all day long along with day one stuff
Day three was the beginning of a snot factory in my nose along with day one and two stuff.
Day four... wow is it only day four... add in sore throat and stuffy ears to all the other symptoms.
This sucks. I have taken so much medicine I can't remember stuff like if I put water in the Christmas tree or not.
I am going to take my stuffed up stupid nose and check if I have to go check in for Jury duty because of course I have it this week.
*sprays Lysol all over post so people don't get sick like me
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Zooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmm
That is what this year is doing. My god is it going fast! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I haven't posted on my blog for over a week. Soon Christmas will be here. And I still have no job.
I figure that won't happen until after Christmas anyway so no stressing about it. Lord knows I am going to stress about Christmas, Thanksgiving and gift giving and shopping so I don't need to add anymore.
Day before yesterday I bought some new cleaner to clean my shower. We have hard water and a thick film of white that will not go away. I have used comet, vinegar, 409, scrubbing bubbles. Pretty much everything. Well someone mentioned Kaboom. How it was a wonder worker. I thought ok. fine. Nothing else makes a damn dent in that white soap scum/hard water mixture I will try it. So I bought some.
And I used it. I sprayed and sprayed and waited the time I was suppose to. Then armed with my bucket of hot water and a sponge I started scrubbing. My eyes were stinging. I could feel my throat and nose getting coated with that chemical smell/taste. And the damn shit didn't work. I felt like crying. I walked around with that stupid burnt feeling in my mouth and nose all day.
That night I went to bed and at 1:30 am I woke up feeling horrible. I spent until 3:45 am running back and forth to the bathroom feeling like I was going to throw up. I never did. Although I had a few drool fests lol.
The next day I still felt horrible. I totally was having some reaction to the stupid cleaner. Today though... much better!
Needless to say that cleaner is going into the garbage. I am not in the mood for another night of staring into my toilet bowl. Which I need to clean blick.
We made the decision to go to the honey's nephews for Thanksgiving. I asked them what I should bring and they told me a shrimp cocktail platter.
What? Seriously?
They totally gave me something that I have no idea how to make. Had no idea people ate this for Thanksgiving. I ordered one over the phone from Safeway. I thought I was good. I had told the lady what I wanted. Told her how many people. Blah blah blah.
Then the honey notched up the fear factor. Are you sure you are getting the prawns and not those tiny shrimp? (ummm no I was assuming)
How many shrimp per person is that? (ummm I didn't ask that)
Exactly how big is the platter? (ummm I have no idea I told her what I wanted)
So today I need to haul my ass over to Safeway and talk face to face with the seafood lady. Why the hell couldn't they have asked me to bring something like deviled eggs!
Well, I have to go to the store. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.
I figure that won't happen until after Christmas anyway so no stressing about it. Lord knows I am going to stress about Christmas, Thanksgiving and gift giving and shopping so I don't need to add anymore.
Day before yesterday I bought some new cleaner to clean my shower. We have hard water and a thick film of white that will not go away. I have used comet, vinegar, 409, scrubbing bubbles. Pretty much everything. Well someone mentioned Kaboom. How it was a wonder worker. I thought ok. fine. Nothing else makes a damn dent in that white soap scum/hard water mixture I will try it. So I bought some.
And I used it. I sprayed and sprayed and waited the time I was suppose to. Then armed with my bucket of hot water and a sponge I started scrubbing. My eyes were stinging. I could feel my throat and nose getting coated with that chemical smell/taste. And the damn shit didn't work. I felt like crying. I walked around with that stupid burnt feeling in my mouth and nose all day.
That night I went to bed and at 1:30 am I woke up feeling horrible. I spent until 3:45 am running back and forth to the bathroom feeling like I was going to throw up. I never did. Although I had a few drool fests lol.
The next day I still felt horrible. I totally was having some reaction to the stupid cleaner. Today though... much better!
Needless to say that cleaner is going into the garbage. I am not in the mood for another night of staring into my toilet bowl. Which I need to clean blick.
We made the decision to go to the honey's nephews for Thanksgiving. I asked them what I should bring and they told me a shrimp cocktail platter.
What? Seriously?
They totally gave me something that I have no idea how to make. Had no idea people ate this for Thanksgiving. I ordered one over the phone from Safeway. I thought I was good. I had told the lady what I wanted. Told her how many people. Blah blah blah.
Then the honey notched up the fear factor. Are you sure you are getting the prawns and not those tiny shrimp? (ummm no I was assuming)
How many shrimp per person is that? (ummm I didn't ask that)
Exactly how big is the platter? (ummm I have no idea I told her what I wanted)
So today I need to haul my ass over to Safeway and talk face to face with the seafood lady. Why the hell couldn't they have asked me to bring something like deviled eggs!
Well, I have to go to the store. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.
Monday, November 15, 2010
The new hair and Walking dead.
So without any further blah blah blah... here is my new hair.
The first time I dyed it I looked just like the cat I am holding.
And no I am not so spread out on the bottom as I look in that picture I am actually sitting on a fence. I should have cut that part off lol.
It was a shock to have such dark hair the first two days. But now I like it a lot!
Are you watching The Walking Dead? Well are you? If you aren't you are missing out on a seriously excellent show.
Here are a few of my thoughts about this episode lol
I think they are in trouble with Merle. He is not going to be a happy camper that he had to cut off his own hand. I don't think the fact that they tried to go save him is going to change that in any way either. His brother is a loose cannon too.
The whole scene where Rick is reunited with his family was nice. Shane is going to have issues with this farther down the road. He is the alpha male of the group and his position is about to change. He is going to lose his kingdom, his makeshift family and anything else that he thought he had to Rick. Somehow I don't think he is going to take that well in the future.
I can totally understand him telling Laurie that Rick was dead. He goes to the hospital and it is overrun with zombies (why in the hell are they calling them geeks?) He knows that Rick was in a coma. I probably would have assumed he died in there too.
The "campers" need a better defense then cans on a string to alert them to zombie attack. They have picked a ok area but man they need to start thinking defensible space. They need to clear a larger area. They need to plan out multiple escape routes. They need to start carving weapons. They are sitting ducks right now. They need foraging teams. People they would send in small groups of maybe three at a time, to go gather supplies they needed like the radiator hose. They should be collecting all the canned food they can.
They know Atlanta is overrun. But there will be random houses here and there. Instead they are just sitting and waiting to run out of food.
They need to stop driving to get water. Walk. Quiet is key here.
The women need to be trained to kill. There is no way in hell I am going to just sit there washing clothes when my life is on the line.
They need to learn to kill silently. The cut off the head/shoot it with a arrow through the brain was nice and tidy... minus all the noise they made in trying to kill him.
They just don't seem to care about the fluids that are flying around either. Watch out people or you will find yourself infected.
The first time I dyed it I looked just like the cat I am holding.
And no I am not so spread out on the bottom as I look in that picture I am actually sitting on a fence. I should have cut that part off lol.
It was a shock to have such dark hair the first two days. But now I like it a lot!
Are you watching The Walking Dead? Well are you? If you aren't you are missing out on a seriously excellent show.
Here are a few of my thoughts about this episode lol
I think they are in trouble with Merle. He is not going to be a happy camper that he had to cut off his own hand. I don't think the fact that they tried to go save him is going to change that in any way either. His brother is a loose cannon too.
The whole scene where Rick is reunited with his family was nice. Shane is going to have issues with this farther down the road. He is the alpha male of the group and his position is about to change. He is going to lose his kingdom, his makeshift family and anything else that he thought he had to Rick. Somehow I don't think he is going to take that well in the future.
I can totally understand him telling Laurie that Rick was dead. He goes to the hospital and it is overrun with zombies (why in the hell are they calling them geeks?) He knows that Rick was in a coma. I probably would have assumed he died in there too.
The "campers" need a better defense then cans on a string to alert them to zombie attack. They have picked a ok area but man they need to start thinking defensible space. They need to clear a larger area. They need to plan out multiple escape routes. They need to start carving weapons. They are sitting ducks right now. They need foraging teams. People they would send in small groups of maybe three at a time, to go gather supplies they needed like the radiator hose. They should be collecting all the canned food they can.
They know Atlanta is overrun. But there will be random houses here and there. Instead they are just sitting and waiting to run out of food.
They need to stop driving to get water. Walk. Quiet is key here.
The women need to be trained to kill. There is no way in hell I am going to just sit there washing clothes when my life is on the line.
They need to learn to kill silently. The cut off the head/shoot it with a arrow through the brain was nice and tidy... minus all the noise they made in trying to kill him.
They just don't seem to care about the fluids that are flying around either. Watch out people or you will find yourself infected.
Friday, November 12, 2010
The hair dye disaster
Oh boy was it ever a disaster. See, I had these two strips of grey that didn't bother me then really bothered me. So today I bought some hair dye. Medium brown. Well..... I ended up a calico.
My hair was completely and totally screwed up. Bad. BAD BAD BAD. It was red and brown and blond and stupid looking.
So I ran and bought some new hair dye to fix it.
Tomorrow Sazy is going to take a picture and I will show you what happened next.
Let's just say in my lifetime I have NEVER had this dark of hair.
Holy Crap.
My hair was completely and totally screwed up. Bad. BAD BAD BAD. It was red and brown and blond and stupid looking.
So I ran and bought some new hair dye to fix it.
Tomorrow Sazy is going to take a picture and I will show you what happened next.
Let's just say in my lifetime I have NEVER had this dark of hair.
Holy Crap.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
What to do?
I am having a bit of a mental dilemma regarding Thanksgiving. Do I go to grandmas like normal or do I stay home and go to the honey's nephews.
I know what I want to to which is go to grandma's but honestly I want to be fair too. The honey would like to go duck hunting for the first time this season the Saturday after. He has worked every Saturday so this would be his first opportunity to do one of his favorite things and he actually really deserves to be able to go. He is working so damn hard. He is leaving the choice up to me.
So here are the choices.
Drive up to grandmas after the honey gets off work on Wednesday. A 3 1/2 hour trip one one.
See grandma has slowly but surely handed over the cooking to me. I am the holiday cook. My entire family on that side comes over and we feast. We talk and play card games. This year one of my cousins is actually going to deep fry a turkey so I wouldn't have to cook that. I am not sure who would do the rest of the cooking if it wasn't me.
I would want to stay and go see the Harry Potter movie with my grandmother since it is kind of a tradition also. But I would feel the need to leave the day after Thanksgiving in order to give the honey the opportunity to go duck hunting. So that would mean no movie.
The other choice is staying home and going to Thanksgiving at his nephews house. This is the first time they have ever done a holiday gathering. This is our first invitation to something like this from them. The honey doesn't spend a lot of time with his side of the family so this would be nice for him. He would also be able to go duck hunting that Saturday and possibly that Friday too. Something he really wants to do. It would also mean he didn't have to drive 3 1/2 hours after work and then 3 1/2 hours home the day before hunting.
My inner want is grandma. But like I said I want to be fair. I also don't want us to separate this Thanksgiving because it really looks like that might happen on Christmas. The decision should be easy. Let the honey stay home so he can have some much needed down time from his job. He has been working weekends for months now. I feel selfish for wanting to spend time with my family. I am completely torn. HELP!
I know what I want to to which is go to grandma's but honestly I want to be fair too. The honey would like to go duck hunting for the first time this season the Saturday after. He has worked every Saturday so this would be his first opportunity to do one of his favorite things and he actually really deserves to be able to go. He is working so damn hard. He is leaving the choice up to me.
So here are the choices.
Drive up to grandmas after the honey gets off work on Wednesday. A 3 1/2 hour trip one one.
See grandma has slowly but surely handed over the cooking to me. I am the holiday cook. My entire family on that side comes over and we feast. We talk and play card games. This year one of my cousins is actually going to deep fry a turkey so I wouldn't have to cook that. I am not sure who would do the rest of the cooking if it wasn't me.
I would want to stay and go see the Harry Potter movie with my grandmother since it is kind of a tradition also. But I would feel the need to leave the day after Thanksgiving in order to give the honey the opportunity to go duck hunting. So that would mean no movie.
The other choice is staying home and going to Thanksgiving at his nephews house. This is the first time they have ever done a holiday gathering. This is our first invitation to something like this from them. The honey doesn't spend a lot of time with his side of the family so this would be nice for him. He would also be able to go duck hunting that Saturday and possibly that Friday too. Something he really wants to do. It would also mean he didn't have to drive 3 1/2 hours after work and then 3 1/2 hours home the day before hunting.
My inner want is grandma. But like I said I want to be fair. I also don't want us to separate this Thanksgiving because it really looks like that might happen on Christmas. The decision should be easy. Let the honey stay home so he can have some much needed down time from his job. He has been working weekends for months now. I feel selfish for wanting to spend time with my family. I am completely torn. HELP!
Monday, November 8, 2010
The Walking Dead and me
Are you guys watching this new series? It just started last week. This show is excellent. Here is the website. You can watch the first episode online.
http://www.amctv.com/originals/The-Walking-Dead/
The second episode should be up sometime soon.
I am a horror lover. I read and watch a ton of horror. So the first episode had to be good in order to keep my attention. The first 5 minutes almost had me turning it off but I am so damn glad I didn't. After that it was a no holds barred zombie lovefest. The writers did a excellent job of keeping my attention and building tension.
This is not for the faint of heart. Although the first show didn't have tons of zombies it brought us into that world. The second show more then made up for the seemingly small lack in the first show.
This is hands down my new favorite show on tv. WOOT ZOMBIES!!!!!
I cannot wait until next Sunday. :)
I know that it must be hard to try and make an original zombie show. After all how do you make something that has been around for years and years seem fresh. They are doing it by making it all about the characters. I am sooo happy I stumbled (HA!) on this show. I hope some of you are watching it too.
I haven't heard back from the job. Guess I didn't get invited to the second round of interviews. I hadn't realized how much I had wanted to hear back until I spiraled down into a blue funk.
But you know what. I give up. No really. I give up. I will continue to apply but I don't care anymore. If they call me good. But if they don't.. well screw it. I can't allow myself to get so damn depressed like that. It is horrible. So I don't care anymore. Yes I want a job. Yes I need a job. Yes I will continue to look hard for a job. But I am not allowing myself hope anymore. If I don't hope then I won't fall if I do. I am tired of falling.
http://www.amctv.com/originals/The-Walking-Dead/
The second episode should be up sometime soon.
I am a horror lover. I read and watch a ton of horror. So the first episode had to be good in order to keep my attention. The first 5 minutes almost had me turning it off but I am so damn glad I didn't. After that it was a no holds barred zombie lovefest. The writers did a excellent job of keeping my attention and building tension.
This is not for the faint of heart. Although the first show didn't have tons of zombies it brought us into that world. The second show more then made up for the seemingly small lack in the first show.
This is hands down my new favorite show on tv. WOOT ZOMBIES!!!!!
I cannot wait until next Sunday. :)
I know that it must be hard to try and make an original zombie show. After all how do you make something that has been around for years and years seem fresh. They are doing it by making it all about the characters. I am sooo happy I stumbled (HA!) on this show. I hope some of you are watching it too.
I haven't heard back from the job. Guess I didn't get invited to the second round of interviews. I hadn't realized how much I had wanted to hear back until I spiraled down into a blue funk.
But you know what. I give up. No really. I give up. I will continue to apply but I don't care anymore. If they call me good. But if they don't.. well screw it. I can't allow myself to get so damn depressed like that. It is horrible. So I don't care anymore. Yes I want a job. Yes I need a job. Yes I will continue to look hard for a job. But I am not allowing myself hope anymore. If I don't hope then I won't fall if I do. I am tired of falling.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Mood swings are oh so much fun
Not!
I am driving myself crazy. I had a complete meltdown yesterday. One of those types where you lay in bed at night and wonder if you actually should be on some kind of medication. The honey keeps telling me I am depressed. Well hello! I know I am depressed.
How do I know this. Well lets take a look at a few signs shall we?
1. I never left the house without make up. Ever. If I did on a very very very rare occasion I would be mortified that someone might see me. Now? I can't remember the last time I put make up on. Well minus the interview I went on. I no longer care. Really who gives a flying fuck. Where do I go? And if I do go somewhere who cares.
This is NOT normal for me. I know this.
2. In this household I live with a germ guy. This means a shower in the morning and a shower at night. Every day. (sometimes more if he feels like it) I am suppose to follow suit. In fact I did. It didn't bother me. I liked it. Well that shower in the morning thing? Totally stopped on the days he goes to work. In fact it is a damn effort just to brush my hair some days.
3. Yesterday I noticed a patch of grey in my hair. About a half inch wide. Did I lose my mind like normal and run out to buy some hair dye? Nope. Would I have in the past? Yup, in fact as soon as I saw the first hint of returning grey I would have all ready had the dye in my hair.
4. A lot of my pants are capris. This means you shave your legs at least from the knee down in order to wear them right? Well... not anymore. In fact I am wearing some right now with my not combed hair and the hair on my legs is probably a 1/4 inch long. I don't care. I will go outside like this and not care. That is NOT normal.
5. I just can't seem to get interested in anything anymore. Things that normally interest me don't. I am just so tired. So freaking tired.
I really need to shake myself out of this funk. (and yes there is a much much longer list) I feel like some kind of damn pansy ass who can't handle her reality. I am from much stronger stock then that. My family would kick my ass if they could see me now. And I really don't care LOL Ahem.
Depression sucks. I want to shake myself and wake up. I can just imagine what fun I am with the honey.
A online friend of mine yesterday made the suggestion that I should go volunteer somewhere. That it will make me feel useful again. It was a really really nice and wonderful suggestion. But instead of making me feel like it was a really nice and wonderful suggestion I got defensive and semi irritated. Which is completely stupid and a totally non rational reaction to that statement. I felt like an asshole for my own feelings.
See mood swings. STUPID!!!!
anyhoooo... in other news the job I interviewed for.. still haven't heard anything. I even sent them a thank you note. oh well.
I am driving myself crazy. I had a complete meltdown yesterday. One of those types where you lay in bed at night and wonder if you actually should be on some kind of medication. The honey keeps telling me I am depressed. Well hello! I know I am depressed.
How do I know this. Well lets take a look at a few signs shall we?
1. I never left the house without make up. Ever. If I did on a very very very rare occasion I would be mortified that someone might see me. Now? I can't remember the last time I put make up on. Well minus the interview I went on. I no longer care. Really who gives a flying fuck. Where do I go? And if I do go somewhere who cares.
This is NOT normal for me. I know this.
2. In this household I live with a germ guy. This means a shower in the morning and a shower at night. Every day. (sometimes more if he feels like it) I am suppose to follow suit. In fact I did. It didn't bother me. I liked it. Well that shower in the morning thing? Totally stopped on the days he goes to work. In fact it is a damn effort just to brush my hair some days.
3. Yesterday I noticed a patch of grey in my hair. About a half inch wide. Did I lose my mind like normal and run out to buy some hair dye? Nope. Would I have in the past? Yup, in fact as soon as I saw the first hint of returning grey I would have all ready had the dye in my hair.
4. A lot of my pants are capris. This means you shave your legs at least from the knee down in order to wear them right? Well... not anymore. In fact I am wearing some right now with my not combed hair and the hair on my legs is probably a 1/4 inch long. I don't care. I will go outside like this and not care. That is NOT normal.
5. I just can't seem to get interested in anything anymore. Things that normally interest me don't. I am just so tired. So freaking tired.
I really need to shake myself out of this funk. (and yes there is a much much longer list) I feel like some kind of damn pansy ass who can't handle her reality. I am from much stronger stock then that. My family would kick my ass if they could see me now. And I really don't care LOL Ahem.
Depression sucks. I want to shake myself and wake up. I can just imagine what fun I am with the honey.
A online friend of mine yesterday made the suggestion that I should go volunteer somewhere. That it will make me feel useful again. It was a really really nice and wonderful suggestion. But instead of making me feel like it was a really nice and wonderful suggestion I got defensive and semi irritated. Which is completely stupid and a totally non rational reaction to that statement. I felt like an asshole for my own feelings.
See mood swings. STUPID!!!!
anyhoooo... in other news the job I interviewed for.. still haven't heard anything. I even sent them a thank you note. oh well.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Halloween my way
I thought I would share a couple pictures from Halloween. (and no I haven't heard from that job yet :( ) And yes you may need to click the pictures lol
Friday, October 29, 2010
No news yet and other random crap
Well I haven't heard anything yet about the job. But they did say it would be one to two weeks. It is so hard to find a balance between hope and what tends to be reality lately.
You don't want to get your hopes up to far because after falling so many times it is not a good idea. So I just wait. With a little hope. Not to much but a little.
So my boobs are at the point where just putting on a bra hurts right? I go to Costco and they have those giant carts where the handle is exactly at boob height. I didn't see the 2x4 sticking out and the cart hit it and stopped causing me to smash my boobs on the handle. I actually cried four tears before I was able to get myself under control. It really sucked.
I had an absolute meltdown last night. It was a combo money/stress/no job/boo hoo pity party which I had absolutely no idea was going to happen. One minute I was chatting all la la la la and then my voice cracked and tears spit out my eyes. I threw my hand over my mouth pretty much in horror and embarrassment. Seriously I had no idea I was about to turn into some blubbering baby.
I have this fear of never finding a job, running out of money and having to be dependent on the honey. I DO NOT want that to happen. It is my own personal issue but there it is.
Growing up as a child I had to depend on others. Government cheese, welfare, food stamps and handouts. (although the giant blocks of cheese were damn yummy.... but then again maybe I was just hungry LMAO) As I got older I promised myself I would never ever be in that position again. I know it is not exactly the same thing but in my head it kind of feels like it. I don't want to be a charity case!!
My house is decorated totally Halloweeny. <--not a word and I don't care lol
I got giant spiders on the fence. Tombstones on the lawn with skeleton pieces. Stuff stuck on the windows. When Sazy comes over to watch Ghost Hunters live on Halloween I will have her take a picture for you guys.
Here is something that scares the crap out of me every time I hear it.
It makes the hair stand up on my neck and completely just changes my view of the world around me. I don't know what it is about that piece of music but it makes me shaky.
And here is my favorite horror movie "monster" of all time.
He had a way of getting under my skin.
Well I have to go make some yummy meatballs and then read some blogs I am behind on. Talk to you all later
You don't want to get your hopes up to far because after falling so many times it is not a good idea. So I just wait. With a little hope. Not to much but a little.
So my boobs are at the point where just putting on a bra hurts right? I go to Costco and they have those giant carts where the handle is exactly at boob height. I didn't see the 2x4 sticking out and the cart hit it and stopped causing me to smash my boobs on the handle. I actually cried four tears before I was able to get myself under control. It really sucked.
I had an absolute meltdown last night. It was a combo money/stress/no job/boo hoo pity party which I had absolutely no idea was going to happen. One minute I was chatting all la la la la and then my voice cracked and tears spit out my eyes. I threw my hand over my mouth pretty much in horror and embarrassment. Seriously I had no idea I was about to turn into some blubbering baby.
I have this fear of never finding a job, running out of money and having to be dependent on the honey. I DO NOT want that to happen. It is my own personal issue but there it is.
Growing up as a child I had to depend on others. Government cheese, welfare, food stamps and handouts. (although the giant blocks of cheese were damn yummy.... but then again maybe I was just hungry LMAO) As I got older I promised myself I would never ever be in that position again. I know it is not exactly the same thing but in my head it kind of feels like it. I don't want to be a charity case!!
My house is decorated totally Halloweeny. <--not a word and I don't care lol
I got giant spiders on the fence. Tombstones on the lawn with skeleton pieces. Stuff stuck on the windows. When Sazy comes over to watch Ghost Hunters live on Halloween I will have her take a picture for you guys.
Here is something that scares the crap out of me every time I hear it.
It makes the hair stand up on my neck and completely just changes my view of the world around me. I don't know what it is about that piece of music but it makes me shaky.
And here is my favorite horror movie "monster" of all time.
He had a way of getting under my skin.
Well I have to go make some yummy meatballs and then read some blogs I am behind on. Talk to you all later
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Interview went well
So I got in there early (I like to arrive 10 minutes early) and they took me right in. After all the chatting and discussing of the job and the duties all I could think was my god it is like they took everything I like to do and turned it into my dream job. I mean seriously the job sounds awsome. Everything they want I can do. Everything they needed I was trained in. It was like a neon sign blinked Jody's Job Jody's job.
Now we can only hope the other 9 people in the first round of interviews suck and they call me back for a second interview within the next two weeks.
Yes they are interviewing a minimum of 10 people in the first round. Sigh
I will be bummed if I don't at least get a second interview lol
Now we can only hope the other 9 people in the first round of interviews suck and they call me back for a second interview within the next two weeks.
Yes they are interviewing a minimum of 10 people in the first round. Sigh
I will be bummed if I don't at least get a second interview lol
Monday, October 25, 2010
Today is my interview
This morning I got a call from the place I am interviewing at to verify my interview and probably completely blew it but I told her I had to admit something completely embarrassing and that I looked everywhere and couldn't find the ad.
So she sent it to me. ummm... WTF was I thinking. I don't have quite a bit of these skills.
Office manager/ Bookkeeper needed for small office in Morgan Hill.
Ideal candidate will have 3-5 years of bookkeeping & customer service experience. Requires the skill to multi-task, prioritize and work independently. Excellent verbal and written communication skills are a must. Advanced knowledge of Microsoft Office applications and Quickbooks are necessary. Intermediate level IT skills helpful for managing computer hardware & software including high end printers and networked environment. Must be fast learner with the ability to handle all aspects of office management from clerical /receptionist duties to Accounts Payable and Receivables including supporting Company Executives with project based work with minimal direction or supervision.
Pay depending on experience, no benefits available at this time.
Ok so I have a bit of the stuff. Just no IT and very light quickbooks. When I say I have no IT I mean it. I can plug something in and maybe add software to it but that is the extent of my IT knowledge LOL. Quickbooks I have used maybe twice in my life. It is a fairly easy system that I know I could learn incredibly quickly but still. WTF was I thinking!!
But at least I am not going in blind anymore!
And hopefully they won't mind that I had to ask what the job was. Everything else is cake. I can do it.
So instead of being nervous that I don't have any idea what I am going to an interview for I am nervous about the lack of skills I have for two portions of the job.
Anywhooooo I go today at 4pm. Wish me luck.....
So she sent it to me. ummm... WTF was I thinking. I don't have quite a bit of these skills.
Office manager/ Bookkeeper needed for small office in Morgan Hill.
Ideal candidate will have 3-5 years of bookkeeping & customer service experience. Requires the skill to multi-task, prioritize and work independently. Excellent verbal and written communication skills are a must. Advanced knowledge of Microsoft Office applications and Quickbooks are necessary. Intermediate level IT skills helpful for managing computer hardware & software including high end printers and networked environment. Must be fast learner with the ability to handle all aspects of office management from clerical /receptionist duties to Accounts Payable and Receivables including supporting Company Executives with project based work with minimal direction or supervision.
Pay depending on experience, no benefits available at this time.
Ok so I have a bit of the stuff. Just no IT and very light quickbooks. When I say I have no IT I mean it. I can plug something in and maybe add software to it but that is the extent of my IT knowledge LOL. Quickbooks I have used maybe twice in my life. It is a fairly easy system that I know I could learn incredibly quickly but still. WTF was I thinking!!
But at least I am not going in blind anymore!
And hopefully they won't mind that I had to ask what the job was. Everything else is cake. I can do it.
So instead of being nervous that I don't have any idea what I am going to an interview for I am nervous about the lack of skills I have for two portions of the job.
Anywhooooo I go today at 4pm. Wish me luck.....
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Interview on Monday
First off... WOOT!!!!
I am super excited that I finally have a interview. After setting up the time (four), getting the company name and phone number we got off the phone.
Now the problem.....
She told me that I sent her my resume from Craigslist. Which is fine I have sent what seems like millions... but there in lies the problem.
I have sent in a million. I looked all over craigslist for the one ad it could have been. I can't find it.
That means I have no idea what I applied for. I have no idea if it is part time or full time. I have no idea what the hell I am going to be doing. I have to go to this interview fully blind.
ACK!!!!!!!
I am having a bit of panic over this.
I hope I can pull this off. I don't know how long ago I sent in the resume. Was it days? Weeks? a month ago?
Obviously I must have the skills they are looking for but my skills are so wide and varied that that doesn't give me a single clue as to what the job is for.
ACK ACK ACK!!!!
Deep breath..... whew....
Anywhoooooo...I have to go put up some tombstones outside :)
I am super excited that I finally have a interview. After setting up the time (four), getting the company name and phone number we got off the phone.
Now the problem.....
She told me that I sent her my resume from Craigslist. Which is fine I have sent what seems like millions... but there in lies the problem.
I have sent in a million. I looked all over craigslist for the one ad it could have been. I can't find it.
That means I have no idea what I applied for. I have no idea if it is part time or full time. I have no idea what the hell I am going to be doing. I have to go to this interview fully blind.
ACK!!!!!!!
I am having a bit of panic over this.
I hope I can pull this off. I don't know how long ago I sent in the resume. Was it days? Weeks? a month ago?
Obviously I must have the skills they are looking for but my skills are so wide and varied that that doesn't give me a single clue as to what the job is for.
ACK ACK ACK!!!!
Deep breath..... whew....
Anywhoooooo...I have to go put up some tombstones outside :)
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
The chainsaw versus the telephone/internet line
Can you guess which one won?
The honey got the great idea to trim the outside tree. We do it once a year. Trim that sucker down to the nubs. I guess it is to keep it smaller. And it helps with the hundred thousand leaves it drops. Well this year he had bought a brand spanking new chainsaw on a stick.
You should have seen him all happy outside. No ladder. Just chopping away at the limbs as I stacked them up.
Then.....
SNAP
I watched the wire cut in half. Part of it heading back to the pole and the other heading to the house.
"Um.... what was that wire for?"
"Don't worry about it."
"No really. What was that wire for? Am I going to be electrocuted standing here on the wet grass?"
"It was the phone/internet line. No big deal and no you won't be electrocuted."
"Ok good."
I grabbed another set of branches to move in the pile and then it hit me. I don't have the internet anymore.
"Um.... can you fix that?"
"No, you are going to have to call to get it fixed. But I don't want to pay for it so say a branch fell on it."
I turned around to go in the house and call.
"Where in the heck are you going?"
"I am going to go call!"
"You don't need to call right now. We aren't done."
In my head I am thinking oh hell yes I have to call. RIGHT NOW! I don't have internet! How long is it going to take them to fix it. And buddy you are so freaking gonna pay for it to be fixed if it costs something.
But like a good little girl I continued to stack the branches until he decided it was getting to dark to finish.
It was at this point I ran into the house coated in wood chips and crunched up leaves. I sat down at the computer and started to type in the information to get the phone number I needed to fix the internet when I realized I can't use the internet. UGH. So I grabbed the phone book and then grabbed the phone. At which point I remember I can't used the damn phone either!
So I get my cell and call in a repair ticket. I am surprised I didn't whine/cry/yell at them to hurry up and fix me.
Well I now have my internet back. I watched a lot of shows that I had on my dvr during my down time and I read two books LOL
What is new with you?
The honey got the great idea to trim the outside tree. We do it once a year. Trim that sucker down to the nubs. I guess it is to keep it smaller. And it helps with the hundred thousand leaves it drops. Well this year he had bought a brand spanking new chainsaw on a stick.
You should have seen him all happy outside. No ladder. Just chopping away at the limbs as I stacked them up.
Then.....
SNAP
I watched the wire cut in half. Part of it heading back to the pole and the other heading to the house.
"Um.... what was that wire for?"
"Don't worry about it."
"No really. What was that wire for? Am I going to be electrocuted standing here on the wet grass?"
"It was the phone/internet line. No big deal and no you won't be electrocuted."
"Ok good."
I grabbed another set of branches to move in the pile and then it hit me. I don't have the internet anymore.
"Um.... can you fix that?"
"No, you are going to have to call to get it fixed. But I don't want to pay for it so say a branch fell on it."
I turned around to go in the house and call.
"Where in the heck are you going?"
"I am going to go call!"
"You don't need to call right now. We aren't done."
In my head I am thinking oh hell yes I have to call. RIGHT NOW! I don't have internet! How long is it going to take them to fix it. And buddy you are so freaking gonna pay for it to be fixed if it costs something.
But like a good little girl I continued to stack the branches until he decided it was getting to dark to finish.
It was at this point I ran into the house coated in wood chips and crunched up leaves. I sat down at the computer and started to type in the information to get the phone number I needed to fix the internet when I realized I can't use the internet. UGH. So I grabbed the phone book and then grabbed the phone. At which point I remember I can't used the damn phone either!
So I get my cell and call in a repair ticket. I am surprised I didn't whine/cry/yell at them to hurry up and fix me.
Well I now have my internet back. I watched a lot of shows that I had on my dvr during my down time and I read two books LOL
What is new with you?
Friday, October 15, 2010
I have a new member of my family
Meet my new niece Sophia
Isn't she freaking cute!!!
I have to admit to a great giant amount of envy. I wish wish wish I could have had children.
Isn't she freaking cute!!!
I have to admit to a great giant amount of envy. I wish wish wish I could have had children.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Random Ramblings
Yesterday I lost it a bit as you can tell. It happens. Everything is fine then BAM I lose it. It really rather sucks by the way.
But good came out of it. One of the bloggers I follow and who follows me offered me a bit of help. She offered to look over my resume. I went through a whole range of emotions from being weirded out that someone might think my resume sucked big time to hope that it would help. So off I sent my resume to Aunt of 14
As soon as I hit send my stomach started to hurt. What if she thought my resume was a piece of shit. I had pride in that stupid thing. I worked hard at it.
But I didn't need to worry. She sent me a email back letting me know that it wasn't awful. She even shared with me hers. Then she went above and beyond and actually turned my two page resume into a one page masterpiece. It had everything that I had only better. She had no idea how long and how hard I had tried to make it into one page. Or how I had finally given up on doing it.
I cannot say thank you enough for that. And for the mental boost knowing I hadn't been sending out a piece of crap.
It amazes me how random strangers help each other. I only hope at some point in the future I will come across something I can do to pay it forward.
Are you guys watching the miner rescues? I can't stop watching. It is heartwarming and wonderful. Add in a bit of personal drama like the miner who had a wife and a mistress that had no idea about each other and it has been great tv. I can't imagine how horrible it had been. I can't imagine how excited they must be as they wait for their turn. I can't imagine being in that tiny capsule.
Their lives are going to be so different. I can't imagine going through that and not becoming a different person on the inside. I am so happy for them.
Yesterday I went to the store and picked up some food for two meals. Hot dogs and a enchilada casserole. It turned out to be boiling hot so I decided to cook the hot dogs...... then I got a phone call from the honey.
It went like this.....
Him: what are you making for dinner?
Me: I got hot dogs and mac and cheese. It is hot so I wanted a light cooking day.
him- I don't want that.
me... um ok I also got stuff to make a chicken enchilada casserole would you rather have that?
him- No. How about tuna fish sandwiches.
me. Fine
him- with lettuce and tomato
me- let me check. Nope we don't have any of those.
him... silence
Me.... I already went to the store once today I am not going again.
him- Fine I will just starve then....
Me. OK
I have to admit that conversation pissed me off. And again today he doesn't want either of those. He knows I am on a budget. I explained to him that I can't buy food and not have him eat it. But still he insisted on something else.
I need to have a sit down with him and explain that he no longer has a choice in what I cook. That he can either eat what I made or go get himself something else. I can't cater to him right now. I can't waste stuff I buy. In fact I had asked him why he didn't want the hot dogs and he told me that he ate them last month and he doesn't want to get burnt out on them. WTF
I grew my first pumpkin :) It is cute and orange and I am all proud of it lol.
Well I need to get back to watching the miners. Talk to you all soon.
But good came out of it. One of the bloggers I follow and who follows me offered me a bit of help. She offered to look over my resume. I went through a whole range of emotions from being weirded out that someone might think my resume sucked big time to hope that it would help. So off I sent my resume to Aunt of 14
As soon as I hit send my stomach started to hurt. What if she thought my resume was a piece of shit. I had pride in that stupid thing. I worked hard at it.
But I didn't need to worry. She sent me a email back letting me know that it wasn't awful. She even shared with me hers. Then she went above and beyond and actually turned my two page resume into a one page masterpiece. It had everything that I had only better. She had no idea how long and how hard I had tried to make it into one page. Or how I had finally given up on doing it.
I cannot say thank you enough for that. And for the mental boost knowing I hadn't been sending out a piece of crap.
It amazes me how random strangers help each other. I only hope at some point in the future I will come across something I can do to pay it forward.
Are you guys watching the miner rescues? I can't stop watching. It is heartwarming and wonderful. Add in a bit of personal drama like the miner who had a wife and a mistress that had no idea about each other and it has been great tv. I can't imagine how horrible it had been. I can't imagine how excited they must be as they wait for their turn. I can't imagine being in that tiny capsule.
Their lives are going to be so different. I can't imagine going through that and not becoming a different person on the inside. I am so happy for them.
Yesterday I went to the store and picked up some food for two meals. Hot dogs and a enchilada casserole. It turned out to be boiling hot so I decided to cook the hot dogs...... then I got a phone call from the honey.
It went like this.....
Him: what are you making for dinner?
Me: I got hot dogs and mac and cheese. It is hot so I wanted a light cooking day.
him- I don't want that.
me... um ok I also got stuff to make a chicken enchilada casserole would you rather have that?
him- No. How about tuna fish sandwiches.
me. Fine
him- with lettuce and tomato
me- let me check. Nope we don't have any of those.
him... silence
Me.... I already went to the store once today I am not going again.
him- Fine I will just starve then....
Me. OK
I have to admit that conversation pissed me off. And again today he doesn't want either of those. He knows I am on a budget. I explained to him that I can't buy food and not have him eat it. But still he insisted on something else.
I need to have a sit down with him and explain that he no longer has a choice in what I cook. That he can either eat what I made or go get himself something else. I can't cater to him right now. I can't waste stuff I buy. In fact I had asked him why he didn't want the hot dogs and he told me that he ate them last month and he doesn't want to get burnt out on them. WTF
I grew my first pumpkin :) It is cute and orange and I am all proud of it lol.
Well I need to get back to watching the miners. Talk to you all soon.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Please excuse this rant
But I am just so damn frustrated with this job search. I am so damn tired of looking for work every single day and never hearing anything back from anyone. I am so tired of hearing the honey say things like "if you had a job we could do this or that" "If you had a job we could buy another piece of property" "Are you sure you are looking for a job"
Well you know what I don't have a damn job. I can't find a damn job. And yes damn it I am looking for a freaking job!
I am flat out discouraged right now.
I have been out of work since the last week of July of LAST YEAR. I can't even get the dang entry level jobs I apply for. I can't even get freaking interviews. Or even a stupid letter saying "Sorry."
I feel like I am at my wits end here. My moods go up and down like crazy. One day I am fine and search away. The next day I sit there with my head in my hand as I scroll through all the job postings knowing that I will not get any job I apply for. But I still apply.
I am TIRED of applying. I am tired of not working. I am tired of the looks I get when people act all freaking surprised and horrified that I STILL don't have a job. Hell people put yourself in my shoes. You think I freaking am enjoying this. You think I like that every penny has to be accounted for. That just paying my bills and buying groceries take every bit of my unemployment and then some. You think I like watching that savings go down down down knowing that pretty freaking soon there won't be a savings anymore.
Even the damn grocery store won't hire me.
I swear to god I like to work. That I will do a good job. But it just seems no one will give me a chance.
I know that thousands and thousands of people are in my shoes. I know that just here in the Bay Area I am pretty much the bottom of the pack because I do not have a degree. Hell the job postings right now are asking for a freaking degree for a receptionist position.
I feel like pulling my hair out. I feel like less of a person. I feel like a damn failure. I hate this HATE HATE HATE this.
I just want my life back. My normal life where I go to work. Have money to pay the bills. Have a little extra to do fun stuff if I want to. I want to be able to buy that chicken costume for Halloween. I want to be normal again. I want to stop having to do math in my head in regards to groceries or any other purchase. I want to not have to look at my bank account every day. I want to stop being frightened.
I just want a damn job.
I want to stop being ruled by my emotions. I am tired of being depressed. I am tired of feeling like a damn charity case. Yes, unemployment makes me feel like a charity case while at the same time I thank god that I actually have it.
I am tired of looking at the dollar amount left and worrying about what I am going to do when in 6 checks I run out.
I am tired of sitting at home. I am tired of cooking and cleaning.
I am just tired of everything.
I just want a job. Is that so hard. I just want people to look at me like I am not a charity case. I want them to stop wondering what is wrong with me that I can't find work.
I just want my life back. :(
Well you know what I don't have a damn job. I can't find a damn job. And yes damn it I am looking for a freaking job!
I am flat out discouraged right now.
I have been out of work since the last week of July of LAST YEAR. I can't even get the dang entry level jobs I apply for. I can't even get freaking interviews. Or even a stupid letter saying "Sorry."
I feel like I am at my wits end here. My moods go up and down like crazy. One day I am fine and search away. The next day I sit there with my head in my hand as I scroll through all the job postings knowing that I will not get any job I apply for. But I still apply.
I am TIRED of applying. I am tired of not working. I am tired of the looks I get when people act all freaking surprised and horrified that I STILL don't have a job. Hell people put yourself in my shoes. You think I freaking am enjoying this. You think I like that every penny has to be accounted for. That just paying my bills and buying groceries take every bit of my unemployment and then some. You think I like watching that savings go down down down knowing that pretty freaking soon there won't be a savings anymore.
Even the damn grocery store won't hire me.
I swear to god I like to work. That I will do a good job. But it just seems no one will give me a chance.
I know that thousands and thousands of people are in my shoes. I know that just here in the Bay Area I am pretty much the bottom of the pack because I do not have a degree. Hell the job postings right now are asking for a freaking degree for a receptionist position.
I feel like pulling my hair out. I feel like less of a person. I feel like a damn failure. I hate this HATE HATE HATE this.
I just want my life back. My normal life where I go to work. Have money to pay the bills. Have a little extra to do fun stuff if I want to. I want to be able to buy that chicken costume for Halloween. I want to be normal again. I want to stop having to do math in my head in regards to groceries or any other purchase. I want to not have to look at my bank account every day. I want to stop being frightened.
I just want a damn job.
I want to stop being ruled by my emotions. I am tired of being depressed. I am tired of feeling like a damn charity case. Yes, unemployment makes me feel like a charity case while at the same time I thank god that I actually have it.
I am tired of looking at the dollar amount left and worrying about what I am going to do when in 6 checks I run out.
I am tired of sitting at home. I am tired of cooking and cleaning.
I am just tired of everything.
I just want a job. Is that so hard. I just want people to look at me like I am not a charity case. I want them to stop wondering what is wrong with me that I can't find work.
I just want my life back. :(
Monday, October 11, 2010
The inflatable gargoyle
Last weekend I went with the honey to Lowe's. As we were walking around I saw this.
I fell in love. The head moved from side to side. The thing was huge and it was cheap. I told the honey I wanted it and he just laughed. But I knew if I worked on him long enough he would end up getting it for me the next weekend. I am kind of spoiled that way LMAO!!!
So after we went home I started working. Ok I kept talking about how much I loved it. How cute it would look in our yard. How small of a space it would take up since it is inflatable. After three days of talk talk talk he said he would think about it which in our house means FINE just Shut up and we will get it next weekend.
(By the way this works both ways. He tends to get what he wants too)
The neighbor showed up on Thursday. She likes to bring over her son who is two. I guess for adult interaction lol. As we sat in my living room I told her (ok I gushed) about how excited I was about getting the gargoyle. I went into great detail about it's glowing eyes and moving head. I told her how cheap it was and how I couldn't believe that because normally things cost a whole hell of a lot more then that. And I told her I couldn't wait to go back to Lowe's to get it this weekend.
I must have sounded a bit like a crazy person but look at it!!
Friday night a group of neighbors ended up outside chatting. It was me, my next door neighbor, the neighbor with her son and husband and the across the street neighbor. We were talking about the house the across the street neighbors just purchased and how she was going to move but her husband was going to stay until he retired. The other neighbors husband picks up their son and says "We better get going if we are going to get that gargoyle you want from Lowe's"
My mouth dropped. I had one of those moments where you swear there was no way you were hearing what was actually being said.
She says to her husband, "well we have to go to babyland too. We need to get the riding toy."
He says "Well we can't get both. Do you want the riding toy or that gargoyle you have been talking about"
She says " The gargoyle"
And off they go to get ready to leave.
Now this woman had no idea about this gargoyle before I gushed about it. She never told me she was going to get one. She knew I was going on Sunday to buy it for myself. But here it was Friday and she is getting ready to go get it for herself.
She knew how much I wanted it. She should know it will look stupid with two giant gargoyles two houses apart.
Her husband would think I was some kind of copy cat if I put one up.
UGH!!!!!!!!
I have to admit to feeling incredibly irritated and somewhat weirded out.
Why would she do something like that?
Or
Am I just being overly sensitive? I mean she can buy what ever she wants right?
I still don't know if she has it or not. In fact I am not even sure I want to ask her. It really bothers me. The honey said it was rude of her but I am not sure if he was just petting me on the head to make me feel better or what.
So Sunday passed without me getting my gargoyle. I have to admit to being a tad bit sad about that.
I fell in love. The head moved from side to side. The thing was huge and it was cheap. I told the honey I wanted it and he just laughed. But I knew if I worked on him long enough he would end up getting it for me the next weekend. I am kind of spoiled that way LMAO!!!
So after we went home I started working. Ok I kept talking about how much I loved it. How cute it would look in our yard. How small of a space it would take up since it is inflatable. After three days of talk talk talk he said he would think about it which in our house means FINE just Shut up and we will get it next weekend.
(By the way this works both ways. He tends to get what he wants too)
The neighbor showed up on Thursday. She likes to bring over her son who is two. I guess for adult interaction lol. As we sat in my living room I told her (ok I gushed) about how excited I was about getting the gargoyle. I went into great detail about it's glowing eyes and moving head. I told her how cheap it was and how I couldn't believe that because normally things cost a whole hell of a lot more then that. And I told her I couldn't wait to go back to Lowe's to get it this weekend.
I must have sounded a bit like a crazy person but look at it!!
Friday night a group of neighbors ended up outside chatting. It was me, my next door neighbor, the neighbor with her son and husband and the across the street neighbor. We were talking about the house the across the street neighbors just purchased and how she was going to move but her husband was going to stay until he retired. The other neighbors husband picks up their son and says "We better get going if we are going to get that gargoyle you want from Lowe's"
My mouth dropped. I had one of those moments where you swear there was no way you were hearing what was actually being said.
She says to her husband, "well we have to go to babyland too. We need to get the riding toy."
He says "Well we can't get both. Do you want the riding toy or that gargoyle you have been talking about"
She says " The gargoyle"
And off they go to get ready to leave.
Now this woman had no idea about this gargoyle before I gushed about it. She never told me she was going to get one. She knew I was going on Sunday to buy it for myself. But here it was Friday and she is getting ready to go get it for herself.
She knew how much I wanted it. She should know it will look stupid with two giant gargoyles two houses apart.
Her husband would think I was some kind of copy cat if I put one up.
UGH!!!!!!!!
I have to admit to feeling incredibly irritated and somewhat weirded out.
Why would she do something like that?
Or
Am I just being overly sensitive? I mean she can buy what ever she wants right?
I still don't know if she has it or not. In fact I am not even sure I want to ask her. It really bothers me. The honey said it was rude of her but I am not sure if he was just petting me on the head to make me feel better or what.
So Sunday passed without me getting my gargoyle. I have to admit to being a tad bit sad about that.
Friday, October 8, 2010
The house is just not going to clean itself
You know when I first got laid off I cleaned my little heiny off. Everything sparkled. Everything shined. After all I was used to working for 8 hours a day, coming home tired and cleaning on the weekend.
I washed and waxed and scrubbed. It smelled wonderful in here.
Now... it has been over a year and I still do not have a damn job. Along with all the mental crap that goes with that my house is in failure mode too.
Yes... I see those tumbleweeds. YES... I see the cat hair. YES... I see that drool mark left by the dog eating it's cookie. But I just don't seem to really give a damn anymore.
I mean why should I. I will be home tomorrow and the day after and the day after and the day after that to clean. What is the big dang hurry anymore.
Horrible attitude I know but it is where I am.
It was kind of fun the first few months not working. But after that it just became boring. The only "people" I have to talk to all day are my pets and the ones that live in my computer. I find myself talking out loud at the computer. I find myself asking the cats how their day is going lol.
It might be different if I had kids but I don't.
I am just bored out of my freaking mind lol.
I found myself asking people at retail stores yesterday how much money they make an hour. I haven't done retail for a thousand years and it would obviously mean a HUGE HUGE paycut but at least I would be out of the house! The thing is I would need to make more then my minuscule unemployment for it to even be worth it and most retail places would pay me less then unemployment...however, it might be worth the human contact.
I have got to get my mood switched about the house though. It doesn't take long to clean. I just don't have the gumption to get up and do it. I would rather play Frontierville on Facebook :(
The last few days have been a flurry of switching dish providers. The honey went to watch Son's of Anarchy the other night and found that Dish Network had turned off that channel due to a contract dispute. He lost his mind. He ranted and raved and was just plain old pissed off. Within two days we now have Directv. I will say the ability to tape a show in the bedroom yet watch it in the living room is pretty darn cool. Other then that I don't really see any difference besides the giant ass new dish on the opposite side of my house.
See they couldn't put it where the old ones were. So as of right now we have three dishes on our house and look like we are trying to contact aliens. The two Dish dishes will be removed this weekend by the honey hopefully.
I guess I should go clean the house... .maybe I will read a new blog....clean something...read a blog.... clean something....UGH
Oh I forgot that today I linked up here
And any new visitors that I probably won't get anyway.... you should check out the pictures on my two San Francisco with Sazy posts.
I washed and waxed and scrubbed. It smelled wonderful in here.
Now... it has been over a year and I still do not have a damn job. Along with all the mental crap that goes with that my house is in failure mode too.
Yes... I see those tumbleweeds. YES... I see the cat hair. YES... I see that drool mark left by the dog eating it's cookie. But I just don't seem to really give a damn anymore.
I mean why should I. I will be home tomorrow and the day after and the day after and the day after that to clean. What is the big dang hurry anymore.
Horrible attitude I know but it is where I am.
It was kind of fun the first few months not working. But after that it just became boring. The only "people" I have to talk to all day are my pets and the ones that live in my computer. I find myself talking out loud at the computer. I find myself asking the cats how their day is going lol.
It might be different if I had kids but I don't.
I am just bored out of my freaking mind lol.
I found myself asking people at retail stores yesterday how much money they make an hour. I haven't done retail for a thousand years and it would obviously mean a HUGE HUGE paycut but at least I would be out of the house! The thing is I would need to make more then my minuscule unemployment for it to even be worth it and most retail places would pay me less then unemployment...however, it might be worth the human contact.
I have got to get my mood switched about the house though. It doesn't take long to clean. I just don't have the gumption to get up and do it. I would rather play Frontierville on Facebook :(
The last few days have been a flurry of switching dish providers. The honey went to watch Son's of Anarchy the other night and found that Dish Network had turned off that channel due to a contract dispute. He lost his mind. He ranted and raved and was just plain old pissed off. Within two days we now have Directv. I will say the ability to tape a show in the bedroom yet watch it in the living room is pretty darn cool. Other then that I don't really see any difference besides the giant ass new dish on the opposite side of my house.
See they couldn't put it where the old ones were. So as of right now we have three dishes on our house and look like we are trying to contact aliens. The two Dish dishes will be removed this weekend by the honey hopefully.
I guess I should go clean the house... .maybe I will read a new blog....clean something...read a blog.... clean something....UGH
Oh I forgot that today I linked up here
And any new visitors that I probably won't get anyway.... you should check out the pictures on my two San Francisco with Sazy posts.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
The job I could never do.....
I decided to try doing one of Mama Kat's writing prompts. (I will admit it is because it seems no one visits my blog anymore :( and I am hoping to find new readers. Pathetic right?)
So what is the job that I couldn't do? Construction. Look at this picture.
I would die. No seriously. Before I ever even got that far I would have a heart attack and die.
Look at these!
See I can't even stand on this.....
Without feeling like my legs have turned to noodles. My body starts to shake and I break out in a full sweat.
I can't tell you how embarrassing this is to me. There was one time the honey lifted me up onto a beam in order to move a box for him. The problem was once I was up there I froze. Full on froze with my hands like claws. He literally had to peel my hands off in order to get me down. I couldn't even let go I was so terrified.
I have great respect for those workers. I also think they are idiots... but that is just my fear talking. Those guys should be paid a bunch!!!
So what is the job that I couldn't do? Construction. Look at this picture.
I would die. No seriously. Before I ever even got that far I would have a heart attack and die.
Look at these!
See I can't even stand on this.....
Without feeling like my legs have turned to noodles. My body starts to shake and I break out in a full sweat.
I can't tell you how embarrassing this is to me. There was one time the honey lifted me up onto a beam in order to move a box for him. The problem was once I was up there I froze. Full on froze with my hands like claws. He literally had to peel my hands off in order to get me down. I couldn't even let go I was so terrified.
I have great respect for those workers. I also think they are idiots... but that is just my fear talking. Those guys should be paid a bunch!!!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
San Francisco with Sazy part 2
After our trip to the ruins we decided to do a little driving around. First stop was Lombard Street. (again you will need to click the pictures) Sorry!!!
The financial district
and then the Castro district. We took pictures out of a moving car.
I fell in love with this sign (click picture)
Did you know in the Castro men actually walk around completely naked? I had no freaking idea. And I have no idea how they do not get in trouble for it either.
We had a great time and I can't wait for our next road trip lol.
Things are a little crazy here right now. but more on that later.
The financial district
and then the Castro district. We took pictures out of a moving car.
I fell in love with this sign (click picture)
Did you know in the Castro men actually walk around completely naked? I had no freaking idea. And I have no idea how they do not get in trouble for it either.
We had a great time and I can't wait for our next road trip lol.
Things are a little crazy here right now. but more on that later.
Monday, October 4, 2010
San Francisco With Sazy. Part one.
Before I left on my camping trip (and posted a totally misspelled blog lol) I spent the day with Sazy in San Francisco.
I only live about 45 minutes to an hour from San Francisco but it really isn't somewhere I visit. However, on facebook a friend of mine who was visiting the bay area from out of town posted pictures of a set of ruins that neither Sazy or I knew existed. Well of course we had to go!!!
Since the honey was off hunting we had all the time in the world to visit. We hopped in the car and drove up...errr... down...no I think it is up to San Francisco. We stopped at a nice Pho place and had a yummy lunch and then headed off to the ruins of the Sutro Baths.
(little wikipedia here)
In March 14, 1896 the Sutro Baths were opened to the public as the world's largest indoor swimming pool establishment. The Baths were built on the sleepy western side of San Francisco by wealthy entrepreneur and former mayor of San Francisco (1894–1896), Adolph Sutro. The vast glass, iron, wood, and reinforced concrete structure was mostly hidden, and filled a small beach inlet below the Cliff House, also owned by Adolph Sutro at the time. Both the Cliff House and the former Baths site are now a part of the Golden Gate National Recreation Area and operated by the United States National Park Service.
A visitor to the Baths not only had a choice of 7 different swimming pools—one fresh water and six salt water baths ranging in temperatures—but could also visit a museum displaying Sutro's large and varied personal collection of artifacts from his travels, a concert hall, seating for 8,000, and, at one time, an ice skating rink. During high tides, water would flow directly into the pools from the nearby ocean, recycling the 2 million US gallons (7,600 m³) of water in about an hour. During low tides, a powerful turbine water pump, built inside a cave at sea level, could be switched on from a control room and could fill the tanks at a rate of 6,000 US gallons a minute (380 L/s), recycling all the water in five hours.
Well now it is a ruins. Since Sazy and I have a fascination with all things old.... we had to go.
In order to get there though we had to walk down an incredibly steep hill. But the view... my God what a beautiful view!
(Trust me on this people... You MUST click the pictures to get the full effect. YOU MUST. Trust me!!! This will be really important in later pictures.)
The first thing I had to do when I finally got down to the ruins was crawl through this little hole and explore.
The only way into this part of the ruins was the little windows cut out of the stone.
After getting out of the ruins, which was a lot harder then getting in by the way, we headed towards a cave we saw in the side of the mountain.
Stepping into that cave was like stepping into air conditioning. It was sweet bliss after being outside in the heat. As we walked further the tone of the cave changed and you could hear booming and crashing. Turns out there was a place directly in the middle where the water rushed in and out.
The other end of the cave ended in a jumble of rocks and crashing surf.
After walking back through the cave we decided it was time to walk across the top of the ruins to the beach.
Except....I had a problem. A huge monster problem.
I totally thought I would be able to walk across since the pathways were about 2 1/2 to 3 feet wide. But I couldn't.
See I am deathly afraid of heights. DEATHLY! I can't even stand on a chair without being scared out of my mind. I am not sure what the hell made me think I would be able to walk across those ruin tops. It might have been the baby stroller. (yup I will wait while you scroll back up and see what the hell I am talking about.)
But the drop off on both sides was anywhere from 4 feet to 9 feet. I literally took three steps and completely stopped dead. My legs started to shake. My body froze up. I was 100% terrified. I looked at Sazy walking along and felt like a complete ass. I couldn't do it.
Sazy was great about it. Didn't tease me at all. Instead we just started walking AROUND the ruins through a marsh. At one point we came across a blue heron that both of us stared at for quite a while wondering if it was real. Only because the damn thing never moved. It seemed like even it's feathers didn't move in the breeze. Finally it moved its head.
When we finally reached the beach it was a relief. I had to go put my dirty black marsh covered feet in the water.
The view of the ruins was beautiful.
We stopped for a while to admire the ocean.
(here is where it gets REALLY important to click on the pictures lol)
We had a tiny giggle over this mans suit. (obviously you need to click)
As we were sitting there we saw this woman who was sunbathing topless. She had the most perfect ass in this little tiny suit. (seriously click this)
A woman and her husband walked by and her husband stared pretty damn hard at the perfect ass as they walked by. She whacked him good on the arm as they walked farther down the beach.
It was at this time that the woman got up to talk on the phone....only it wasn't a woman.
Sazy and I had a pretty good laugh at our mistake.
Then the woman who had smacked her husband got a gander at the fact that the "woman" was actually a man and had a good laugh at herself. The husband looked horrified LMAO!!!
Doesn't this man have the perfect behind? (Seriously click)
Sazy and I had a long ass hike back up to the truck. I think we both were about dead when we reached it.
I still am pissed off at myself that I could not walk on those ruins. It made me feel stupid that my body.. or is it my mind... had more control over myself then I did. It is embarrassing.
Look for part two tomorrow. I need to finish unpacking.
I only live about 45 minutes to an hour from San Francisco but it really isn't somewhere I visit. However, on facebook a friend of mine who was visiting the bay area from out of town posted pictures of a set of ruins that neither Sazy or I knew existed. Well of course we had to go!!!
Since the honey was off hunting we had all the time in the world to visit. We hopped in the car and drove up...errr... down...no I think it is up to San Francisco. We stopped at a nice Pho place and had a yummy lunch and then headed off to the ruins of the Sutro Baths.
(little wikipedia here)
In March 14, 1896 the Sutro Baths were opened to the public as the world's largest indoor swimming pool establishment. The Baths were built on the sleepy western side of San Francisco by wealthy entrepreneur and former mayor of San Francisco (1894–1896), Adolph Sutro. The vast glass, iron, wood, and reinforced concrete structure was mostly hidden, and filled a small beach inlet below the Cliff House, also owned by Adolph Sutro at the time. Both the Cliff House and the former Baths site are now a part of the Golden Gate National Recreation Area and operated by the United States National Park Service.
A visitor to the Baths not only had a choice of 7 different swimming pools—one fresh water and six salt water baths ranging in temperatures—but could also visit a museum displaying Sutro's large and varied personal collection of artifacts from his travels, a concert hall, seating for 8,000, and, at one time, an ice skating rink. During high tides, water would flow directly into the pools from the nearby ocean, recycling the 2 million US gallons (7,600 m³) of water in about an hour. During low tides, a powerful turbine water pump, built inside a cave at sea level, could be switched on from a control room and could fill the tanks at a rate of 6,000 US gallons a minute (380 L/s), recycling all the water in five hours.
Well now it is a ruins. Since Sazy and I have a fascination with all things old.... we had to go.
In order to get there though we had to walk down an incredibly steep hill. But the view... my God what a beautiful view!
(Trust me on this people... You MUST click the pictures to get the full effect. YOU MUST. Trust me!!! This will be really important in later pictures.)
The first thing I had to do when I finally got down to the ruins was crawl through this little hole and explore.
The only way into this part of the ruins was the little windows cut out of the stone.
After getting out of the ruins, which was a lot harder then getting in by the way, we headed towards a cave we saw in the side of the mountain.
Stepping into that cave was like stepping into air conditioning. It was sweet bliss after being outside in the heat. As we walked further the tone of the cave changed and you could hear booming and crashing. Turns out there was a place directly in the middle where the water rushed in and out.
The other end of the cave ended in a jumble of rocks and crashing surf.
After walking back through the cave we decided it was time to walk across the top of the ruins to the beach.
Except....I had a problem. A huge monster problem.
I totally thought I would be able to walk across since the pathways were about 2 1/2 to 3 feet wide. But I couldn't.
See I am deathly afraid of heights. DEATHLY! I can't even stand on a chair without being scared out of my mind. I am not sure what the hell made me think I would be able to walk across those ruin tops. It might have been the baby stroller. (yup I will wait while you scroll back up and see what the hell I am talking about.)
But the drop off on both sides was anywhere from 4 feet to 9 feet. I literally took three steps and completely stopped dead. My legs started to shake. My body froze up. I was 100% terrified. I looked at Sazy walking along and felt like a complete ass. I couldn't do it.
Sazy was great about it. Didn't tease me at all. Instead we just started walking AROUND the ruins through a marsh. At one point we came across a blue heron that both of us stared at for quite a while wondering if it was real. Only because the damn thing never moved. It seemed like even it's feathers didn't move in the breeze. Finally it moved its head.
When we finally reached the beach it was a relief. I had to go put my dirty black marsh covered feet in the water.
The view of the ruins was beautiful.
We stopped for a while to admire the ocean.
(here is where it gets REALLY important to click on the pictures lol)
We had a tiny giggle over this mans suit. (obviously you need to click)
As we were sitting there we saw this woman who was sunbathing topless. She had the most perfect ass in this little tiny suit. (seriously click this)
A woman and her husband walked by and her husband stared pretty damn hard at the perfect ass as they walked by. She whacked him good on the arm as they walked farther down the beach.
It was at this time that the woman got up to talk on the phone....only it wasn't a woman.
Sazy and I had a pretty good laugh at our mistake.
Then the woman who had smacked her husband got a gander at the fact that the "woman" was actually a man and had a good laugh at herself. The husband looked horrified LMAO!!!
Doesn't this man have the perfect behind? (Seriously click)
Sazy and I had a long ass hike back up to the truck. I think we both were about dead when we reached it.
I still am pissed off at myself that I could not walk on those ruins. It made me feel stupid that my body.. or is it my mind... had more control over myself then I did. It is embarrassing.
Look for part two tomorrow. I need to finish unpacking.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Things I would do if I was single
Being in a long term relationship means compromise. Little things and big things. But you decide it will be worth it in the long run. But that doesn't mean after 20 years of dating the same man I don't have this woman inside of me that screams from time to time.
Sometimes you begin to wonder if you have compromised to much. If you have lost yourself.
Sometimes that woman inside you makes you feel as though your skin is to tight and your sanity is not quite right. She whispers about all the things you are missing out on. Things you normally don't miss but with that bitchy you bitching at you, you begin to wonder.
So... Here is an ode to that damn screaming woman inside of me.
If I were single I would....
Burn scented candles in the house. Hell I would even burn incense. This is something I can't do because the honey has asthma. I miss the scents flowing through my house. The calming of Lavender. The brightness of melon.
Get a second tattoo. In fact I all ready know exactly what it would be. In fact I have known for years what it would be. But... the honey hates them. HATES them. In fact he wanted me to get rid of the one I have. Sorry.
Get another kitten. I know I have a lot of cats now but they are all getting pretty up there in age. And the fact that they are all around the same age freaks me out a bit. That means they will all generally probably go around the same time. Having a younger one would mean I would have a companion that will be around longer.
Stay somewhere unique by myself. It seems that every time I go somewhere I am either with someone, visiting someone or staying with someone. I would love to just be by myself for a day or two. With no one to meet or errands to do. Just wandering by myself. The honey is very ummm protective and feels that a woman alone is just asking for someone to hurt her. I can understand this from him. But that doesn't make it any easier on my mental state. Sometimes you just want to be alone.
Not cook. Maybe for a week. Live off sandwiches or fruit or chips and dip. Not have to make meals that include three things. Meat, veggies and starch. I honestly believe that if I wasn't dating the honey I would lose weight rapidly. I don't need to eat a full dinner. Sometimes I don't want one but he is hungry so I make it and eat it. I don't want to feel like I HAVE to cook. That is how I feel now.
Walk around the house naked. The honey is so sure that all the neighbors (or weirdos) are looking through the windows that are closed. So we MUST wear clothes in the house. There are times when I would just like to walk to the kitchen and grab something to drink without having to get dressed.
Stay up late late late. Doing what ever I want. See the honey gets up at oh dark thirty to go to work. Then he comes home and wants to go to bed early. Well that would be fine except he has this weird thing. He can't go to sleep unless I am in the bed. That means I have to go to bed early. There are times I hate this. I would love to be able to play on the internet or watch movies or what ever I want to do until late. If he falls asleep while I am watching tv I can watch for as long as I want unless he wakes up. Then it is lights out and tv off. I can't tell you the number of times I have laid there staring at the ceiling.
Go to sleep in a messy bed. For some reason he can't sleep unless the bed is made. I long to just climb in that messy bed without having to make it first.
Eat fast food for dinner. The only time I can eat fast food is if I am with Sazy or by myself. The honey does not eat fast food but VERY rarely. I find myself thinking wouldn't it be nice if I could just eat a hamburger for dinner that I didn't have to cook myself.
There are so many more things that I may tell you at a later date. But... gotta go clean my shower. OH JOY
Sometimes you begin to wonder if you have compromised to much. If you have lost yourself.
Sometimes that woman inside you makes you feel as though your skin is to tight and your sanity is not quite right. She whispers about all the things you are missing out on. Things you normally don't miss but with that bitchy you bitching at you, you begin to wonder.
So... Here is an ode to that damn screaming woman inside of me.
If I were single I would....
Burn scented candles in the house. Hell I would even burn incense. This is something I can't do because the honey has asthma. I miss the scents flowing through my house. The calming of Lavender. The brightness of melon.
Get a second tattoo. In fact I all ready know exactly what it would be. In fact I have known for years what it would be. But... the honey hates them. HATES them. In fact he wanted me to get rid of the one I have. Sorry.
Get another kitten. I know I have a lot of cats now but they are all getting pretty up there in age. And the fact that they are all around the same age freaks me out a bit. That means they will all generally probably go around the same time. Having a younger one would mean I would have a companion that will be around longer.
Stay somewhere unique by myself. It seems that every time I go somewhere I am either with someone, visiting someone or staying with someone. I would love to just be by myself for a day or two. With no one to meet or errands to do. Just wandering by myself. The honey is very ummm protective and feels that a woman alone is just asking for someone to hurt her. I can understand this from him. But that doesn't make it any easier on my mental state. Sometimes you just want to be alone.
Not cook. Maybe for a week. Live off sandwiches or fruit or chips and dip. Not have to make meals that include three things. Meat, veggies and starch. I honestly believe that if I wasn't dating the honey I would lose weight rapidly. I don't need to eat a full dinner. Sometimes I don't want one but he is hungry so I make it and eat it. I don't want to feel like I HAVE to cook. That is how I feel now.
Walk around the house naked. The honey is so sure that all the neighbors (or weirdos) are looking through the windows that are closed. So we MUST wear clothes in the house. There are times when I would just like to walk to the kitchen and grab something to drink without having to get dressed.
Stay up late late late. Doing what ever I want. See the honey gets up at oh dark thirty to go to work. Then he comes home and wants to go to bed early. Well that would be fine except he has this weird thing. He can't go to sleep unless I am in the bed. That means I have to go to bed early. There are times I hate this. I would love to be able to play on the internet or watch movies or what ever I want to do until late. If he falls asleep while I am watching tv I can watch for as long as I want unless he wakes up. Then it is lights out and tv off. I can't tell you the number of times I have laid there staring at the ceiling.
Go to sleep in a messy bed. For some reason he can't sleep unless the bed is made. I long to just climb in that messy bed without having to make it first.
Eat fast food for dinner. The only time I can eat fast food is if I am with Sazy or by myself. The honey does not eat fast food but VERY rarely. I find myself thinking wouldn't it be nice if I could just eat a hamburger for dinner that I didn't have to cook myself.
There are so many more things that I may tell you at a later date. But... gotta go clean my shower. OH JOY
Friday, September 17, 2010
Just because I am a woman doesn't mean I am Martha Stewart
Seriously! Personally I would like to kick Martha Stewart's ass for being herself. For making people think that we should all be like her.
Hold down a job. Make our own wrapping paper. Cook like a dream. Have a perfect house.
Hello!!!! I am a real girl not a machine.
I don't have servants. I don't have the money she has. I AM NOT PERFECT.
I don't want to do this like my newest woman's day magazine wants me to.....
First off I hate candy corns. Secondly who the hell has time to glue all those nasty things into a wreath.
And the things they want me to make for fall. Come on! Seriously WTF
That looks fun to make right? Sure, let me run out and buy myself a pumpkin. NOT
My table will never look like this.
And because it will never look like that in some peoples eyes I will have failed at being a woman.
My food will never look like this.
or this
But you know what? It may not be pretty but it is going to taste damn good.
My house will never look like this....
But it is a home. A home where you aren't scared to put your feet up or set a glass down or hell even walk across the carpet.
This doesn't mean I have failed as a woman. It doesn't mean I am not perfect as I am. (far from perfect but that is a whole other post lol)
I am not Martha Stewart. I will never be Martha Stewart. My magazines will not turn me into her either. I am a woman who is unique, quirky and a little off. So I can't grab some leaves and a pumpkin and whip out a centerpiece. I don't want to. I would rather read a good horror novel!
Hold down a job. Make our own wrapping paper. Cook like a dream. Have a perfect house.
Hello!!!! I am a real girl not a machine.
I don't have servants. I don't have the money she has. I AM NOT PERFECT.
I don't want to do this like my newest woman's day magazine wants me to.....
First off I hate candy corns. Secondly who the hell has time to glue all those nasty things into a wreath.
And the things they want me to make for fall. Come on! Seriously WTF
That looks fun to make right? Sure, let me run out and buy myself a pumpkin. NOT
My table will never look like this.
And because it will never look like that in some peoples eyes I will have failed at being a woman.
My food will never look like this.
or this
But you know what? It may not be pretty but it is going to taste damn good.
My house will never look like this....
But it is a home. A home where you aren't scared to put your feet up or set a glass down or hell even walk across the carpet.
This doesn't mean I have failed as a woman. It doesn't mean I am not perfect as I am. (far from perfect but that is a whole other post lol)
I am not Martha Stewart. I will never be Martha Stewart. My magazines will not turn me into her either. I am a woman who is unique, quirky and a little off. So I can't grab some leaves and a pumpkin and whip out a centerpiece. I don't want to. I would rather read a good horror novel!
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