I decided to do another writer's workshop over at Mama Kat's.
The prompt was Scaredy Cat.
I have a few fears. A few that don't make any sense at all and a few that are normal to society. I don't choose to be a slave to these fears but man am I ever.
I am deathly afraid of heights. I am so afraid I can't even stand on a chair without my legs wobbling. I have frozen in place with my fingernails digging into the plaster and had to be removed from where I was. I honestly lost the ability to move.
I can fly in a plane without a problem, but give me a floor to ceiling window on a upper floor of a building and I burst into sweat within five feet of it.
There is this strange sensation that I get as I get close to a cliff. (height) It is like my body is going to throw me over. Not that I have any desire to get even near the damn thing but my body is a traitor! I don't know where that comes from but I sure wish it would go away.
As I have gotten older a fear has made itself known to me. One that I never had before. One that I have no idea where it came from. One that I realize is completely stupid and unreasonable but one that is there anyway.
If I go swimming in a lake with murky water I start getting the overwhelming fear that I am going to put my foot down on a decomposing body.
I KNOW! Ewwwwwwwwwww!
I have not seen a decomposing body in a lake. I have never watched someone be dragged from a lake. No body has ever been pulled from any lake I swim in that I am aware of. BUT as I get older that fear becomes more potent. I can feel my skin begin to crawl as soon as my toes hit the water. I can vividly imagine exactly what it will feel like and what my reaction would be.
I hate this fear.
Then there is the stupid fear. The one that makes you feel like an idiot. You know that turn off the light at the end of the hallway only to realize that the hallway is now pitch black and you have to walk through it. So instead of walking through it you actually run the length of it only at the end you slow your stupid self down so it looks like you walked down the hall. Even though in your head you know you sounded like a herd of elephants as you ran. This could happen anywhere. The garage, kitchen, hallway, bedroom. Random stupid fear.
Now this one takes a bit of explaining. I fear death. Not how am I going to die. Not what happens after I die. Not what comes before you die.
I fear that actual moment that your body gives out and you die. That moment your body gives up it's fight to live. That single moment between life and death.
I have seen this moment. I have held my grandmothers hand as she passed away. I have been in the vets office as I had a dying cat put to sleep. In both cases that moment... that single moment of death was horrifying. The struggle and the fight the body puts up to live and the soul puts up to go. Or the other way around.... is pure horror. Pure fucking hell. I fear that. I fear it a lot.
Hmmmm there are a lot more fears but I think I got a little ummm depressing here!!! Sorry!