What is up with me lately?

Well let's see. Yesterday I went to a interview for Safeway. Now don't get all excited it wasn't a single interview it was a cattle call. Fill out the application on line and then go to a place between 10am and 1pm. So I filled out the application and drove myself to the location I was suppose to go to. And that my friends is what you call a complete and utter clusterfuck. I pull up into the parking lot and see a line of about 100 people all with umbrellas standing in the rain waiting their turn. I think oh... not so horrible so I go to find a parking spot. As I go around the corner I see that the line is actually wrapped around the building. About 500 people if not more. So I get out and go stand. In about 10 minutes I am soaked to the bone. So I said fuck it and came home. I am pretty sure they don't hire drowned rats with runny mascara.
I probably would have stayed if I had a umbrella. Although my chance of getting a job out of 48 openings with 500+ people standing there was probably nill.
I have been applying at things that in the past I would have laughed at even thinking about. Home Depot, Safeway, auto body shops, Target, Orchard Supply... you get the picture. I have been asking anywhere I go if they are hiring. The sad thing is not one of them has called me. Even the bottom of my barrel don't want me. And for some reason I am almost amused.
See I have learned a few things since I have been unemployed. The number one thing is pride is nothing. Pride in what you can do doesn't mean a damn thing if you don't have a job. And let me tell you something I was full of pride. I was that stupid person who said no matter what with my multiple skills I will get a job anywhere. HA. How the mighty have fallen.
I may have actually needed that though. I was cocky.
Ok lesson learned so can I get a job now LMAO!!
ahem...
There is a lot more I have learned too. Depression SUCKS. It is a creepy mean little thing that grabs you by the short hairs and takes control. But it is slow... slow and steady so you almost don't even see it until you are almost at rock bottom. Until nothing interests you anymore. Until you can't remember the last time you washed your hair. Until you start boo hooing just looking at the job boards. Then it is to late. You are caught. I have to wonder how many other people are there with me.
The medicine I have been taking since Saturday is different. I know at all points in time that I am on medication. I have never taken a medicine that made me feel that way. It makes me dizzy now and again. And it makes me feel like I might make some social faux pas at any time. It is getting better slightly though as time goes on.
But I also see promise in it. I have caught myself humming twice while cleaning. I can't remember the last time I did that. I actually looked in the mirror yesterday and thought wow you look like a slob. Another thing I haven't done in a while. And the fact that it is an outfit I have been wearing fairly often says something.
I am noticing the dirt in my house. I have no idea how I didn't see it before as it is pretty blatant. So the pills are doing something good I guess.
AND look two blog posts in a week. A record lately lol. I have to go to the store now so more later.

Let's see if meds help

I am not sure if you remember previous blog posts where I explained that during pms I become some other person. That it was never normal. My good buddy Sazy pretty much told me I was having to many symptoms for normal pms and gave me a link for PMDD. Think Pms times twenty. After some pushing from her (and a pretty hairy anger episode) I decided to go ahead and go to the doctor.
Problem was I got a man who didn't understand a word I was saying and even said "oh you poor thing" when I told him I had actually gone into the bathroom to get away from the cat. I was going to just give up but Sazy pushed me lol.
So I went. What a difference a doctor makes. This one did the regular pap exam and then we sat and chatted about my issues. She listened to what I had to say and asked a bunch of questions. Then she gave me three options. She dismissed option number 2 because I smoke (birth control pills)
That left getting a implant to remove my period all together (or a different option to remove it) or going on Zoloft for Pmdd. Which is what she says I have.
I asked her which would be the best. She told me to try the zoloft for a month at which point we will do a phone appointment to see if it helped. If it did then I will take it for another two months to see if it continues to help. If this option works I will keep up with the zoloft for my pmdd.
If this option doesn't work then we will have to see about ending my periods. But as of this point I don't need to worry about that for at least a month.
If my pap comes out correct I won't need the cone biopsy. If it comes out bad then I do. Another thing not to worry about until I get the test results back.
I have to go to a therapist once two weeks from now so that they can determine if the zoloft has made me suicidal or nutso I guess. then no more of that. She said it was mandatory for this prescription for pmdd.
So as of right now I am doing a bit of research on zoloft and pmdd and I have to say it looks promising. I am completely shocked at these women's descriptions of another person taking over their body during this time because that is exactly how I feel. They also come back and write how this medication is a god send. But I will do more research just for my own piece of mind.
They say the first few days I will get dizzy and headachey but that it goes away fairly quickly.
Zoloft is also a anti depressant also so I am hopeful that it will help with the feelings that seem to have taken over me lately. I came home with the meds and immediately freaked out over the thought of taking "mind drugs". Like it made me less of a person or something stupid like that. Not reality but what I felt. But as my buddy Sazy said to me when I got scared and pretty much had talked myself out of taking the medication...Look at your blog, I am pretty sure you are clinically depressed. And the honey told me it is just for a month at first. If you don't like it stop.
So Saturday I started taking the meds. Sunday I got dizzy a bit and today I woke up with dilated pupils and a fuzzy feeling. All things that are to be expected during the first week. As of right now I am not sure that this medication is the best thing but it is something right?
I feel like...like... I failed in some strange way lol.
See I am now officially a crazy person. (I know I am not but that is how I see it in my head)

Alive. Not happy but alive

At what point do you just give up? I am pretty much ready to reach that. But then again I can't give up.
I have gone through every emotion known to mankind. Anger, hope, excitement blah blah freaking blah.
To be honest I have no idea who I even am anymore. I look in the mirror and think my god what happened to me. Everything that I had an interest in I really don't have an interest in anymore.
Ah crap here goes another stupid poor me post. I just can't do that anymore. I don't want pity. I don't want people to hear blah blah blah in their head. I guess I am just not quite ready to post again yet.
sorry.

I don't know what else to talk about

I feel like I am freaking out. I have gone through every emotion possible since I lost my job. Grief, sadness, hope, anger, depression, hopelessness. I apply every day. Multiple times a day. Nobody is biting. I am applying for things I am not qualified for, things I am qualified for and things I am over qualified for. Hell I am pretty much applying for anything that even sounds remotely like I could do it. Nothing. NOTHING.
I am going on two years of unemployment at the end of July. I thought about schooling but it is like my brain shuts down and for the life of me I can't find anything remotely interesting. (Minus pastry but that would cost me almost $40,000... hello unemployed) I have no idea how I would even go about schooling.
I just don't have the energy for anything. I don't have any drive left inside of me. I apply because I have to but I have gotten to the point where I sure in the hell don't expect to hear back from anyone.
I applied for a job that was almost word for word my last position. I thought that job would at least call me. NOTHING.
I am flat out done. I have no idea what more I can do. I am scared and hurt. Yes hurt which is stupid but I worked so damn hard to get the skills I have and then to have no one want them? UGH.
Most of my friends and family do not understand why I don't have a job yet. Even the honey doesn't understand. There have been tons and tons of comments about how I must not even be trying to get a job. Those comments cut deep. The settle on my soul and make me feel worse then I all ready do. I don't understand why people don't understand that I don't want this. That it makes me feel like less of a person. That each comment they make hurts and drags me down deeper into this damn depression that I can't claw myself out of. It was even a conversation during a Christmas party where everyone laughed and said I just wanted to be a housewife and started teasing the honey. I was mortified.
I am tired of watching every penny I have. I am tired of needing help sometimes with the groceries or bills. I have no fucking pride left. I hate this so much.
I am embarrassed about not having a job. So embarrassed. So fucking embarrassed.
I wish to God that this was over all ready. It has to end right? Right?

I think I am losing my mind.

Hello all

I just haven't been in the right place to blog lately. Hell I am not in the right place to do anything lately. I got to the point where I started to think they don't want to hear me bitch about not having a job anymore but I don't know what else to talk about.
I am just plain frustrated with my situation. I really got a shock the other day as I was tweeking my resume to apply for a job and looked down at the date I left my last job. 2009. Fuck.
That threw me into some kind of tailspin that I haven't been able to get out of. I suck. Sigh.
I have skills. I want to work. Why in the hell can't I find work. And of course the longer I am off the less people are going to want to hire me. It is horrid.

Anywhoooo I just wanted to say I am alive and here still.

Family does some strange strange things.

Saturday I went to the annual Christmas party the honey's family holds. While there things got a little strange in the middle of all the fun I was having.
So the honey's brother and his long term girlfriend Diane (almost as long as me and the honey) show up at the Christmas party from Nevada with her daughter and her husband. I am talking to Diane after the hugging and helloing and she holds out her hand and says look at what Tom bought me. There is a sparkly on her hand. An antique type ring. I said wow that is pretty. She goes on to tell me that they were in a antique store and he bought it for her and asked her to marry him.
Now I went into shock because Tom is a hard core bachelor. He was burned hard when he was young and married and it led to a divorce. Ever since then he has been a never in this lifetime am I going to be married type of guy. (he is now in his 60's) So it was a big surprise. I hug her and she goes off to show the rest of the family the ring and tell them they are engaged. I was seriously blown away. So in fact was everyone in the entire family.
About 2 glasses of wine later (for me) I run into her daughter who must be on her 10th beer lol. She grabs me by the arm and drags me into the other room and says you know that whole story is not real right? I look at her and say what story. She says the engagement story. I pretty much say WTF are you talking about. She tells me that Diane is worried that because she has never seen Toms will that the house that they paid for and all the other stuff will go to someone else besides her. Even though Tom has told her repeatedly that she is his sole beneficiary. So in order to firm up in her mind that the family won't try to step in and take what is hers she came up with this idea of an engagement.
Now I am really sitting there with my mind blown. I am thinking WTF. How did she even get Tom to go along with this? Did Tom even know she was going to do this? How could she not be honest with me when I am pretty much the only one in the family who really is close to her? I mean hell I have spent many days and nights with her.
The daughter then makes me promise not to say anything to anyone. Then Diane walks over after my next 1/2 glass of wine and says Melissa told me she told you. I just looked at her because I didn't know what to say. She then proceeds to tell me not to tell anyone anything at all at which point we are interrupted by a group of people and I hadn't said one word to her about it. Honestly I had no idea what to say. I mean that is a big ummm ruse to pull over on an entire family at a Christmas party.
A couple of hours go by and I am sitting on the floor talking to the honey's nephew's girlfriend Bailey. I see Diane and Melissa on the other side of the hallway and hear Diane say to Melissa that she had asked Tom what he thought about what was going on and wiggled her ring at him and he said well maybe we will have to make it happen. At which point Melissa gets all freaking giggly and happy and starts hugging Diane and telling her this is the greatest news ever and she will help pay for it. Then they walked off.
So here I am now in a very strange position. Everyone including the honey thinks Tom and Diane are engaged. Everyone but me who knows the truth. (although I am curious if Tom knew she was going to do that because let me tell you he is not the type to do that.)
So here it is days later and I am still confused. I mean really I could maybe understand doing that to your friends but your family?

ACK

Between being horribly sick and trying my darndest to catch up with all Christmas stuff I haven't been on here in a while. I read you guys but then rush back to buying, wrapping, job hunting, hacking, cooking and cleaning. I am happy to say I am almost done with Christmas shopping. I have 4 more gifts to get and I am done.
I haven't baked one single cookie though. I haven't sent out Christmas cards either. So even after being busy as hell I am still failing lol.
I just finished boiling 3 dozen eggs for the deviled eggs I need to make for a party tomorrow night. I need to pick up yet another shrimp platter for that same party and wrap two gifts for the gift exchange.
I did buy myself a nice pink sweater for it though. Totally cheap. Cause... yes I am broke lol Thank goodness the honey gave me some money for gifts!
On the 23rd I will be going to grandmas. I have to cook. That house is going to be packed!! I am a bit worried that the turkey she bought is going to be to small. We had extras say they were coming AFTER we bought the turkey. I should be home on the 27th. I will be in the casino gambling with other peoples money on my birthday though WOOT!!!
Ok. I have to go wash out the giant ice chest because the honey's brother is coming to pick it up for the party tomorrow. Which reminds me I need to get the beer out of my truck and stick it in there also.
Talk soon I hope :)

Tonight I am doing something I never thought possible

Tonight I am going to see the Wall Live!!!!! See growing up there has been one constant in my life and that was my love for the band Pink Floyd. When I was younger I painted pictures from the wall and put them up in my room. Almost every phase of my life has their music as a backdrop. I have seen them live and I have seen them live broken up. I have seen Roger Waters. But I have never seen the wall. I never thought it would be something I could see since the original production was a extravagant money pit and only performed at 4 cities in the states.
But tonight.... tonight I am going to go see Roger Waters perform the wall live. It is going to be a full scale visual fantasy for me. He is actually going to build the wall. Build it and destroy it. WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LOOK!


I haven't looked at to many videos but I have peeked at a enough to know that tonight everything I hoped for in this concert is going to happen.
I just wish my sickness was all the way gone. I figure my stuffed up ears won't matter since it is going to be loud lol.

Something interesting I found

I want you to watch this. It is funny. It is haunting. The first minute and a half blow me away for some reason. I can't stop watching it.


See what I mean?

Anywhoooo... still sick but feeling a tad bit better. Talk to you all soon.

UGH sick

I have been sick for days now. I wanted to let you all know I haven't died or anything like that. Just progressively getting worse sick wise.
Day one was the shivers and freezing to death (fever)
Day two was aches and sleeping all day long along with day one stuff
Day three was the beginning of a snot factory in my nose along with day one and two stuff.
Day four... wow is it only day four... add in sore throat and stuffy ears to all the other symptoms.
This sucks. I have taken so much medicine I can't remember stuff like if I put water in the Christmas tree or not.
I am going to take my stuffed up stupid nose and check if I have to go check in for Jury duty because of course I have it this week.
*sprays Lysol all over post so people don't get sick like me

Zooooooooooooooooooooommmmmmmmmmm

That is what this year is doing. My god is it going fast! Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I haven't posted on my blog for over a week. Soon Christmas will be here. And I still have no job.
I figure that won't happen until after Christmas anyway so no stressing about it. Lord knows I am going to stress about Christmas, Thanksgiving and gift giving and shopping so I don't need to add anymore.
Day before yesterday I bought some new cleaner to clean my shower. We have hard water and a thick film of white that will not go away. I have used comet, vinegar, 409, scrubbing bubbles. Pretty much everything. Well someone mentioned Kaboom. How it was a wonder worker. I thought ok. fine. Nothing else makes a damn dent in that white soap scum/hard water mixture I will try it. So I bought some.
And I used it. I sprayed and sprayed and waited the time I was suppose to. Then armed with my bucket of hot water and a sponge I started scrubbing. My eyes were stinging. I could feel my throat and nose getting coated with that chemical smell/taste. And the damn shit didn't work. I felt like crying. I walked around with that stupid burnt feeling in my mouth and nose all day.
That night I went to bed and at 1:30 am I woke up feeling horrible. I spent until 3:45 am running back and forth to the bathroom feeling like I was going to throw up. I never did. Although I had a few drool fests lol.
The next day I still felt horrible. I totally was having some reaction to the stupid cleaner. Today though... much better!
Needless to say that cleaner is going into the garbage. I am not in the mood for another night of staring into my toilet bowl. Which I need to clean blick.

We made the decision to go to the honey's nephews for Thanksgiving. I asked them what I should bring and they told me a shrimp cocktail platter.
What? Seriously?
They totally gave me something that I have no idea how to make. Had no idea people ate this for Thanksgiving. I ordered one over the phone from Safeway. I thought I was good. I had told the lady what I wanted. Told her how many people. Blah blah blah.
Then the honey notched up the fear factor. Are you sure you are getting the prawns and not those tiny shrimp? (ummm no I was assuming)
How many shrimp per person is that? (ummm I didn't ask that)
Exactly how big is the platter? (ummm I have no idea I told her what I wanted)
So today I need to haul my ass over to Safeway and talk face to face with the seafood lady. Why the hell couldn't they have asked me to bring something like deviled eggs!
Well, I have to go to the store. Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.

The new hair and Walking dead.

So without any further blah blah blah... here is my new hair.



The first time I dyed it I looked just like the cat I am holding.
And no I am not so spread out on the bottom as I look in that picture I am actually sitting on a fence. I should have cut that part off lol.
It was a shock to have such dark hair the first two days. But now I like it a lot!


Are you watching The Walking Dead? Well are you? If you aren't you are missing out on a seriously excellent show.

Here are a few of my thoughts about this episode lol
I think they are in trouble with Merle. He is not going to be a happy camper that he had to cut off his own hand. I don't think the fact that they tried to go save him is going to change that in any way either. His brother is a loose cannon too.

The whole scene where Rick is reunited with his family was nice. Shane is going to have issues with this farther down the road. He is the alpha male of the group and his position is about to change. He is going to lose his kingdom, his makeshift family and anything else that he thought he had to Rick. Somehow I don't think he is going to take that well in the future.

I can totally understand him telling Laurie that Rick was dead. He goes to the hospital and it is overrun with zombies (why in the hell are they calling them geeks?) He knows that Rick was in a coma. I probably would have assumed he died in there too.

The "campers" need a better defense then cans on a string to alert them to zombie attack. They have picked a ok area but man they need to start thinking defensible space. They need to clear a larger area. They need to plan out multiple escape routes. They need to start carving weapons. They are sitting ducks right now. They need foraging teams. People they would send in small groups of maybe three at a time, to go gather supplies they needed like the radiator hose. They should be collecting all the canned food they can.
They know Atlanta is overrun. But there will be random houses here and there. Instead they are just sitting and waiting to run out of food.
They need to stop driving to get water. Walk. Quiet is key here.
The women need to be trained to kill. There is no way in hell I am going to just sit there washing clothes when my life is on the line.
They need to learn to kill silently. The cut off the head/shoot it with a arrow through the brain was nice and tidy... minus all the noise they made in trying to kill him.
They just don't seem to care about the fluids that are flying around either. Watch out people or you will find yourself infected.

The hair dye disaster

Oh boy was it ever a disaster. See, I had these two strips of grey that didn't bother me then really bothered me. So today I bought some hair dye. Medium brown. Well..... I ended up a calico.

My hair was completely and totally screwed up. Bad. BAD BAD BAD. It was red and brown and blond and stupid looking.
So I ran and bought some new hair dye to fix it.
Tomorrow Sazy is going to take a picture and I will show you what happened next.
Let's just say in my lifetime I have NEVER had this dark of hair.
Holy Crap.

What to do?

I am having a bit of a mental dilemma regarding Thanksgiving. Do I go to grandmas like normal or do I stay home and go to the honey's nephews.
I know what I want to to which is go to grandma's but honestly I want to be fair too. The honey would like to go duck hunting for the first time this season the Saturday after. He has worked every Saturday so this would be his first opportunity to do one of his favorite things and he actually really deserves to be able to go. He is working so damn hard. He is leaving the choice up to me.

So here are the choices.

Drive up to grandmas after the honey gets off work on Wednesday. A 3 1/2 hour trip one one.
See grandma has slowly but surely handed over the cooking to me. I am the holiday cook. My entire family on that side comes over and we feast. We talk and play card games. This year one of my cousins is actually going to deep fry a turkey so I wouldn't have to cook that. I am not sure who would do the rest of the cooking if it wasn't me.
I would want to stay and go see the Harry Potter movie with my grandmother since it is kind of a tradition also. But I would feel the need to leave the day after Thanksgiving in order to give the honey the opportunity to go duck hunting. So that would mean no movie.

The other choice is staying home and going to Thanksgiving at his nephews house. This is the first time they have ever done a holiday gathering. This is our first invitation to something like this from them. The honey doesn't spend a lot of time with his side of the family so this would be nice for him. He would also be able to go duck hunting that Saturday and possibly that Friday too. Something he really wants to do. It would also mean he didn't have to drive 3 1/2 hours after work and then 3 1/2 hours home the day before hunting.

My inner want is grandma. But like I said I want to be fair. I also don't want us to separate this Thanksgiving because it really looks like that might happen on Christmas. The decision should be easy. Let the honey stay home so he can have some much needed down time from his job. He has been working weekends for months now. I feel selfish for wanting to spend time with my family. I am completely torn. HELP!

The Walking Dead and me

Are you guys watching this new series? It just started last week. This show is excellent. Here is the website. You can watch the first episode online.
http://www.amctv.com/originals/The-Walking-Dead/
The second episode should be up sometime soon.
I am a horror lover. I read and watch a ton of horror. So the first episode had to be good in order to keep my attention. The first 5 minutes almost had me turning it off but I am so damn glad I didn't. After that it was a no holds barred zombie lovefest. The writers did a excellent job of keeping my attention and building tension.
This is not for the faint of heart. Although the first show didn't have tons of zombies it brought us into that world. The second show more then made up for the seemingly small lack in the first show.
This is hands down my new favorite show on tv. WOOT ZOMBIES!!!!!
I cannot wait until next Sunday. :)

I know that it must be hard to try and make an original zombie show. After all how do you make something that has been around for years and years seem fresh. They are doing it by making it all about the characters. I am sooo happy I stumbled (HA!) on this show. I hope some of you are watching it too.




I haven't heard back from the job. Guess I didn't get invited to the second round of interviews. I hadn't realized how much I had wanted to hear back until I spiraled down into a blue funk.
But you know what. I give up. No really. I give up. I will continue to apply but I don't care anymore. If they call me good. But if they don't.. well screw it. I can't allow myself to get so damn depressed like that. It is horrible. So I don't care anymore. Yes I want a job. Yes I need a job. Yes I will continue to look hard for a job. But I am not allowing myself hope anymore. If I don't hope then I won't fall if I do. I am tired of falling.

Mood swings are oh so much fun

Not!
I am driving myself crazy. I had a complete meltdown yesterday. One of those types where you lay in bed at night and wonder if you actually should be on some kind of medication. The honey keeps telling me I am depressed. Well hello! I know I am depressed.
How do I know this. Well lets take a look at a few signs shall we?
1. I never left the house without make up. Ever. If I did on a very very very rare occasion I would be mortified that someone might see me. Now? I can't remember the last time I put make up on. Well minus the interview I went on. I no longer care. Really who gives a flying fuck. Where do I go? And if I do go somewhere who cares.
This is NOT normal for me. I know this.
2. In this household I live with a germ guy. This means a shower in the morning and a shower at night. Every day. (sometimes more if he feels like it) I am suppose to follow suit. In fact I did. It didn't bother me. I liked it. Well that shower in the morning thing? Totally stopped on the days he goes to work. In fact it is a damn effort just to brush my hair some days.
3. Yesterday I noticed a patch of grey in my hair. About a half inch wide. Did I lose my mind like normal and run out to buy some hair dye? Nope. Would I have in the past? Yup, in fact as soon as I saw the first hint of returning grey I would have all ready had the dye in my hair.
4. A lot of my pants are capris. This means you shave your legs at least from the knee down in order to wear them right? Well... not anymore. In fact I am wearing some right now with my not combed hair and the hair on my legs is probably a 1/4 inch long. I don't care. I will go outside like this and not care. That is NOT normal.
5. I just can't seem to get interested in anything anymore. Things that normally interest me don't. I am just so tired. So freaking tired.

I really need to shake myself out of this funk. (and yes there is a much much longer list) I feel like some kind of damn pansy ass who can't handle her reality. I am from much stronger stock then that. My family would kick my ass if they could see me now. And I really don't care LOL Ahem.
Depression sucks. I want to shake myself and wake up. I can just imagine what fun I am with the honey.
A online friend of mine yesterday made the suggestion that I should go volunteer somewhere. That it will make me feel useful again. It was a really really nice and wonderful suggestion. But instead of making me feel like it was a really nice and wonderful suggestion I got defensive and semi irritated. Which is completely stupid and a totally non rational reaction to that statement. I felt like an asshole for my own feelings.
See mood swings. STUPID!!!!

anyhoooo... in other news the job I interviewed for.. still haven't heard anything. I even sent them a thank you note. oh well.

Halloween my way

I thought I would share a couple pictures from Halloween. (and no I haven't heard from that job yet :( ) And yes you may need to click the pictures lol

No news yet and other random crap

Well I haven't heard anything yet about the job. But they did say it would be one to two weeks. It is so hard to find a balance between hope and what tends to be reality lately.
You don't want to get your hopes up to far because after falling so many times it is not a good idea. So I just wait. With a little hope. Not to much but a little.




So my boobs are at the point where just putting on a bra hurts right? I go to Costco and they have those giant carts where the handle is exactly at boob height. I didn't see the 2x4 sticking out and the cart hit it and stopped causing me to smash my boobs on the handle. I actually cried four tears before I was able to get myself under control. It really sucked.



I had an absolute meltdown last night. It was a combo money/stress/no job/boo hoo pity party which I had absolutely no idea was going to happen. One minute I was chatting all la la la la and then my voice cracked and tears spit out my eyes. I threw my hand over my mouth pretty much in horror and embarrassment. Seriously I had no idea I was about to turn into some blubbering baby.
I have this fear of never finding a job, running out of money and having to be dependent on the honey. I DO NOT want that to happen. It is my own personal issue but there it is.
Growing up as a child I had to depend on others. Government cheese, welfare, food stamps and handouts. (although the giant blocks of cheese were damn yummy.... but then again maybe I was just hungry LMAO) As I got older I promised myself I would never ever be in that position again. I know it is not exactly the same thing but in my head it kind of feels like it. I don't want to be a charity case!!


My house is decorated totally Halloweeny. <--not a word and I don't care lol
I got giant spiders on the fence. Tombstones on the lawn with skeleton pieces. Stuff stuck on the windows. When Sazy comes over to watch Ghost Hunters live on Halloween I will have her take a picture for you guys.



Here is something that scares the crap out of me every time I hear it.

It makes the hair stand up on my neck and completely just changes my view of the world around me. I don't know what it is about that piece of music but it makes me shaky.


And here is my favorite horror movie "monster" of all time.

He had a way of getting under my skin.

Well I have to go make some yummy meatballs and then read some blogs I am behind on. Talk to you all later

Interview went well

So I got in there early (I like to arrive 10 minutes early) and they took me right in. After all the chatting and discussing of the job and the duties all I could think was my god it is like they took everything I like to do and turned it into my dream job. I mean seriously the job sounds awsome. Everything they want I can do. Everything they needed I was trained in. It was like a neon sign blinked Jody's Job Jody's job.
Now we can only hope the other 9 people in the first round of interviews suck and they call me back for a second interview within the next two weeks.

Yes they are interviewing a minimum of 10 people in the first round. Sigh

I will be bummed if I don't at least get a second interview lol

Today is my interview

This morning I got a call from the place I am interviewing at to verify my interview and probably completely blew it but I told her I had to admit something completely embarrassing and that I looked everywhere and couldn't find the ad.

So she sent it to me. ummm... WTF was I thinking. I don't have quite a bit of these skills.
Office manager/ Bookkeeper needed for small office in Morgan Hill.
Ideal candidate will have 3-5 years of bookkeeping & customer service experience. Requires the skill to multi-task, prioritize and work independently. Excellent verbal and written communication skills are a must. Advanced knowledge of Microsoft Office applications and Quickbooks are necessary. Intermediate level IT skills helpful for managing computer hardware & software including high end printers and networked environment. Must be fast learner with the ability to handle all aspects of office management from clerical /receptionist duties to Accounts Payable and Receivables including supporting Company Executives with project based work with minimal direction or supervision.
Pay depending on experience, no benefits available at this time.
Ok so I have a bit of the stuff. Just no IT and very light quickbooks. When I say I have no IT I mean it. I can plug something in and maybe add software to it but that is the extent of my IT knowledge LOL. Quickbooks I have used maybe twice in my life. It is a fairly easy system that I know I could learn incredibly quickly but still. WTF was I thinking!!
But at least I am not going in blind anymore!
And hopefully they won't mind that I had to ask what the job was. Everything else is cake. I can do it.
So instead of being nervous that I don't have any idea what I am going to an interview for I am nervous about the lack of skills I have for two portions of the job.
Anywhooooo I go today at 4pm. Wish me luck.....